Today is transfer day. It won’t happen until 3pm. It’s considered quite late for a transfer, but I’ll go with the flow. Thankfully my acupuncturist who anticipated the transfer to be earlier was able to rearrange her schedule so she could do my pre and post transfer sessions at the clinic.
I have been at peace with this process. I have been thinking positive thoughts and letting positive energy flow through my body about this transfer. Being anxious, negative, pessimistic, or worried has not served us well in the past. Instead of worrying about the transfer not working, I want to be as welcoming as possible to this little life that will have a chance to live inside me. I want my body to be as nurturing as possible. The only way to do it is to be positive and expect it to work. I will leave the grieving, worrying, or being disappointed to the future if this doesn’t work. Right now, there is every possible reason to believe that this will work. Negative thoughts will once in a while creep in, like what if my embryo doesn’t thaw well? Well, again, worrying about something that may or may not happen is not going to make the situation better. When I have negative thoughts, I pray and ask God to help me focus on Him and Him alone and to focus on His might and power, to turn the impossible into possible.
It has been harder for Bob to be optimistic. His mind dwells on the past, the failures, the heartaches. He is already talking about the next steps assuming that this doesn’t work. I can understand why he feels this way, but again, focusing on the negative is not going to prepare us better for a bad outcome. It just means for him to possibly live the negative emotions twice or even live the negative emotions for no reason if the cycle works. I have asked him for a favor for me, for himself, and for Lucy our embryo. I have asked him to also try to stay positive and to surround us all with positive energy and thoughts. A welcoming environment for Lucy from the both of us will be the ideal for the embryo to grow. He is listening to me and is getting excited about the transfer along with me.
The ladies in my Fac.ebook TTC group are so cute. They would often wear super hero attires for me on retrieval day and transfer day. This time someone suggested mixing things up and wearing something different. We then all decided to wear Valentine-themed socks. I loved that idea and bought a new pair of transfer socks for myself:
It’s nice to have something fresh and special to wear. Look at all the hearts and the pink! I normally don’t buy anything pink but why not have fun with it and go all out??? So today at 3pm my feet will be sporting these news socks in the stirrups.
And then, I got a surprise in the mail. One of the ladies in the same Fac.ebook group is a strong believer who has suffered quite a few miscarriages in her life. We are friends on Fac.ebook but don’t usually chat or have contact outside of commenting in the group. When I saw her name on the package, I was truly surprised. This is what she sent me:
A 2.5×2.5 little canvas on which she painted a picture and the word “Brave”. On the edge of the canvas she wrote down a bible verse Joshua 1:9. I went and looked it up. It says:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
These are her words in her card:
“One of my favorite songs right now is You Make Me Brave by Amanda Cook. You have been on my heart so much this past year. You are such a brave soul. I continue to lift you up to the Father when I think of you.”
What a thoughtful gift and message. They touched a special spot in my heart. Right then and there in my garage, I teared up thinking about her and all the people that I have or have not met in person. All those who pray for me openly or silently. I appreciate their love and care and genuine concern so much. It is such a warm and touching thought to be surrounded by love and prayers.
I listened to the song many times that night, soaking in the words. Here is the video:
Last night we celebrated our upcoming transfer by eating my last raw fish meal for the next many months:
It was so fresh, yummy, and fulfilling! After this meal, I am ready to get pregnant and stay pregnant.
I believe it will happen.