MicroblogMondays: Distracting Myself During the Two Week Wait

Microblog_Mondays

Today is 5 days past 5 day transfer.  Unfortunately, beta blood test is not until 12 days past 5 day transfer, which is December 7th, 2015.  How am I doing?  I think so far I am doing pretty well.  At times I imagine it all working out, beta being over 100, second beta doubling beautifully, and a strong heartbeat at 6 1/2 week gestation.  At other times, I doubt the quality of Kevin, our embryo, and think for sure that it might not have implanted and might have been absorbed by my body.  I know that it’s quite normal to move between being hopeful and having doubts.  Despite feeling doomed at times, I talk to Kevin many times a day.  I tell Kevin how much I love it, and how much I hope we will meet face-to-face in nine months.  I tell Kevin to stay put, grow, and hang on tight.  I wake up in the morning talking to Kevin.  At night I close my eyes with my hands on my belly, telling Kevin good night.  Bob is the same way.  Since these last few days were a holiday, we spent a lot more time together than usual.  Throughout the day, he would call me over and say, “Let me say Hi to Kevin”.  He would put his hand on my belly and say to Kevin, “How are you doing?  Stay there and be strong.”  At night, he tells Kevin good night.  We joked that the sermon yesterday was the first one that Kevin attended.  It probably sounds very silly because maybe we are actually talking to nothing.  Kevin may or may not still be there.  We still hold on to the hope that Kevin is still there hanging out and snuggling in a cozy spot that would be its home for the next nine months.  There is hope before the beta.

For those who have been following me for a while, you know that I don’t use home pregnancy test.  I would rather be ignorant and think that I am pregnant until proven otherwise on beta day.  In that sense, I am a wimp.  I cannot bear the possibility of a stark white pee stick.  I just can’t.  At times, it feels very surreal that a transfer actually took place a few days ago and I have an embryo inside me that was made with my husband’s sperm and a donor’s egg.  It sometimes feels like I can almost just carry on with my life as if nothing had happened a few days ago, and be ignorant about it until beta day.  At other times, I just want to be able to close my eyes, fall asleep, and wake up on the day I give birth to my child.

Physically I have been feeling nothing.  No pregnancy symptoms.  No side effects from the progesterone in oil.  It really just feels like any normal day.  I know I am not supposed to be feeling anything.  At least many of my friends told me that they also felt nothing during their two week wait.  After my previous transfer last March, I was feeling symptoms and that resulted in nothing.  No baby.  No pregnancy.  So symptoms may really be overrated.  Emotionally, I feel very differently from my last transfer.  The last transfer was my last chance using my own eggs before moving onto donor eggs.  It felt like a huge weight on my shoulders because the hope was that we would never have to make a decision about using donor eggs.  This time, I know that if this round doesn’t work, we still have Lucy the frozen embryo.  If I don’t get pregnant with Lucy, we will look for another donor and do a fresh cycle.  As long as we still have the funds, there is still hope that we’ll become parents one day.  In a sense, the pressure is off, although it would still be a huge blow if this round doesn’t work.

Parents Via Egg Donation has a wonderful article about how to survive the two week wait.  Since I don’t POAS, distraction is the key.  The article has so many great suggestions.  I have done quite a few things to distract myself.  It started with visiting with Jate and my wonderful friend Jane the day after thanksgiving.  The last time we met Jate was right after we lost our first donor.  She was just two months old.  This time she is already over four months old and is so much more interactive.  This little baby girl has the most entertaining facial expressions during her nap and while awake.  When she woke up from her nap, she looked at me and gave me the biggest smile, the kind that would melt hearts.  Bob helped feed her the rest of her milk while Jane had her lunch, and he held her the rest of the time.  Here are a few snap shots of her.

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Jane asked if I minded maternity stuff because some people are afraid of jinxing things.  I absolutely am not afraid of it, so I received a bunch of books and a fetal doppler!  I gave Jane a huge hug, thanking her for the vote of confidence that some day I will carry a baby so I can be obsessive and check the baby’s heart beat all the time.

Another way to distract myself is to cook.  Tonight I made two dinners in preparation for lunch and dinner for the next couple of days.  I tried two new recipes and loved them both.  I particular like the turkey and butternut squash soup.

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Bob and I took a nice walk around the neighborhood yesterday afternoon.  It was crisp and Sunny.  I am thankful that I have a job to go to so most of the time I don’t have to think about the beta.

Seven more days to go.  I will take a good look at all the suggestions for distractions.  Maybe curling up with a good book in my bed.  What do you think?

Lucy Joins the Family

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving yesterday.

Waiting for phone calls from your fertility clinic is very hard.  Unfortunately, so many of us know how that feels.

Before our phone call yesterday, I was mostly calm.  In my mind, I was thinking for sure that we’d have one or two, or even three day six blastocysts to freeze given the number of early blastocysts the day before.  Well, that was my human way of thinking.  We waited all morning.  We continued our Thanksgiving tradition of going to a South American breakfast place for Bob’s chilaquiles and for my beef soup.  I kept my phone in sight throughout that time including during our wait at a very noisy coffee place for my hot chocolate and Bob’s coffee.  With my hands full, I still tucked my phone in the purse where it was easily accessible.  The phone call came when we just pulled into the driveway.

A very nice nurse told us that we had one embryo that had grown to day six and had become a blastocyst with a grade of 4BB.  Four means it was almost hatching.  She said the other two Bs are good grades.  So this is it.  Our expectation/wishful thinking/hope that we would have two, or three, or even four more embryos was crushed.  I didn’t ask more questions. I didn’t ask which embryo on day three this blastocyst came from.  It didn’t matter anymore.  I felt that the less I know the better.  The nurse asked if I had made an appointment with my RE to go over the next steps.  I told her that we had transferred an early blastocyst the day before.  She said, “Oh that’s excellent!  Early blastocysts are great!”  I appreciated her enthusiasm.

You know me.  I always try to be honest when I am here writing about my thoughts and feelings.  I was disappointed.  With ten eggs, the statistics from our donor’s past cycles told me that we would have about three to four, if not five embryos at the end of this process, especially with 100% fertilization.  I really did not expect to have a total of two embryos in the end.  But I did not fight my disappointment.  My friend L told me that the more I fight it, the more the disappointment will grow.  So I was acknowledging my disappointment and had to process my feelings for the rest of the afternoon.

About 30 minutes after we got the news, I became grateful.  I was very grateful that little Lucy (our 4BB blastocyst) decided to join us.  I know that I could end up with nothing to freeze.  The fact that we have Lucy is a great reason to be thankful for.  We did end up with two blastocysts.  In my human being eyes, this might not have been the most ideal outcome.  In God’s eyes, this is the right number.  I have all along been praying for a perfect number of embryos.  I didn’t know what that would be.  I secretly had been hoping for a number four.  But I know that God doesn’t work that way.  In my human mind, the more blastocysts we have, the more insurance we have.  But God has His own mysterious way of working.  I was reading Psalm 139 and particularly verse 13.  It says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  God knitted us a long time ago.  He had planned and knitted my baby a long time ago.  Verse 16: “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Who is to say that Kevin, the little embryo inside of me now, is not the one baby that God has planned for us a long time ago?  And who is to say that Lucy, the little frozen blastocyst, is not going to be the sibling for Kevin?  He saw my child’s unformed body and ordained all the days for him/her.  Like I said, God works in mysterious way that we don’t always understand.  Kevin could be that child.  Lucy could be that child.  I myself am trying really hard to wrap my mind around it.  Maybe this is God’s way of telling us that those two embryos are enough for you.  You don’t need more, and you don’t have to look further.  And if this works out, we don’t have to worry about donating our unused embryos.

I really don’t know which way it will go.  But I am trying really hard to trust.

I also have my weak moments.  Later in the afternoon, Bob was showing me a funny video of one of my favorite kiddos taking a flu shot.  She was so brave.  I had watched that video quite a few times already.  However, yesterday afternoon, something triggered in me.  Watching her being brave and smiling after the flu shot, I suddenly started crying.  All I was thinking that was I want one of those myself.  I want to document my child’s happy, sad, triumphant, and naughty moments.  I want to share in the joy of parenting, figuring things out ourselves, fail and be successful together as parents.  I don’t know why, but the fact that 1) Kevin was an early blastocyst who was probably only a little bit more advanced than the other early blastocysts in the bunch, and 2) the other early blastocysts except for Lucy did not make it make me deduce that maybe Kevin is not strong enough in my uterus either.  Maybe if Kevin was left there to be grown to day six, he wouldn’t grow either.  Maybe Kevin was not chromosomally normal.  Maybe maybe maybe.  See how my human mind works?  I try to embrace Kevin, but I sometimes feel that this may not work.  And then I worry that if Lucy doesn’t work either, then we’ll have to go back to choosing a donor again.  My mind is messed up.

Fortunately, my mind is not messed up all the time.  I talk to Kevin all the time.  I imagine the embryo finding a cozy spot in my uterus to land.  I imagine Kevin attaching to my uterus.  I imagine Kevin growing and growing and growing.  I imagine it to be strong.  I imagine it to become a little baby that would grow inside me.  I am really trying my best to trust that this embryo is going to become my baby.  I ask God to protect it, nourish it, and keep it nice and safe inside of me.

Bob is like me as well.  He also vacillates between being hopeful and feeling doomed.  Last night right before we went to my brother’s house for our thanksgiving dinner, Bob became utterly frustrated and angry with God that we didn’t have more embryos and that we had already spent so much money and ended up with less than stellar performance with frozen donor eggs.  It hurt him to see me be sad and cry in the afternoon.  And it took him four hours to process that and become angry.  But then, we also should not dismiss what Kevin can do here.  Kevin can still be alive and well and thriving.  Bob went to bed last night telling Kevin to stay put and grow.  This morning he woke up telling Kevin to be cozy and snuggle up inside mommy.

The two week wait is very tough.  I don’t feel anything physically.  I know that I am not supposed to feel anything physically.  Today is two days past.  We still have ten more days to go.  I know regardless of how I feel, these days will pass.  So I will continue to pray for God to sustain this life that is inside me, for it to attach, to grow, to be well nourished.

And welcome Lucy!  We love you and Kevin already.

Our Little Embaby Is Home!

First thing first, our transfer is done!  We have one embryo safely home!

I slept really well last night.  Focusing on God has really helped me be grounded and at peace.  Waking up to my Face.book secret group ladies posting pictures of their super hero attires and socks on their kids and themselves was so nice and touching.  Multiple friends and my sister-in-law texted me and sent me chat messages with their well wishes.  I am certainly very loved, and I know it and cherish it.

My whole morning consisted of me keeping myself calm and productive.  I made special Indian-spiced oatmeal on the stove top that Bob loves.  I cleaned the whole kitchen, wiped the counter, and soaked the range hood baffle filters.

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There is nothing better to distract myself than tidying up.

My wish was my phone would not ring.  My clinic would not be calling me.  Calling me would not be a good thing. That’d mean they would have some bad news for us.  Nope.  The phone didn’t ring.  My mind rested a little.  That meant we would have something to transfer.  I was quite calm all morning.  I might have had two moments of anxiety, but I knew that it was normal.

We arrived at the clinic at 12:35.  We were supposed to meet my acupuncturist there at 12:40.  I started drinking water at 12:20 but I knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to hold it until 1:45.  I made a trip to the bathroom when we got to the clinic.  We waited at a waiting room that was brand new to me.  I guess because I had not done a transfer, I hadn’t been to the area.  I took a Val.ium at 12:45.  My acupuncturist, Bob, and I waited for another five minutes before a nurse came to greet us.  She looked puzzled and said, “You guys are early.”  I had to explain to her that we were here early for acupuncture.  She said that it wasn’t in the notes, but it was okay.  I told her that I told two different nurses about it during the fertilization report phone call, and asked if I should’ve called or done something differently.  She assured me that I didn’t do anything wrong.  She would talk to those in-cycle nurses. She was super nice and told us that she’d set us up in one of the transfer rooms.

The set up for transfer in this brand new clinic is sweet.  At the old clinic, you would have to go to a resting area with everybody and do your acupuncture there with the curtain closed.  Right here, there are four transfer rooms.  You have an hour before the transfer and an hour after transfer to do the pre- and post-transfer acupuncture sessions in the same room as the transfer.  I was situated in transfer room number four.  My wonderful acupuncturist let me lie down on the transfer table, put needles on me, and keep me warm with warm blankets that the clinic provided.  I drank quite a few more sips of water before I fully relaxed.  The light jazz music was a bit too upbeat for acupuncture.  However, the effect of Val.ium and the acupuncture had such a relaxing effect on me that I almost fell asleep.  It was quite an experience to do a session right in the transfer room.

The session was done five minutes prior to transfer time.  Bob came in to join me.  He had on his Superman shirt.  I had my usual Superman socks on.

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At 1:45 sharp, the nurse and Dr. Scrubs entered the room.  She greeted us and handed us a picture of our blastocyst.

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She explained that it was an early blastocyst two (EB2).  I was a little bit confused because I was expecting a blastocyst with a number and two letters, like 1AA, or 2AB, or something like that.  I really didn’t know what EB2 meant.  Dr. Scrubs said that it was a good blastocyst.  They are watching three to four more embryos that could become blastocysts that can be frozen tomorrow.  I asked her if it was necessary for us to know the grading of this early blastocyst that was going to be transferred.  She said not necessary, but she thought that it was a good blastocyst.  She also said that she’d be surprised if we didn’t have more blastocysts to freeze tomorrow.  She said it’s fairly common to have day six embryos to freeze.  And we could see all the gradings on the fertilization report print out that she gave us.

I laid down with my legs up.  She cleaned the area to make sure the mucus wouldn’t be in the way of the embryo.  When the nurse placed the abdominal ultrasound wand on my tummy, I could then feel my full bladder.  I was all along worried that I didn’t drink enough water because the full bladder wasn’t unbearable, but the nurse reassured me that it was perfect.  Once Dr. Scrub was ready, the embryologist came in to introduce herself and asked me to verify my name and date of birth.  She went back out of the other “secret door”.  On the big screen, our little embryo was shown.

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It was super cool to watch the camera zoom out and a catheter came into the picture.  The tiny little embryo was barely visible on the screen.  The catheter sucked the embryo into it.

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Moments later, the screen switched back to the image of my uterus.  The embryologist came in with the catheter (I always wonder if she/he had ever dropped it….).  She handed it to Dr. Scrubs.  Dr. Scrubs told us to watch the little white spot that would go in.

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See that little white line in the middle of the image?  That was the catheter.  Once that was done, the embryologist returned to the lab to check on the catheter to make sure the embryo was gone.  We waited for a couple of moments.  The green light of the door was off, which signaled an all clear.  Our transfer was done!

Dr. Scrubs congratulated us and told us to wait for that phone call tomorrow.  I stayed behind for my post transfer acupuncture session.  I was feeling at peace and calm.  I lay there and just enjoyed the moment of quiet for another 30 minutes.

After the session was done, I said good bye to the acupuncturist and thanked her for making the trip over there.  Bob and I studied the “Oocyte and Embryo Status Report”.  We see that our little early blastocyst that we have nicknamed “Kevin” was from a 9-cell with fragmentation of 4 and symmetry of 1.  It actually became a blastocyst.  There are three embryos labeled “EB1” or “early blastocyst 1”.  These are from the 10-cell (fragmentation 2, symmetry 2), 10-cell (fragmentation 3, symmetry 1), and 9-cell (fragmentation 2, symmetry 2).  There is a morula called “MorulaC” from a 4-cell (fragmentation 2, symmetry 1).  All the rest of them arrested.  So it seems like those four will have the potential to grow and be frozen tomorrow.

How do I feel?  I praise the Lord that we had a blastocyst to transfer today.  I am super grateful.  I was at first confused and then a little bit disappointed.  I was expecting young donor eggs to have better “quality”, whatever that means.  And I was expecting to have a more grown or expanded blastocyst.  And I was also expecting that we would have something to freeze today.  However, I have gotten over that.  I might have allowed my “Kevin”‘s day three grading to affect my point of view of its potential.  But I have got to put my trust in this process.  This embryo is from a young egg.  Despite its less than stellar status on day three, it grew to be an early blastocyst.  I am going to embrace this little embaby and pretend that I am pregnant.  Plus, numbers and stats don’t mean much to God.  If this is God’s will for us, He will make sure that this embryo is normal and let it stick.  So my plan is to nurture myself and my body and talk to the embryo for it to stay put because it is really fun to come out eventually and meet his/her hilarious dad.  I am also determined NOT to search online about any information about the embryos and any success stories/failures that could cause me anxiety.  The less I know the better.

So here we are!  Kevin is home.  I will talk to it daily.  I have hope that it will make my uterus its home for the next nine months.  I pray that it finds a good place to implant inside me.

Day Three Report

The phone call came at 3:30 when I was seeing one of my clients.  The nurse introduced herself and said that she was calling to give me a transfer time.  It will be Wednesday at 1:45pm.  She gave me the instructions to arrive 15 minutes early, drink water, and take a Val.ium at 12:45pm.  It didn’t seem like she was going to talk about the embryos at all.  So after I told her that I will have an acupuncture session before and after the transfer, I asked her about the embryos.

The nurse really didn’t prepare to give me a report, because she told me to wait for a second while she pulled it up.  I don’t know if it is not the custom to give a day three report, or if a day three report is not necessary because we are growing to day five.  She first explained to me that the embryos are graded from grade one to grade four, one being the best and four being the worst.  All ten of our embryos are still there.  There are no grade one embryos.  We have three grade two embryos: 10-cell, 9-cell, and 4-cell.  There are four grade three embryos: 7-cell, 9-cell, 10-cell, and 10-cell.  There are also three grade four embryos: 9-cell, 9-cell, and 4-cell.  When I heard all of this, my mind froze a little and all I was focusing on was that we didn’t have any grade one embryos.  The nurse did give an assessment to each embryo, from above average, to average, to below average.  However, I didn’t write fast enough to note them all.  I asked her if the grade four embryos mean that they are not good to become blastocysts, she said that you’d never know.  Some blastocysts come from grade four embryos.  I thanked her and hung up.  My client, who is on the autistic spectrum, was waiting for me to be done with the phone call.  I really had to pull myself together so that I could focus and finish up the session with him.  But my visceral reaction was so real.  I had been so at peace and calm with this.  All day I was not nervous.  Up until the moment when I was told there was no grade one embryos, my shoulders tensed up and I felt full of anxiety.  I don’t know why but my mind just focused on the negative.  I even started to panic and wondered if we should transfer two blastocysts instead of one.

I wonder if it might have been better if I didn’t know the grading because the knowledge of it only added to my fear and didn’t give me information about whether or not we’ll have a blastocyst on Wednesday.  It’s sometimes true that ignorance is bliss.

After the session, I updated Bob who was at that time busy with work.  Fortunately, my last client canceled so I had the time and space to process this news.  I guess my expectation was that these young eggs should give us some grade one embryos.  And I was probably expecting a textbook case.  With higher expectation comes disappointment when the expectation is not met.  My mind automatically went to the worst: we don’t have any normal blastocysts to transfer.  I had to stop myself and again focus on God, on His unchanging nature, and on His power and might.  He already knows the outcome of this cycle.  What I need to do is to focus on Him and Him alone.  And who am I to pretend that I know about grading?  I know nothing about grading or whether these embryos will become blastocysts or not based on their day three performance.  God makes the impossible possible.  Anything could happen between now and Wednesday.  Instead of focusing on the numbers, I should focus on my gratitude that these ten embryos are still growing.  My mind vacillated between my faith in God’s plan and my fear of having a very bad outcome this cycle.

One thing I am really sure is that I will not consult with Dr. Googl.e.  I don’t want to read anyone’s stories about their success or failure with these gradings.  Their stories do not translate into my future success or not.  So I promised myself that I will steer clear from doing any online searches.

Lying there with dimmed lights at my acupuncture session, I closed my eyes and concentrated my energy on the word “gratitude”.  God has taken us this far to this point.  I believe that He will carry us through if this is His will.  I am grateful that some embryos are good quality.  I continue to pray for the perfect number of blastocysts to complete our family.  My tensed shoulders started to relax and my breathing became deeper.  Although now I feel that this is not a sure thing, I know that we will be well taken care of.

My heart is a lot calmer than it was this afternoon.  This journey has not been easy.  Even with donor eggs, it is still not easy.  Worry is not going to help with my situation, so I try to replace my worrying thoughts with positive thoughts.  I continue to pray that God sustains me with peace and calmness that only comes from Him.  And we shall see what His plan is and what the future holds.  Our prayer is that the chromosomally normal embryos will make it to day five.

MicroblogMondays: Hopefully My Last Sushi Meal For a While

Microblog_Mondays

You know, I am trying to get pregnant.

In fact, I’ve been trying to get pregnant for the last 47 months.  We had two transfers before.  Neither one resulted in a live birth.  This time it feels a little different.  With our 100% fertilization rate, we now have ten little fertilized eggs hopefully still growing in the lab.  There is a little more hope, a little more brightness in the future, and little more confidence that it may just work out this time.

I don’t believe in jinxing things.  My potential due date is already there in my mind.  Searching for a maternity outfit is my occasional pastime.  All in all, my expectation is higher this time with these young and healthy eggs of a proven donor.  They passed the first hurdle beautifully.  This afternoon will bring us the much anticipated news of number of embryos we still have.

Bob and I set up a sushi date for this past Saturday in anticipation of our transfer.  If we get pregnant this time, this will be my last sushi meal for the duration of a pregnancy.

Our usual Japanese restaurant didn’t disappoint.

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I savored every single bite of raw fish, choosing to believe that this may be my last chance of this Japanese delicacy before mid-August.

What an enjoyable date night celebrating our ten little fertilized eggs and a dream that may just come true, that we get to close this chapter of our life trying to get pregnant for almost four years.

Perfect Ten!!!

The phone call came earlier than I thought it would.  On the instruction sheet, it says that a nurse will call in the afternoon.  About 11am, I was sitting on the stairs at home waiting for Bob to be ready to go grocery shopping with me.  I was holding my phone and was about to check my email when the phone rang.  It said “UCSF Reproductive”.  Since the timing of the phone call was so unexpected, I didn’t even have time to worry about it.  I answered.  The nurse was super nice.  She introduced herself and told me that she’d give me the fertilization report.  She said that all ten eggs were deemed mature and they all fertilized!  Praise the Lord!!!  I can’t tell you how relieved and surprised I was to hear that.  When I woke up this morning, I was still not too nervous or worried, but I did have thoughts that maybe none of the eggs would thaw or none would fertilize.  I was hoping for at least nine to thaw and eight to fertilize.  To have all ten of them still there is such an amazing thing to experience.  Yay to young eggs!  I have never had a 100% fertilization rate so that’s my first.  This is the best possible outcome at this point.  The nurse congratulated me and sounded very excited too.  I thanked her for giving me great news, and she told me that she loves delivering good news.  I said I could cry, and she said, go ahead and go celebrate!  I also thanked her for calling so early.  She said that when she got in she checked, but the results were there yet.  She checked repeatedly and called me once she got them.  Such a nice nurse!  The funny thing was another nurse called me about 30 minutes later trying to give me the fertilization report as well.  Talking about a bit of a lack of coordination.  I was nervous when I picked up the phone call because I didn’t know if something went wrong.  Luckily it was just another fertilization report.  I would rather have double phone calls than nobody calling me.

Phew!  One hurdle down.  It’s such a great feeling to get amazing news.  I don’t expect all of the embryos to keep on growing, but I am a bit more confident that we’ll have a transfer on Wednesday.  We’ll get another report on Monday on how the embryos are doing and transfer time and instructions.  Maybe my dear friend Jane has to come up with some embryo names for us. 🙂

So relieved!

Bob’s Two Jobs: Collection and PIO

Today is egg thaw and semen collection day.  We won’t know about how the eggs are doing until tomorrow, but I know that Bob did his first job beautifully.  He arrived at the clinic early (!).  His experience today was very different from six months ago when he went there for a semen analysis.  At that time, the clinic just moved so the semen collection room was not quite well stocked.  Today apparently everything went seamlessly.  A male nurse, who Bob said was quite formal and appeared a little awkward, led him to a room and asked Bob, “Would you like to watch some adult movies?”  According to Bob, the clinic is now equipped with streamed videos from various different sources such as Netfl.ix and Hul.u and has gotten rid of all of the printed materials.  So Bob said, Sure.  Bob described the set up as very high-tech looking with the remote control on the wall.  When the male nurse was setting things up, he said, “I hope it’s not in the middle of a movie” in an awkward and formal way.  I still don’t understand how a clinic does not provide printed material anymore.  But whatever.  I guess you can always bring your own.  Bob did his job and that’s the most important thing.  I am quite sure his swimmers are going to be fine.  I hope that the eggs are doing their job as well.

Bob also did his second job beautifully.  He worked from home today, so we actually decided to do our progesterone injection earlier than planned.  We watched the Freedom Pharmacy video online, read the instructions given by the nurse, and decided to take the plunge.  I know that Bob wasn’t looking forward to it.  This is the guy who would draw the meds for me but would look away and shudder whenever I inject myself.  So really, it’s a really brave thing for him to do this.  I read the nurse’s instruction and made a decision to ice the area while Bob drew the oil out.  He commented on how much harder it was to draw the liquid than the other meds probably due to the higher viscosity of it.  The first day we are only injecting 1/2 cc on my right side. I lay down in bed and tried to relax my muscles.  The iced area felt numb.  Bob pulled my skin taut.  I honestly didn’t feel a single thing when he put the needle in thanks to the icing.  I could feel a tiny pinch when he injected.  I again didn’t feel a thing when he pulled it out.  He massaged the area for a little with gauze over the area.  He told me later on that all he was focusing on was 90 degree angle and quick smooth jabbing motion.  The circles that the nurse drew really helped.  I was pleasantly surprised that he did it cleanly and the injection itself didn’t hurt.  The site did bleed a little.  I put a bandaid on, massaged it a little, and applied my hot water heat pad on it.  Bob and I gave each other a high five.  I have been walking around a little.  The area is still kind of sore.  Hopefully it will dissipate soon.  My nurse warned me that some people experience constipation.  Did that happen to any of you out there?

I totally thought that it wasn’t bad at all and Bob did a great job as a needle-phobic, although he still said that he does not look forward to it for ten more weeks.  I hope that we get to do it ten more weeks, which means that we are on our way to have our binky moongee.

(Fertilization report tomorrow!  I am still not nervous yet.  Hopefully I will keep my calm tomorrow when the phone rings.)