MicroblogMondays: Donor’s Perspective

Sometimes Bob and I discuss about our donor; topics such as when to start telling the babies their birth stories, whether Bunny or Okra reminds us of the donor, or how the donor feels about children conceived with her eggs.  I am thinking about starting to tell the babies in a couple of months just a very abbreviation version of their donor conception and gestational surrogacy.  Sometimes Bunny and Okra sit with me in the rocking chair in their nursery and I would point to the maternity photographs on the wall and tell them about the time Auntie Annie was carrying the both of them inside of her tummy.  They seem to start to comprehend my words and would point to the pictures when I ask them where Auntie Annie is.  I have yet to start saying something about our donor, and will need to consider how to make the point across in simple terms for toddlers.  As for our donor’s feelings about children conceived with her eggs including our children, we would have no way of finding out unless we reach out to request for a meeting with her like we had originally planned for, until the cocaine incident.  I had lost my desires to meet with her after her breach of contract and trust.  I had always wanted to complete the babies’ conception story by telling them about our meeting with their donor, so we will see if we change our minds in the future.  Yesterday I did get some insight from my dear friend who actually donated her eggs to another couple in her 20s.  She was in town for the holidays so we met up for coffee.  I asked her for her perspective.  She said since she donated such a long time ago, the children that were conceived with her eggs rarely crossed her mind until she saw our struggles and our decision to use donor eggs.  Because of how it had enabled us to start and build our beautiful family, she felt a tremendous sense of privilege to be able to be a part of a story that completed a family for a couple in need, and felt that she had done the right thing.  I know that this is just one donor’s perspective, but it was nice to hear about it.  Maybe someday we do get to ask our donor herself about her perspective.

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