MicroblogMondays: We Will Miss Biu Gaw

My kiddos love my brother, my sister-in-law, and their cousins.  They know them by their Chinese titles: my brother as Kau Fu, my SIL as Kau Mo, my niece as Biu Jie, and my nephew as Biu Gaw.  The kids ask for them all the time.  When summer started, my nephew came to our morning outings quite a few times before he and his sister took a two-month trip to Taiwan to learn Mandarin.  He came to the zoo with us as well as an indoor tot gym that the kids go to every Friday.  Bunny and Okra ask for Biu Gaw every time we get into the car for our morning outing.  After the cousins returned from Taiwan, Biu Gaw started to join us again.  He was so good with the kids.  He watched one of them for me while I took care of the other one.  Because of him, I could take the kids to the areas of the zoo that I shy away from when I am by myself with them, such as the petting zoo and the playground.  The kids have been so wild and have not reached the age of listening to me that taking them to those places would be a bit dangerous in my opinion.  My nephew came to the rescue.  We had so much fun going to different places with him.  The babies are just so fond of him.  Last week was our last chance to hang out with him before he headed to college this past weekend.  I tried to explain to the babies that Biu Gaw is going to school and won’t see them until Christmas time.  Of course they still don’t have the cognitive ability to understand the magnitude of a loved one going away.   My nephew and I said our goodbyes when we were at his grandma/my SIL’s mom’s memorial service.  I hugged him and told him to study hard and play hard.  And just like that, this 18-year-old is gone.  He has arrived at his new school.  I am going to miss him so much.  And I am sure the kids are going to ask for him over and over until they realize one day that he is really gone.  Thank goodness there is something called FaceTime, but it doesn’t replace the intimacy of interacting with someone and spending quality time with that person face-to-face.  I just hope that the babies will still be close to their cousins despite the distance.  Sometimes thinking about their big age difference with their cousins is one of those very rare moments that makes me feel sad about my own infertility and how freaking long it took for my kids to be born.  I know that it is what it is, and I don’t think about it too much, but when I do, I still feel that life is unfair.

MicroblogMondays: Sick Parent

My dad who lives in Asia fell sick about a month ago.  He had high fever that remained high and was coughing nonstop.  He felt so sick that he called an ambulance in the middle of the night to take him to the emergency room.  Armed with antibiotics for his newly diagnosed pneumonia and fever-reducing meds, he was sent home to rest.  However, after being home for two more days, his temperature remained very high, and he was feeling very sick.  He again called an ambulance to the ER, and this time he was admitted to the hospital and was in isolation because of the fear of being infected by others.  My dad had never been so sick before.  He was coughing every single minute to a point where his muscles everywhere were sore and hurt.  Talking on the phone hurt because he would have to cough constantly while speaking.  No position was comfortable for him.  What worried me the most was his high fever.  He was burning up constantly.  His meds brought the temperature down a bit but it went back up high for quite a few days.  For a 74-year-old, pneumonia could be fatal.  Honestly, I was worried sick every single day that his fever remained high.  I felt so stuck that I couldn’t be there for him.  My brother considered flying there if my dad didn’t get better within a couple of days.  I also felt bad that his immediate family (me, my mom, and my brother) was not by his side.  Fortunately, my dad’s numerous siblings (he is one of ten) and my cousin were taking care of him.  The hospital ran so many tests on my dad to make sure that he had nothing more than pneumonia.  He was finally discharged after 6 days.  I was so relieved to know that he was on the mend.  He was notified by the public hospital that an earlier CT showed a shadow.  Since getting an appointment at the public hospital would take a long time, my dad got one done at a private hospital, and was told that the results didn’t show cancer.  Phew.  What a relief.  Last week my dad called me to chat.  He told me that the public hospital tried to schedule an appointment with him for a follow up on his pneumonia in September.  He told them that he wanted to plan a trip so he wouldn’t be available until early October.  I didn’t think much about that because my dad goes on hiking and biking trips all the time.  Then he said that he told them that he was planning a trip to go see babies.  I was puzzled as to which babies he was going to visit.  He was like, who else??? Then I realized that he meant my babies.  Then he told me this.  When he was lying on the hospital bed feeling very sick, he had that doomed feeling that he didn’t even know if he would ever make it out of the hospital.  He wondered if he would ever get to see his grand-babies again.  I guess when you are very sick especially at an older age, your mind goes to dark places.  It was at that time that he had made up his mind to come see us during the babies’ birthday month, which is September, even though we are going to visit him in Asia in October.  So just like that, grandpa who didn’t intend to come visit bought plane tickets so he can celebrate his grand-babies’ birthday with them.  I can understand how he feels, and am so happy that he is healthy enough to fly for 13 hours to come see them.  Especially after my sister-in-law’s mother passed away due to complications of dementia and colon cancer last week.  I feel blessed that my parents are still healthy and the kids have a chance to get to know them intimately.  I try not to take these chances to spend with my parents for granted because no one knows what tomorrow may bring.

MicroblogMondays: Breaking a Streak

Today, I broke my very long streak of posting my MicroblogMondays post on a Monday morning at 6:15am.  That didn’t even happen during my international trips, or our hazy days of having newborn twins.  I had kept at it week after week after week just because I love being consistent.  What was I doing instead?  My husband and I had a fight that wasn’t even particularly bad.  It was one of the same old topics that causes conflicts all the time.  I mean, we had also fought in the past on a Sunday evening, but I always managed to write a post and publish it on Monday morning.  Last night, I simply could not write.  I was staring at a blank screen wondering about the point of writing something for the sake of writing something when my emotions were all over the place.  It wouldn’t have been a genuine post of what I truly wanted to talk about.  I am happy to report that my husband and I went to bed in peace.  We forgave each other, as we always do.  The problem has been resolved.  It was worth it to use the time to mend our problems rather than writing a post.  But, can I just tell you how much I hate breaking the streak of something I was so consistent with?  I am such a creature of habit.  It is important to me.  Steering away from routine makes me very uncomfortable.  I had always wondered how I’d feel if I missed publishing a post on Mondays at 6:15.  Now I know.  Next week, I will start my streak again.  Have a great week everyone!

MicroblogMondays: Holding Hands

The kids have been fighting over toys a whole lot, which is tiring for the adults to defuse.  Despite all the fights, they have also started to show some love for each other.  Once in a while, they are willing to give what they are holding to the other person.  They ask for each other when they haven’t seen each other in a while (such as after nap).  Most recently, they seem to get into this phase of holding each other’s hands while we are out and about.  Bunny tells Okra to hold hands, and Okra would extend his hand to her.  When we were at the zoo the other day, instead of running to the opposite directions, the two of them were holding hands to visit different animals.  It was the most heartwarming and sweetest thing to witness.

On many days, raising twins is very hard, but it is moments like this that remind me how blessed we are to have these two growing up together.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.