Our much anticipated 5th wedding anniversary trip to Maui is just around the corner. Five days from now to be exact. Back in January when we planned the trip, we were wondering where we would be in our quest of our binky moongee during our Maui trip. Would we be in our second trimester? If our February transfer had failed, would we have found a new donor already? Would we be in the middle of our new cycle? Despite the unknowns, we decided to forge ahead with our plans for our 5th wedding anniversary trip because living life is as important as waiting for a baby. I would not have imagined ourselves to be in this uncharted territory: deciding if carrying a baby would be a dangerous choice for my body and my baby. My therapist was right: it seems like this is a season of uncertainty and we’d better get used to this space. Bob and I have discussed about the various case scenarios. We are trying to figure out the right direction for us. It is no easy task. How does one go about doing that? Therefore, we are not forcing ourselves to make a quick decision. Maybe those eight days in Maui will give us some down time to continue to let the news sink in. Maybe one path will emerge as the right path for us. I am grateful that we made a decision to love ourselves and plan a trip. A very good friend of mine who has been banking embryos finally prioritized an overseas trip over a banking cycle. She has missed many opportunities for travels in the last year because of her fear of missing a cycle. I am so proud of her that she has chosen to live life this time. In this cruel journey, we have to make a choice to be kind to ourselves. Although this is not the babymoon that we had hoped for, I am still looking forward to sleeping with the sounds of the ocean, sunrise at Haleakala, savoring every bite of fresh fish, enjoying all the fresh fruit Maui has to offer, bathing in the sun on the beach, sporting my brand new swimsuit, and spending some quality time with my dear husband. Hopefully during the time of our trip God will give us the clarity and maybe a new perspective that we need to move forward in our journey.
This is going to be one busy week. Bob continues to have his time off, but I do have to go to work on Monday and Tuesday.
At 7:30pm this evening, we will have our meeting with our donor. What?! Yes. We do! Our donor is open to communication and sharing her identifying information. So we took advantage of her openness and asked to schedule a meeting with her. Since Bob will start his new job next week somewhere away from the city, it feels like it’s the best to set up a meeting with Iris, our donor, before the new job begins. I gave the agency director a few dates and she chose Monday. It’s coming up really quickly. I am very excited about it. And since I haven’t had the time to think much about it, I am not feeling nervous just yet. I know I will be, at least a little bit, when the time comes closer. I don’t yet know what we will talk about. Since we have learned a great deal about her in her profile already, I don’t necessarily have a list of questions for her. The whole purpose of this is for us to tell our future child(ren) as completely as possible the whole process of creating him/her/them. I would like to describe to my child(ren) the meeting, our donor’s appearance, mannerism, and things that we talked about. So I think we will just talk a bit about ourselves and what we are like as a couple. I would also like to learn about her as a person, her likes and dislikes, and her life in the city. I know that she didn’t have a happy childhood due to her parents’ divorce and her strained relationship with her mother. So I may not ask her too much about her childhood. Anyhow, I know that not everyone has the chance to meet with their donor, or has the desire to. This just feels like the logical next steps for us. I really hope for a positive and meaningful meeting with Iris.
Tomorrow evening, our night with Phantom has finally arrived! The crazy me back in January pondered about my potential pregnancy and wondered if I should buy these musical tickets so much in advance risking being seven months pregnant. Silly me. Well, good thing I did because the night is almost here! I am thankful for the decision to live life rather than to wait. I’ve gotta say, seven months went by really quickly.
Our Vegas trip is from Wednesday to Friday. Our flight leaves at 8am Wednesday morning, so it doesn’t leave us much time to rest after our Phantom night. But it’s okay, because I know we will be having fun! Las Vegas will be extremely hot, so I think most likely we’ll stay indoors. I really hope that O will wow me!
It is definitely going to be a full week. Hopefully it will be a fulfilling one too!
Bob and I had been talking about taking a trip somewhere for the Fourth of July weekend. One of the choices was to drive up north for about ten hours to visit with my friend Chloe and her family. After the little incident between me and Chloe, I don’t feel ready to spend a few days with her. I have this instinct to guard my heart and to protect myself from any more insensitive or hurtful comments, although I know that Chloe will be extra careful with me when it comes to talking about my fertility. Still, I don’t want to risk it, especially at around the time when we expect to be in the middle of a egg donation cycle. Plus, after all that we have endured in the past nine months, Bob really wants to have something to look forward to. I do too. We still have to live life, right? Bob’s first love is trains. He talks about trains on a daily basis. He has been wanting to take an overnight train ride somewhere in the country. Sometimes when Bob cuddles with me at night, he would ask me what train we are pretending to be taking. I would often say “a train to Chicago”. He would slightly shake his body and make quiet train sounds while we fall asleep. I really want to make him happy and to thank him for being there with me on this life journey. I checked the Amtrak fare for California Zephyr that runs from San Francisco to Chicago. After doing some calculations, riding a train on July 4th is cheaper than any other days around that time. I originally hesitated booking because of the unknown timing of a DE cycle. However, living life is more important. If a DE cycle happens to be around that time, it can wait. I am done holding off our life because of infertility. The whole train ride will be over 51 hours. A roomette was our original plan since it contains bunk beds. However, after I saw that a bedroom has a lot of extra space, a possibility for two people to sleep in the lower berth, and its own in-room shower and sink, I was sold. It costs a lot more money to book the bedroom. But I figured that a train journey is an attraction in itself. So the extra money is worth it. All the meals are included. There is no wifi on the train, and the cell phone reception is reportedly spotty. I guess we really have to interact with each other in these 51 + hours. Haha. It’ll be good for our relationship. Free of unnecessary distractions. We’ll spend a week there and fly back on July 11th. That means that I’ll celebrate my birthday there in Chicago! One of my best friends lives there so we’ll be spending a lot of time with him and his family. AND, one of my best online friends lives a few hours away so we may have a chance to finally meet up!
I shared the news with Chloe, who, although was super bummed about not seeing us in July, took it really well and was excited for us.
We are so excited about the trip. It’s important to build memory as a couple, especially something more fun and memorable than our IVF cycles.
Three more months. Can’t wait!
Phantom of the Opera is going to be in town. From mid-August to early October, to be exact.
Bob and I watched Wicked at the same theatre five years ago. We had such a fantastic time. I would love to watch the Producers, but I will watch any musicals that come to town. I had seen Phantom before, but Bob hasn’t. So I would LOVE to watch it with him.
I know it’s a bit crazy to buy tickets for a musical so far in advance. But that’s what people do if they want good seats, right? The last time we were at that theatre, we sat in the Orchestra section in the back. The view was good, but this time I want to try upstairs so we can see the ceiling and the whole view of the stage more clearly. I am not willing to pay $205 for premium seats in the Premium Orchestra section or in the Loge. I found that the seats one row or two behind the Premium Loge section are $100 to $105. Much more gentle on our budget. I was clicking on all the different dates and was even looking into end of September or beginning of October for row D, which is right behind the $205 seats.
A small voice came into my head, asking: What if you’re pregnant then? What if you’re seven months pregnant and need bed rest because you’re carrying twins? What if you’re not pregnant but you need to go out of town for donor egg cycles?
How do I plan so far ahead for all the uncertainty in this fertility journey?
I hate it when I have doubts.
I am glad I have a husband like Bob. He said, “Well, we have got to live life. If you’re pregnant with twins and can’t go, I will be more than happy to give away the tickets to the doctor who helped you get pregnant. Let’s just buy them.”
So I did!
I managed to find tickets on a Tuesday night in late August, two rows behind the Premium Loge $205 seats pretty close to the middle. I figured if I got pregnant, I would only be six months pregnant. I should be able to move around and enjoy a musical, right?
I surely hope that my little miracle will be enjoying Phantom of the Opera with us inside of me.
Even if it’s not the case, we still get to live life, doing what we want to do without the fear of the future and uncertainty.
And that’s important.