It’s Chinese New Year. The tradition is to go visit with relatives in their home during this time. My mom was going to visit my aunt and spend time with my cousins, their wives, and my cousin’s baby. I wrote about my cousin and his wife who got pregnant and gave birth not even a year into their marriage. I was feeling bitter at times and did not want to see them or meet the baby after he was born. I sometimes do see pictures of the baby and he is becoming cuter and cuter. When my mom told me that she was going to get together with my aunt, I gave her a red envelope to give to the baby. This is a tradition during Chinese New Year for married relatives to give single relatives, especially children, a monetary gift placed in a red envelope for good fortune. When my mom came home from the visit, she said that my cousin who just dropped her off wanted to come in and say thank you for our red envelope for the baby. Bob and I greeted him and he asked if we wanted to meet the baby. Instead of feeling reluctant, I found myself wanting to meet that baby. Bob and I went to my cousin’s car and saw a baby with chubby cheeks sleeping peacefully in his car seat. My cousin’s wife and I chatted a little bit about this five month old baby who is already 18 pounds. I touched his cheeks and his hand. It dawned on me that I no longer feel jealous of my cousin and his wife, and I don’t feel bitter or the need to hide from them and the baby anymore. This realization is so freeing. My cousin said that he had arranged for his family to have dinner with my brother’s family in March. He invited us along with my mom and his mom. I told him that we’d be there. I think having dinner and spending time with them all will be a true test of my true feelings about my cousin and his fertile wife. Bob asked, “Will you want to hold the baby?” Without much hesitation, I said, “Sure!” I think this is a big step forward.