Our much anticipated 5th wedding anniversary trip to Maui is just around the corner. Five days from now to be exact. Back in January when we planned the trip, we were wondering where we would be in our quest of our binky moongee during our Maui trip. Would we be in our second trimester? If our February transfer had failed, would we have found a new donor already? Would we be in the middle of our new cycle? Despite the unknowns, we decided to forge ahead with our plans for our 5th wedding anniversary trip because living life is as important as waiting for a baby. I would not have imagined ourselves to be in this uncharted territory: deciding if carrying a baby would be a dangerous choice for my body and my baby. My therapist was right: it seems like this is a season of uncertainty and we’d better get used to this space. Bob and I have discussed about the various case scenarios. We are trying to figure out the right direction for us. It is no easy task. How does one go about doing that? Therefore, we are not forcing ourselves to make a quick decision. Maybe those eight days in Maui will give us some down time to continue to let the news sink in. Maybe one path will emerge as the right path for us. I am grateful that we made a decision to love ourselves and plan a trip. A very good friend of mine who has been banking embryos finally prioritized an overseas trip over a banking cycle. She has missed many opportunities for travels in the last year because of her fear of missing a cycle. I am so proud of her that she has chosen to live life this time. In this cruel journey, we have to make a choice to be kind to ourselves. Although this is not the babymoon that we had hoped for, I am still looking forward to sleeping with the sounds of the ocean, sunrise at Haleakala, savoring every bite of fresh fish, enjoying all the fresh fruit Maui has to offer, bathing in the sun on the beach, sporting my brand new swimsuit, and spending some quality time with my dear husband. Hopefully during the time of our trip God will give us the clarity and maybe a new perspective that we need to move forward in our journey.