MicroblogMondays: Closure

I didn’t think I was going to attend my grandma’s funeral.  My thought was, if I didn’t get to spend time with her before she died, what is the use of going right now as I don’t even get to spend time with her.  The day after grandma died, my dad sent me a text with the dates: the wake will be on 3/23 and the funeral is the next morning.  He called me that evening and wondered if I had thought of going for just a few days.  I was honest about it.  It hadn’t even crossed my mind to go all the way to Asia mainly because of my schedule for the next week or so.  But I promised him that I’d think about it.  He told me that there was no pressure, which I believed him.  My dad never pressures us into doing anything.

So this is what I was originally scheduled to do: driving with Bob to a bible study conference in Southern California on 3/17 Friday and returning on 3/19 Sunday.  I bought plane tickets to go to Annie’s hometown 3/20 Monday morning so I could attend the 12 weeks 5 days ultrasound that afternoon.  The plan was for me to return home on 3/21 evening.  If I stuck with my plan and still go to my grandma’s funeral, I’d basically have to fly out to Asia on 3/21 evening in order to make it to the wake.  Imagine traveling from Friday to Sunday to one place, Monday to Tuesday to another place, and immediately flying all the way to Asia.  I know nothing is impossible, but with my age and stamina, I don’t think it will be the wisest thing for me to do.  I am not that young anymore.

So my choice came down to: seeing the babies?  Or honoring grandma?

I did struggle with the decision.  It’s not about the money.  Fortunately we have been flying Sout.hwest, and this airline allows for cancellation of reservations and the funds can be used towards another travel within a year.  I can cancel the flight to Annie’s hometown and won’t lose our money.  The airfare to Asia is surprisingly inexpensive.  I get five days of bereavement leave at work so it doesn’t make a huge dent in my vacation time that I am saving up for prenatal appointments.  I do miss seeing my babies, especially after the last ultrasound when I felt that I just wanted to be there to witness everything, to be part of my babies’ lives as much as possible during this time.  But I know that the babies aren’t going to go anywhere, and Bob and I are going to attend the 16 weeks ultrasound.  It is really not going to be a huge deal skipping the 12 weeks ultrasound.

Another thing is, I feel that I will not have a whole lot of time to go to Asia the next few months and especially after the babies arrive.  I know of people who travel with their newborns to see relatives in Asia, but I don’t know how feasible it will be with two babies.  My paternal grandmother is approaching 98.  It may be a good time for me to go see her again before my life gets crazy in the next few months.  Nobody knows how long she will be here on earth, right?  And when I go and see her in person, I can share our good news about the twins with her face-to-face.  This may help me cope with the loss of my other grandma who never learned about her great grandkids.

Bob was 100% supportive for whatever decision I was going to make.  So after praying and sleeping on it for a few days, I decided to forego the prenatal appointment and to make a trip to Asia for just eight days.  It is going to be a short trip but enough for me to spend some quality time with my family and supporting my mom who has been tremendously sad losing her mother.  Thank God for technology, I will still be able to see the babies like usual on my tiny phone screen when Annie goes to the 12 weeks 5 days ultrasound.  To me, this is the best plan so that my grandma’s life will be honored.  I feel at peace with this decision.  Although I didn’t get to see my grandma before she died, I believe this trip will help bring closure.


9 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Closure

  1. First, My condolences to you and your family.
    I think you made the right choice. Have a safe trip. Hope the ultrasound goes well and your remote connection is great that day.


  2. I think you made the right decision as well. (I would likely have said that no matter what decision you made as it is your decision.)
    Also my condolences on the loss of your grandmother. May God comfort you and all who mourn.


  3. I think that was the best decision too. We will soon be going on a trip that is inconvenient for us but we will spend time with my grandparents, and that makes it worth it. And you’re 100% right about travel being more difficult when the babies arrive.


  4. I think you made the right decision as well. I lived a 4 hour flight from my grandmother, and while I did get to visit with her when she first got sick – I did not see her again. I did not make the trip back for the funeral and it is something I regret to this day. At the time, I thought I didn’t need to because I’d said my goodbyes to her…but in retrospect I realize the funeral is not for the person who has passed, it’s for their family and friends to be with the people who loved her and grieving together.

    I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope your trip to Asia is everything you need it to be.


  5. Sending a hug and a wish for safe travels. Glad that technology lets you still peek on the babies while being there for your mum and the rest of your family.


  6. I think you’re making a good choice. I hope your travels are safe and that the scan goes wonderfully well!!! Sending lots of peace to you and your family!!


  7. It does sound like a tough decision but I agree. People don’t live forever and I think you will be grateful that you took the time to see your grandma. My grandparents were all gone by the time I was 18. I should go to Greece to see my aunt soon. It feels like an overwhelming trip to plan at the moment, but we never know how much time there is!


  8. Isabelle, I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother’s passing. My heart goes out to your family, especially your mother. I’m sorry that you had to make the decision between two such important events, but I pray you have peace and closure. XOXO! ❤


  9. What an incredibly difficult decision. Of course you want to be there to see your babies. Thank goodness for technology. Wishing you safe travels and so sorry for your loss.


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