MicroblogMondays: Up in the Air

Like I mentioned before, I am involved in a project where I present to parents with children under three about strategies to boost their children’s communication.  Later on, I was also tapped into doing monthly presentations to pregnant ladies about how they can communicate with their babies.  At first I was a bit apprehensive about seeing baby bumps on a regular basis.  But I have really grown to enjoy connecting with these mothers-to-be, helping them understand their importance in their babies’ development.  Last Friday, the project’s organizer, my pregnant supervisor, and I had a meeting to discuss the plans and the contract for 2016.  I can’t help but think about the first time I met with this project organizer.  She jokingly told me not to get pregnant until after the workshops were done.  That was almost exactly a year ago.  Now a year later, I still have no baby.  Anyways, so we were discussing about a few things: 1) me teaching another social worker my prenatal presentation content by mid-2016 so she could take over the presentation, 2) developing a curriculum for parents with children between 3 and 5 years old by February, 3) doing the newborn to three year old presentation and three to five year old presentation at most 6 times next year, so once every other month, 4) presenting the prenatal curriculum to the clinic OB/GYN, pediatricians, and staff in February so that they know what these new mothers are learning.  It is going to be a busy year.  When the organizer was talking about the timing, my mind kept wandering to where I would be in my potential pregnancy.  When I do my January prenatal class, I would be 9-week pregnant.  By February, I’d be 14 weeks.  Mid-year, hopefully I should be seven months pregnant.  Then I was thinking, I probably wouldn’t be able to do the last three of the six presentations in the plans because I would be with my baby.  The organizer asked me how I felt about the planning, I said everything looked fine and made sense.  I also said, Nobody knows what’s going to happen next year.  I am sure they didn’t know what I meant.  I know it’s dangerous to let my mind go so far about next year.  I am hopeful that things will turn around for us this time.  But at the same time, I am scared to death that we would be disappointed.  If these donor eggs don’t work out for us, I know that it would be extra hard to go through with this project, doing these presentations, and being involved in all the planning knowing that I was once so hopeful about the chances.  But then, I know that God has a plan for us.  He has sustained us for the last four years with our ups and downs.  I know that if this doesn’t pan out for us, He would continue to carry us through.  But still, I know it would be extra tough for both Bob and me to enter the fifth year of our fertility journey without a baby bump or a baby.

I am still opting for being hopeful, because, why not?  I just hope that my optimism and hopefulness pay off and my time with this project will be over by August next year.