The next transfer is slowly creeping up on us.
I have been on Lu.pron and estrogen patches for a few weeks now. The one and only lining check is going to be today at 11:30am.
How have I been feeling? Mostly at peace. I pray for peace and strength, and total trust in the Lord daily. I did have one moment of panic about one week ago but it went away quickly. I found myself in a different state this time. Lighter, perhaps? The old me would have been very on top of things. However, this time, I have been quite forgetful. I often get startled by the Goog.le calendar reminder for the Lu.rpon shot at 9:15pm. At times, I truly forget that an injection has been scheduled daily. Maybe I feel that there are better things to do than to get overly stressed about the injection? As long as the phone reminder does its job, I have nothing to worry about. I was supposed to leave a voicemail with my clinic after I started my estrogen patch. I did start the patch, but totally forgot about calling the clinic until my nurse hunted me down with a phone call. This is very unlike me, but it tells you how much I am not thinking about the transfer. After taking a break since our failed cycle, I finally contacted my acupuncturist for a few sessions leading up to the transfer. When she saw me last week, I shared my feelings with her about this cycle. She observed my face and my body language and said I did look lighter. It’s so interesting to know that she could actually see it on my face.
Another interesting thing is, today’s lining check does not stress me out. The last time I was stressed out because I had a date set and I really wanted to do it right before Thanksgiving. With my mind set on a date, the appropriate thickness of the lining was very important on my lining check date. This time we don’t even have a set transfer date. Transfer will be any day between February 1 and February 5. So the thickness of the lining today is not as important. I feel that I am just going with the flow. Whatever the nurses and doctors say, I’ll follow.
Don’t get me wrong. Even with this newfound “lightness”, I am still hopeful. I am still thinking and planning ahead for a pregnancy. I do think about a couple of months down the line what I will be doing with my new pregnancy. Recently, Bob and I started talking about planning a trip for our 5th year wedding anniversary. We were originally going to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Because I just didn’t have enough energy to plan another thing right before our wedding, we abandoned that plan and went somewhere locally (and still had a blast). We always talk about going to Hawaii but still haven’t gone. We have already saved up the money for it. We have even labeled our savings account for that trip “Babymoon”. So we are going to go. I haven’t booked anything yet pending Bob’s vacation approval from his work. But during all the research and planning, it did cross my mind that anything could happen at that point. We could be 14 weeks pregnant. We could have failed the cycle and be still looking for a donor. Or we could have found a donor and our planned trip would be right in the middle of our cycle. But you know what? I can’t let all the what-ifs stop us from living life. And I choose to believe that by the time our trip rolls around, I will be bringing our baby along. It will be a trip for our family of three. Isn’t that a wonderful thought? I will even sacrifice the enjoyment of consuming various kinds of fish that Hawaii has to offer for the sake of my child.
And how’s Bob doing? He is doing much better. He was angry at God for a while but he seems to be in a better place. He can pray again and we pray together. He is also hopeful about this coming cycle but not as “light” as I am. He is still skeptical about it and sometimes feels that we should save every single penny up for more treatment, such as the money we have already set aside for our babymoon trip. I just let him go a little crazy for a while before he comes to me and tells me that we should go on our trip. 😉
So yeah, I guess transfer will be here before we know it. I am really ready for it. Hopefully I can keep my “lightness” through out these next few weeks.