A few more days before I go home.
One day I came down with a fever and had to stay in bed for two whole days. I managed to throw up everything that I ate.
Once I felt better, Hong Kong was hit with two typhoons. One of them was strong enough for the government to cancel work and school for everyone. So I was again trapped at home. The weather next day was better but I had heartburn and nausea. Extreme discomfort made me feel for those with chronic illnesses and pain. Feeling normal and healthy is so precious.
I visited with one of my closest college friends. That wasn’t the original plan. Originally lunch was with a few other friends, but the plans were changed due to my sickness. When I finally felt better, I opted to just see this one friend and her 4-year-old girl. It was nice to catch her up on my journey of DE and surrogacy. I doubt that I would have shared anything about it to the bigger group of friends. Her little girl is sort of a marker of the length of my fertility journey. My friend and I started trying for a baby at the same time. That was a month after she got married. She got pregnant right away and I didn’t. Her daughter is already four and mine has not even implanted yet. Seeing her, I wasn’t upset or anything. It was just a thought that crossed my mind. I know that it will forever be a thought that crosses my mind. A part of my fertility history. That my friend’s dream came true right away while I continue waiting for another five years. Hopefully the wait is going to be over soon.
I don’t know why but many of my friends feel the need to tell me about their own friends’ fertility journey. I guess because these people also had to use IVF to get to their babies. This friend told me about her friend who tried for a couple of years, first in Hong Kong, then in New York, and finally now is in her second trimester after trying one more time in Hong Kong. This friend of hers is a year older than me but she used her own eggs. Sometimes I don’t know how to react to this kind of news especially when she’s successful carrying using her own eggs but I have to use donor eggs and another person’s uterus.
My grandma’s birthday banquet was last Saturday night. I responded well to all my younger cousins’ babies as I played with them and interacted with them. Most of my family was good and didn’t ask me about babies. Except for one person. My least favorite relative. This is my grandfather’s nephew who grew up without his dad so he was raised by my grandpa. He somehow disliked me a lot when I was a little kid and yelled at me a lot. After I grew up, I had made peace with his existence and do talk to him when I see him at gatherings. The moment he saw me, he asked me, “Why don’t you have a baby? You should have a baby by now.” What the heck? I didn’t know how to respond to him so I just mumbled something. But it had been a long time since I reacted strongly to someone’s inquiry about my childless state. I guess it’s because I knew that he didn’t mean well, unlike other inquiries. My childless oldest cousin who has had miscarriages and recently divorced overheard our conversation defended me and said to him, “You think it is that easy, huh?” She turned to me and said, “Just ignore him. ” Thank you cousin for being my voice when I couldn’t find one myself at that particular moment.
My best friend told me a story about her elementary school classmate that had me scratching my head. Let’s call her Jean. Jean is our age and tried for a long time to have a baby with her estranged husband. This is the first red flag of the story. Why would she want a baby with a man she doesn’t like or love anymore? She eventually got pregnant via IVF and gave birth about a month ago. This is what my best friend discovered through their conversation. Once the baby was born, Jean hired a helper and sent the baby and her husband to her mother-in-law’s house since Jean’s own house is under renovation currently. But, since she doesn’t like her MIL, she won’t let her MIL take care of the baby. Only the helper does all the feedings and diaper changes. What does Jean do? She watches the baby and the helper’s every move via a webcam on her phone all day long ever since the birth. She yells out commands to the helper via the webcam. She has not gone to see, visit, touch, hold, kiss, or feed the baby since he was born. She sits at home daily by herself and monitors another person’s work of taking care of her own baby. In Chinese culture, traditionally women are recommended to stay at home postpartum, but it’s an extreme that she doesn’t even go visit her own baby who had taken a lot of her effort to make. So her husband and helper take the baby to all the checkups and she stays home by herself. She doesn’t have friends and she’s not close to her family. So she is home everyday without any human interaction and just stares at the screen on her cell phone. You can imagine next month when she takes the baby home she would have missed a lot of her baby’s development and bonding time with her. It boggles my mind. To each their own.
Finally, I bought a couple of things for my future baby. Here they are:
You know me. I’m not afraid of jinxing things. I can’t wait to put these cute onesies on my baby.
One more week until transfer!!!