TMI Warning: This whole post contains a discussion of blood, so skip it if you are squeamish about it.
How ironic that I was worried about getting my period too early one week ago. Today I am scratching my head trying to figure out how to define “full flow”.
I have been spotting on and off since last Tuesday. I was instructed to take my last birth control pill on Saturday regardless of the status of AF. I was told to expect menses to start any time between Sunday and Thursday. I am to contact my nurse if full flow still does not come by Thursday. So me being me, nosy and paranoid, I emailed my nurse last week asking what would happen if full flow has not come on Thursday. She told me that she would have me go in on Thursday or Friday for an ultrasound to look at the lining. If the lining is thin enough, I am to start estrogen patches to start building my lining.
I think AF is teasing me. This is going to be TMI, but last Friday I thought AF was finally here because I felt a rush of blood coming right before I left for work. So I had to go back to the bathroom and put on a pad after confirming that yes there was some quantity of blood. I innocently declared to Bob that yay AF was here and we would start our cycle. However, that was it for that day. Every time I wiped there was some blood, but overall not enough to say that it was full flow. Ever since that day, I have been wiping and wiping hoping that blood would come. However, I would soil my pad for a little but disappointingly a constant stream of red never arrived. So these past two days, going to the bathroom has become a major guessing game. Full flow? Spotting? Light flow? Less than light flow? More than spotting? One could drive oneself crazy trying to analyze the flow of blood. All I can say is that every time I go to the bathroom, I wipe, and there is blood. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a little bit more. My pad would be soiled, but very much unlike a full flow that I am used to. I know I am still two days away from Thursday, and my friend Jane did tell me that Lup.ron sometimes would delay her period’s arrival. But it doesn’t stop me from
overanalyzing it. I am just so eager for AF to come at full force, thin out my current lining, so I can build it all up again. I hate to be in a vague situation where no one but myself can help me figure out what full flow is.
Of course I wrote my nurse again today. She said, “We need to continue to wait to see if you start a heavier flow vs spotting. If still spotting on Thursday then I think you should come in that day or Friday for an ultrasound before starting the patch. The patch can go on anytime as long as you are cleared to start the patch.”
What I haven’t asked, and dare not to ask, is what if heavier flow doesn’t come and the ultrasound shows that my lining is not thin at all? I hate to know that there would be any delay to our cycle.
Stressing myself out is the last thing that I want. I pray for God to just allow me to not get stressed out about a tiny thing called period. I am working on trusting my body and the timing of things even if things that are supposed to be straight forward (getting your period after you stop birth control pills) aren’t always so.
In other news, Lupr.on injection continues to be uneventful as we are a team of two, one drawing the meds and the other injecting. The Lup.ron two-week kit comes with 14 syringes. However, I am instructed to continue the injections beyond two weeks. I have many syringes but not the insulin ones that are marked by units instead of ml. Jane told me that 1 unit = 1 ml on most diabetic syringes…. so I should be able to use my other syringes. But me not being a professional, I don’t want to risk things. So that means I won’t have enough of this type of syringes to last me longer than two weeks. Turns out my friend Q who lives in San Francisco has many many many many of these syringes that she can spare. Being resourceful with resourceful friends comes in handy.
We can do it, right? I can’t wait til 11/19, the day of our lining check, to arrive.
More deep breaths.