MicroblogMondays: Going Home Today

Bunny and Okra were discharged from the hospital yesterday.  We spent a night in the hotel all by ourselves.  All I can say is that we are utterly in love with our babies, and are so so sleep deprived already. Haha.  We are leaving town to fly home today.  Hopefully all the supplies we have are enough for the short two-hour flight and the babies are going to cooperate.  I can’t wait to begin home life with them.  I know some of you have asked about pictures of the twins.  I am still debating whether or not to show their faces.  In the mean time, while I am deciding, enjoy the far-away view of them:

I still can’t believe how blessed we are that we get to take our babies home.

Will write more when I have some more sleep.  🙂

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MicroblogMondays: Almost There

I can’t believe we are still at home.  The babies are holding on tight.  Today we will have our last nonstress test.  If they are still staying put, Annie will have blood test done at the hospital on Wednesday.  Our scheduled C-section is going to be bright and early on Friday.  It’s crazy to know that whether or not we are ready, the babies will come on Friday at the latest.  It still feels very surreal even though our house is looking more and more ready for the babies to come home to.

We got our maternity photos back.  I printed out three of them and hung them on the wall next to the window.  One of them is very sweet: Annie and I were sitting down with my hand on her belly and both of us looking at her belly.  These pictures look great on the wall.  And then last night, Bob and I spent a long time doing this:

The lighting is a bit off because the pictures were taken at night.  In the morning you should be able to see that the walls are beige/yellow and the wall decals are gray and yellow.  We are very pleased with how it turns out.  We had to literally stick each piece on one at a time.  It really took patience, and it pays off big time.  I love how this looks in our nursery.

We were supposed to also put this bible verse right above the dresser/changing pad, but I was too tired after applying the elephant and the giraffe, so it will have to wait.

Annie has also been doing some work.  She put together two baskets; one for the OB’s office and the other one for the hospital nurses.  Inside the baskets there are homemade caramel corn, Baby Ruth, double mint gum, Sour Patch Kids, and Hershey’s kisses.  She also included a card with a picture we took at our professional photo shoot.  I thought that was very thoughtful of her.  And it tells you how good she has been feeling, that she has the energy to do all of that.

I have been calling this past weekend a bonus weekend since I really didn’t think that we’d have it all to ourselves.  It was quite heavenly.  I did a Tar.get run and bought a bunch of essentials.  We enjoyed lunch and dinner at two of our favorite restaurants.  We even took a nap on Sunday just because we could.  The babies are allowing us to enjoy some down time before the craziness begins!

If all goes according to plan, Bob and my mom and I are going to fly out on Wednesday.  We will spend some time with Annie and her family on Thursday.  T-4 days!  We can’t wait to see our babies face-to-face.

MicroblogMondays: Feeling Silenced

My guy best friend is currently in town from out of state. Whenever he’s around, we always get together.  This time he came one week before his wife did so he could visit his parents with his 7-year-old daughter.  When we were making plans for dinner, my friend alerted me that I’d have to be prepared to explain to his little girl why I had babies coming without having a big belly.  Apparently he hadn’t told her our news yet.  I said I’d be ready to explain. And then he told me that he hadn’t had the talk with little girl about human reproduction yet.  When she asked questions about how babies came about, he told her to ask her teachers.  I guess he was uncomfortable talking about it and really didn’t want to do it at this point.  I told him that 7-year-old is not too early to learn about where babies come from.  He said he’d think about how to talk to her.

Fast forward a week later.  In the afternoon right before our dinner date, my friend called to finalize the details.  Then he asked, “Is it okay if we don’t talk about the babies tonight?”  Honestly I was taken aback by this request.  He went on to explain that he still hadn’t told his daughter about our situation, and he still didn’t know how to explain human sexuality to her.  So he thought that it would be better for us to simply not to talk about our pregnancy or anything that had to do with our preparation.

I don’t know.  I was sitting there with my phone in my hand feeling a little disappointed and sad.  I know that he wasn’t ashamed of our situation.  I know that he does want to celebrate our babies with us.  I know that it was solely his problem of having a hard time with this talk with his daughter.  It is simply his choice of parenting and it is a decision that has nothing to do with me.  But why did I feel that I was less than those who could achieve a pregnancy and proudly present their bumps?  Why did I still experience sadness and disappointment that my best friend could not rise above this situation and use this opportunity to educate his young child about unique ways of building a family?  If I were pregnant with a big bump, this wouldn’t have been an issue for him because then he wouldn’t have to explain how our embryos got transferred into the surrogate.  I know that I am not less than others who physically carry and give birth to their children, but my heart still ached that I could not just proudly talk about our excitement and our future.

Dinner was weird.  Bob and I sat there and talked about everything but our babies and surrogate.  Our life recently has been so engrossed by the preparation for the upcoming birth of our babies that I felt choked by this enforced avoidance of the topic.  It felt so unnatural and tiring to have to consciously watch our words.  When I handed my friend a thank you card for his gift, his little girl asked what it was.  Bob was so smart that he quickly changed the topic to distract the little girl.  And my friend finally asked how we were doing with everything, but it was done in our native language so his daughter couldn’t understand it.

It just made me sad that our joy and pride had become so hush-hush that night.

When we said our good-byes in front of the restaurant, I asked my friend how he was going to explain the sudden appearance of two babies in our life.  He said he’d wait to see if school would teach about human sexuality and go from there.  I know that his choice does not mean that he isn’t happy for us, but it just left a bad taste in my mouth for a few days because we could not openly celebrate this newest chapter of our lives with one of my best friends.

MicroblogMondays: Clothes and Stuff

We are 35 weeks 5 days today.  Being so close to our scheduled delivery date (and knowing that the babies may come at anytime), we need to pack our bags soon.  I started writing a list of things to pack, and certain things have already been put in the suitcases (such as the car seat adapters for our frame stroller).  One thing that has been stressing me out the most is the babies’ clothes.  Not knowing what size they may be when they are born, what kind of clothes do I prepare for them as their going home outfits?  And we are expecting to stay an extra night at a hotel after being discharged from the hospital before flying back.  So my mind has been going a little crazy trying to figure out what size the babies may wear and how many pieces of clothes to put in the suitcase for them.  Figuring out baby clothes sizes has been a bit confusing.  Different brands’ sizes are little different.  Some run big and some are small.  We saw this outfit and really like it.  However, it is not available in newborn size.  I still bought a pink and a blue 0-3 months ones for the babies and will still bring them on our trip, but I fully expect these outfits to be too big for the babies when they leave the hospital.  I was still a big confused about how many pieces of clothes to prepare in general and what size they should be.  Recently I joined our local parents of multiples group.  This group is super awesome.  Half an hour after I joined the group and was added on Facebook, these parents of twins offered a double jogging stroller for free.   Because I was the first person responded (literally two minutes after the post showed up), we were the ones who got them.  This free stroller is now sitting in our garage waiting for the babies to show up (and hopefully one day will sit in it while Bob goes running with them).  So back to the group.  I posted my questions about what size clothes to prepare and what size clothes these parents’ babies fit into when they were born.  People are so nice.  So many of them answered my questions with their own experience.  After reading all of their answers, my conclusion is that there is no set rule.  Some babies were born heavier (over 6.5 lbs) but fit into preemie clothes.  Some babies were born below 6 lbs and fit into newborn size clothes.  So my take home is, we won’t know until the babies are born and their sizes may not depend on how much they weigh.  The most awesome thing about this group is that there is a preemie closet!  We don’t have to buy any preemie size clothes because we can borrow them to prepare for the twins’ arrival.  Once we are done, either because we don’t need them or because they have outgrown them, we can return the clothes to the group so that the next family can use them.  This is such an amazing thing for parents of multiples and it saves us a lot of money or hassle to have to worry about buying them.  I will go pick up the preemie clothes today so I can pack some in the suitcase to prepare for the trip.  Our babies may not need them but I feel a whole lot better having them around.

Getting closer and closer!

MicroblogMondays: The First Scare

We had our first scare in this pregnancy, thinking that the babies might be coming.  I thought we had another nonstress test last Thursday.  I didn’t think much of it, and just continued with my day.  Annie wrote me a text not too long after the appointment started with the babies’ heart rates.  I was a little puzzled about this information because she usually would write me about 1.5 hours after the nonstress test time to tell me the results.  So then I realized that it was a scan and not a NST.  Annie reported that the babies seemed to be doing well, with biophysical profile of 8 out of 8 for both of them.  She then told me that she was in for a blood draw.  The doctor ordered bloodwork.  I was immediately alarmed because blood work is not the usual part of the routine.  Annie said that “all should be good” and that “the doctor just wanted to check some things because he stated he was just paranoid” as she said she hadn’t been feeling well the previous few days.  Her urine also showed traces of protein, so our OB was just double checking.  My immediate thought was preeclampsia.  Annie said that Dr. OB was not worried about preeclampsia because her blood pressure has been really good.  He said it could be because she is off Zoloft or it might have something to do with the liver.  I asked her how she wasn’t feeling well.  She said that she had been feeling out of sorts, nauseous, with tummy sensitive to touch and feeling dizzy at times.  She and Dr. OB both thought that it wasn’t anything serious and it might be related to the pregnancy being close to the end.  So I asked THE question: if it is truly liver problems, what next?  She said, if it is liver problems, then they would go right to delivery.  If not, then she just carries on.  Annie said that the blood test results should come back in a couple of hours.  We didn’t actually hear about the results for another few hours.  To be honest, those few hours were quite difficult to wait because it could mean instead of going home and preparing for dinner, we could be packing up and going right away.  Bob was the calm one.  He thought that at 34 weeks 1 day we were in good shape even if it meant delivery four weeks early, especially that they were doing well at our scan that day.  To him, we are ahead of the game already.  But I just really really wanted the babies to stay put for a bit longer so they would be as healthy as possible when they are born.  And I really didn’t want Annie to have any serious health issues.  I would like her to have the best possible experience with this pregnancy.  My mind also went crazy with all the things that we had NOT packed and what flight we should take so we could reach the hospital quickly if a C-section was going to be moved up to the next day.  And what if we miss the birth?  And what about all the newborn clothes that are not washed or purchased yet?  All these things were going through my head while I tried my best to carry on my day with the responsibilities that I had.  Once again, my very wise friend A. came to the rescue.  She told me to try my best to have faith in this process and not to worried because the babies have come this far for twins.  The average NICU can handle them now.  With her help of talking some sense in me and my husband’s calmness, I could stay focused on my tasks at work for a while.  Later on, about 2 hours later than promised, Annie heard that two out of three blood tests were normal.  I could breathe a bit more easily.  The final blood test result came two hours later, and it was clear as well.  So Annie didn’t have what the OB was testing for, and she was just very uncomfortable because of twin pregnancy.  I was relieved, but at the same time I knew that we needed to know exactly what to do when THE time comes.  Over the weekend we have gotten more newborn clothes from friends.  We finally purchased a dresser that comes fully assembled and will be delivered on Wednesday.  We also assembled the bassinets on the play yard in our room so that we don’t have to scramble when we come home in the future.  All I can do is to praise the Lord for calm people around me and for keeping the babies and Annie safe and healthy.  And I feel comforted that they are being closely monitored by Dr. OB.  Bob is now paranoid about his Batman shirt and his red underwear.  He did NOT wear them on Thursday because they weren’t clean.  He jokes this was all because of him not wearing these.  He thinks that he really needs to diligently put on these two items twice a week until the twins are born.

Almost 35 weeks.

MicroblogMondays: Labor and Delivery Tour and Nonstress Test

Last weekend, Bob left Annie’s town early and I stayed behind one more day to attend the first nonstress test with Annie.  Since I’d be in town, I scheduled a tour at the birth center where the twins will be born.  The nonstress test was scheduled for 11am.  I was going to ask for a tour afterwards.  The OB nurse manager there could only do it earlier, so we scheduled for 10am.  Good thing we did, because the one-hour time window for the nonstress test was a lie.

Let me talk about the tour at labor and delivery first.  The birth center was expanded about a year ago and looked fabulous.  It’s located on the first floor of the back side of the hospital.  While waiting for the nurse to meet us, Annie commented on the security of having the birth center on the first floor, since she had only been to labor and delivery on second or third floor.  I am quite sure that the place is very secured.  You cannot go in and out of the the unit unless you get buzzed in by a staff member.  There are secured doors everywhere that you can’t access to unless you’re being let in.  The OB nurse manager showed us around, and said that having it on the first floor was the only way to have all the space it needed.  Instead of sharing an operation room with the rest of the hospital like it used to be, here they have two operating rooms just for this birth center.  They can staff the OR themselves whenever they need to.  The OR’s back door opens to a hallway that connects to the neonatal intensive care unit, so any babies that need to go in there don’t have to travel far.  The place is huge and seems to be never-ending.

We discussed about the logistics and details of the birth.  Annie has been scheduled for a Cesarean-section on September 15th, which is 38 weeks 2 days.  The babies may come any time between now and then.  But if it is not an emergency C-section, it is very likely that Bob and I as well as Annie’s husband can all be in the OR.  Even the birth photographer that we booked may be able to be present.  Our photographer said she has done it twice in this hospital so I hope that it will happen for us as well.  The nurse manager said that it is not a guarantee, but they often try to accommodate the parents as much as possible.  So it is highly likely that we’ll be able to fit everyone in there.  My friend who used a surrogate there for her twins did it.  So I am hopeful.

After the birth, we’ll have immediate skin-to-skin, as this hospital is called a “baby friendly” hospital.  The babies will be placed on my chest and Bob’s chest if they are both healthy and don’t require additional medical attention.  This hospital also encourages nursing.  For the second time, the OB nurse manager asked me if I’d be doing “re-lactation”, as she already asked me on the phone a few weeks ago.  It’s interesting to use this term because it denotes a prior experience with lactation, which I didn’t have.  I told her that we will try to have Annie hand-express colostrum during her hospital stay, but we will start the babies on formula immediately.  The nurse manager said that the birth center provides donor breast milk if we desire, and all babies in the NICU are fed donor breast milk.  But she understands that this is an expensive endeavor when we return home so she fully supports us whatever decision that we make.  A lactation consultant is available to help with whatever we need 16 hours a day at the hospital.

Bob and I are going to be given a hospital room during our babies’ stay.  The babies will be in the room with us the whole time barring any need for the NICU.  Annie will be recovering in a room next door.  Typically she’ll be released from the hospital in 48 hours.  The babies could also be discharged in 48 hours if they both do well with everything.  I asked if I have to write down all the details for the hospital, but the nurse manager said that there is no need as they will take good care of us.

The visit there was very positive, and now I know exactly where to go and what to expect.  Things may not go exactly according to plan, but it is so good to have some idea of what may happen.  I am so glad that we made this special trip to Annie’s town so the tour could happen.

Okay so what about the nonstress test?  We thought that it was going to be a relaxing time for Annie, but no… it was stressful!  Annie lay down on one of those recliners and got hooked up right away.  Baby A’s heartbeat was easy to find, but Baby B was nowhere to be found.  To say that I was nervous about it was an understatement.  I know that he/she is deeper inside so it will be hard to find him/her, but boy, I was anxious about anything being wrong with him/her.  It took 10 minutes and a second nurse to come in and finally find Baby B.  In the meantime, Annie continued to push that button whenever she felt them move, so she couldn’t just relax.  Those two heartbeat monitors were strapped on her and the nurses left.  After about 10 minutes, both of the babies went offline probably due to movements.  So Annie had to ring a bell for the nurses to return.  Baby A was again easy to find, but Baby B was moving around.  Dr. OB came in to check and said that Baby A was showing us what they wanted, which was for the heart rate to go up and down 15 beats three times.  But Baby B was having a more stable heart rate and had one spike at that point.  So Dr. OB ordered the nurse to use a buzzer to hopefully wake up Baby B.  After that, it was still hard to find Baby B.  Dr. OB eventually pulled in a bedside ultrasound to find the exact location of Baby B’s heart.  At least I got to see Baby B on the ultrasound!  This kiddo has been hiding his/her face from the machine for many weeks now.  The funny thing was, even though they could find the exact location of the heart, the monitor did not always pick it up at that one location.  After Dr. OB left, two nurses kneeled next to Annie, one holding the monitor for A and the other one for B.  I was told to use the buzzer one more time on Annie’s belly to wake up B.  Once that was done, Baby A was probably angry that we woke him/her up and started to react to the buzzer with a heart rate acceleration.  Baby B’s heart rate also started to go up, but took a very very long time for it to come back down to baseline.  Annie and the nurses were joking that I will have a baby who will stay angry for a very long time.  We needed Baby B’s heart rate to go up one more time, so all of us were cheering him/her on by saying “Come on baby!  You can do it!”  Two extra nurses came in to study the print out, and said that we just needed Baby B to perform one more spike.  The nurse who was holding Baby B’s monitor saw it on the screen that the heart rate did spike one more time.  We were so relieved!  It took one surrogate, one intended mom, four nurses, and one OB to finish this very stressful nonstress test.  The whole thing took one hour 45 minutes.

And this is only the beginning.  Annie returned last Thursday for a second nonstress test.  Later on she told us that both babies were doing well, and the test took “only” one hour 45 minutes, again!  I sure hope that it will get easier for Annie because she’ll have to do it twice a week until the day the babies come to this world.  She is such a rock star.  We feel very blessed to have her on our team.

We have at most four weeks four days to go.  Wow…

MicroblogMondays: Movements

I am currently in Annie’s town.  Bob and I came to spend time with her and her family, and we took professional photos yesterday.  It has been such a lovely visit.  Annie has been doing very well, and we had a great time at the photo shoot.  I can’t wait to see how the photos turn out.  Today I will meet with the nurse practice manager at the hospital where Annie will give birth, and I will also attend Annie’s first non stress test today.  It has been a very eventful and enjoyable weekend.

One of the reasons we really wanted to make a trip here so close to delivery date was for the babies’ movements.  Ever since Annie started to feel them, I had wanted to come and see/feel them move as well.  I was a bit sad that I couldn’t do that because we weren’t planning on coming.  Well, everything fell into place and here I am now.  It has been so magical these past few days.  I sat next to Annie multiple times a day and had my hands on her baby bump.  She would tell me where to put my hands and all of a sudden I would feel a shake or a wave.  Sometimes it would take many many minutes before the babies moved again.  Now I can tell which movement is from which baby.  Baby A is currently in the anterior portion and lower on the right bottom of the belly.  Baby B is across behind Baby A.  So all the movements that are more obvious are from Baby A, and all the more subtle movements from the top portion of the belly are from Baby B.  In the afternoon Baby A was moving quite a lot.  After dinner and a walk, Baby A was super quiet, and Baby B started turning and moving like crazy.  The next morning Annie told us that Baby A woke up at 5am and just moved around and woke Annie up.  It looks like we have one early bird and one nigh owl.  It has been quite amazing to see the movements.  At church on Sunday, Annie tapped me on my shoulder and pointed at her belly.  We could see parts of her bump moving and bulging out quite a few times.  Baby B must have been really excited about the pastor’s sermon.  🙂

I feel very grateful that things have been going so well, and we finally got to see and feel the babies’ movements.  This great sense of gratitude is also mixed in with a bit of sadness, a bit of jealousy, and a bit of surreality.  The babies are doing so well, and being able to feel their movements just highlights to me how alive and well they are.  A year ago we wouldn’t have imagined being here today, feeling their movements, and taking maternity photos.  At the same time, I look at my own body and my not-so-flat tummy that isn’t growing any life inside of it, for a moment, I was overcome with a sense of loss.  This journey has been so complicated and there are so many complex emotions to sort through.  I am glad that I feel positive, joyful, excited, and full of anticipation most of the time.  But boy, when these sad feelings hit, there is no hiding.  Although I have felt some sadness, I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything else, because this is God’s path for us, and these are the babies that He has entrusted with us.  Without our struggles and my inability to carry, these particular babies wouldn’t be the ones that we will meet in the very near future. 

God works in amazing ways, and these babies are a testament to that.