Today, we are at 19 weeks 5 days of our pregnancy. Since our OB won’t let Annie go past 38 weeks (C-section scheduled for 38 weeks 2 days), we are over our half way point.
A question I get asked a lot: “Have you bought anything yet?” meaning to prepare for the babies’ arrival. The answer is, No.
I will be flying over to attend the anatomy scan on Thursday. Bob has a new job which doesn’t allow him to be off any time during the month of May. Fortunately he got to witness the mini-anatomy scan at the last ultrasound, so hopefully he isn’t going to miss a whole lot.
I don’t know why, but I have a difficult time letting myself buy anything before the 20-week scan. In fact, planning anything related to the babies has been hard for me. Maybe a part of me still doesn’t believe that the babies are coming. Maybe that part of me thinks that if I prepare for anything, I’d be more devastated if things don’t work out in the end. But whether or not I am in denial, the babies are growing and in less than 19 weeks, we’ll get to see them face-to-face.
It freaks me out at times that maybe I don’t have time to get ready for them. Four months will pass very quickly and I will be responsible for these lives. What if I am not ready by then? My to-do list in my head was growing longer and longer so I eventually typed it up on my Google tasks. I want to do window treatment for the whole house especially for the babies’ room. We need to move all the junk out of our second bedroom so we can set up the nursery. We need to start looking into a new car. My sister-in-law asked me about the baby shower so I have to give her a date. With the baby shower date comes the need to start a baby registry. And how does one begin to have a baby registry for twins? And what about classes to learn about how to take care of babies especially twins? In person classes or online classes? We also have to decide on how to bring the babies home. Road trip that will take a few days assuming that we’ll have to stop every two hours? Or a two-hour plane ride with newborns? I need to book a photographer soon if I want to do a maternity photo shoot. And what about birth photography? Do we do both or just one? When do we do the maternity shoot and how to do it? Do we fly home and do newborn photos back home or do we do it there? We’ll make an announcement on Fac.ebook and I will also announce at work. Is it going to be scary to let everyone around us know? Where do I find a person to cover for me for my maternity leave? Someone who speaks my native language so he/she can see all of my clients? And how do I tell the parents of my existing clients about surrogacy and maternity leave? Do we have to find a pediatrician soon?
So many things. My head spins.
I know not to get ahead of myself, but sometimes my mind just goes and it doesn’t stop. So I need to focus on one to two things at a time. So window treatment and photographer it is. But even with just two things, I feel overwhelmed contacting people while working a full-time job.
The one positive spin of not carrying the babies is that I have all the energy in the world to get ready for them since I don’t have to fight back pain, pelvic pressure, or frequent bathroom visits. It is still overwhelming but I know I can get all the things done. I guess I need lots of deep breaths and yoga to get everything done the next few months. If pregnant women can do it, I can too.
(By the way, my previous post was my 400th post. It took almost four years to write this many posts but I’m very glad I continue to blog. I wonder what will happen after the twins are born. I hope I will still have the time and the drive to blog.)
In Quest of a Binky Moongee 
For what it’s worth I can comment on the travel options.
Plane rides with newborns are super easy! Just make sure you are wearing a carrier so that you can have free arms. 🙂 I’m thinking 1 baby in a carrier with one parent. Honestly, our son just slept through all three flights we took when he was less then 3 weeks old.
Driving is also fairly easy, but not as quick and more worrisome because long car rides with newborns just freaked us out because we were worried about maintaining an open airway on long stretches (we drove over 1000 miles when our son was under 1 week old). Driving is also hard because you wont have much sleep.
Honestly, I’d just fly. It’s WAY quicker and so much less to worry about.
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To echo MPB–baby carriers are invaluable IMO and may I recommend the ergo baby + infant insert (buckle carriers are easy to get on/off and easy to adjust). Pick a theme for your nursery and it will come together based on that. Definitely ask twin moms/google what you’ll need for your registry. You’ll want to do the baby shower earlier in case the twins arrive early so perhaps around 28 or 30 weeks? That way you can finish your nursery and be ready to go at a moments notice. You can buy a package with a photog local to where babies will be delivered that includes maternity/birth/newborn if possible. Hospitals offer lots of classes for expecting parents re: newborn care so you can ask your local OBGYN what options are available to you. You can join local parents of multiples groups (probably find them on facebook or meetup.com) so you can meet other parents of twins+. So excited for you! XOXO
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We used the ergo baby + infant insert and it was perfect at that age for flying! I highly recommend it.
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Lillebaby with an infant insert is fantastic too. I love ours and still use it with A for walks outside when I feel like she’s been laying too much in a day. Pretty soon she’ll be ready to sit up in a stroller…it goes too fast!
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I’d fly and buy at least three seats in a row. If you do lap babies, you can’t be in the same row (3 adults and 2 babies) bc there are only 4 oxygen masks in each row. Fly to get it over with!
I didn’t start getting ready for my first until after 20 weeks. You have time. I’d start the house tasks first. Baby stuff is easy to buy! The advantage of a surrogate is that you’ll be feeling active and mobile up until delivery. I’m so excited for you all!!
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Been there. There is no other way to start getting ready then to start getting ready. And yes you do have to start sometime. Newborns don’t need A LOT (well double for twins), so you don’t have to go overboard, but think about what you definitely DON’T want to do once the babies are here and make that a priority. If 20 weeks is when you feel comfortable, or theoretically comfortable, then start preparing at 20 weeks. You will probably have to set an arbitrary date because this is a major life change and you don’t just wake up one day OK with it. It’s a process. The process does feel overwhelming at first but the more you do, the more normal it becomes. Many good wishes to you!
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I’ll try to answer some of the questions:
And how does one begin to have a baby registry for twins? You register for two of most things! People at Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby, etc. are more than willing to help you figure out what you need, but I would make sure to talk to parents because they tend to a put a lot of extra things on “things you need.”
And what about classes to learn about how to take care of babies especially twins? In person classes or online classes? I would do an in-person class. We took a infant CPR/choking class and general baby class through our local hospital. Don’t get scared if they talk about SIDS a lot.
We also have to decide on how to bring the babies home. Road trip that will take a few days assuming that we’ll have to stop every two hours? Or a two-hour plane ride with newborns? My friend who used her sister as a gestational carrier ended up flying from Atlanta to Denver because they thought it would be easier than driving. The babies are going to sleep most of the drive/flight so it is up to you whether you want to get it over with quickly and are okay with the germs in the plane or if you want to take longer to drive.
I need to book a photographer soon if I want to do a maternity photo shoot. And what about birth photography? Do we do both or just one? When do we do the maternity shoot and how to do it? Do we fly home and do newborn photos back home or do we do it there? I didn’t do a maternity shoot because I figured that I would rather have shots of my kids when they were young instead of me looking like a whale. Generally newborn photos are done within the first two weeks of birth as they are super sleepy and pliable. 🙂
Do we have to find a pediatrician soon? Simply because you are having twins I would at least start looking sometime soon. You will want to figure out what you are looking for in a doctor- for me it was the ability to call with questions 24/7, walk-in hours, later/weekend hours, pro-breast feeding, pro-vaccines, etc. You can ask to sit down with a few peds to get a feel for them as you will be seeing them a lot the first year of life!
I didn’t start actually buying things or getting ready for our first until I was almost 30 weeks along. I was too nervous!
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I agree on flying. Super easy with little babies. Easier than the car for sure.
With Tru, I didn’t really start preparing until close to 28 weeks and that was only because I had too since my mom was throwing me a baby shower. I was still so uncertain that I would have a living baby, I didn’t even buy essentials like nail clippers for him until we were driving home from the hospital with a brand new baby.
We were required to have an appointment scheduled with a pediatrician before leaving the hospital I believe. I’m sure different hospitals have different rules.
I hope you feel more settled as viability approaches. It’s scary, I know.
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In the Jewish religion tradition is that you don’t buy before the baby is born. Most stuff is given at the bris (boy) or baby naming (girl) so don’t worry about not having all the stuff.
Hugs.
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I promise that you don’t have to have a lot prepared before they come. It is nice if you can do a few things, but it will all fall into place. It doesn’t need to be there from day one.
That said, as it gets closer, join your local Parents of Multiples club. If you Google your metro area and that phrase, it will bring up the club. Ours was a lifesaver when the babies were little. People gave advice, answered questions, and even dropped by the house to show me stuff like how to do a double feed. Plus many times people are getting rid of something and pass it along to another twin parent.
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Yes! Definitely join a local multiples group! Mine has been amazingly helpful too.
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Congrats on 400 posts!
I think it’s good that you’re doing a little at a time. Maybe make a list and think of manageable things to accomplish before the C-section date? I think it’s perfectly reasonable to wait until after the 20 week scan to do too much preparation, and only you know what balance between cautiousness and prep you need. The maternity leave is tricky, but I bet you’ll figure it out. Do you need to find your own replacement? That’s a bit stressful. It is nice to find the silver linings in the fact that you can prepare for these babies without the physical toll, a positive in your situation. You will be more well-rested (in theory if the stress of things doesn’t get you) and ready to welcome those babies to so much love! I’m so excited that you’re at the halfway point. That’s huge!
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I totally get it. I didn’t buy anything until her 20th week, and even then I pretty much was still convinced something awful was going to happen and kept the receipt handy basically until I brought her home from the hospital, lol. We announced at something like her 19th week, and only to close family and friends that knew about our fertility journey. So excited for you and Bob!
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(Beware: unsolicited advise ahead)
Ok lady, deep breath. I totally understand not buying anything yet. In fast, 20 week is not my starting point, it’s 24 (viability). Then we will pull out all the baby stuff, get a space ready for baby, and buy a van. But not before viability, I just can’t. But my advice is DO start doing tasks like cleaning out the room, and other household projects!
Second, FLY!!!!!!! Babies are easy on planes. Bring lots of sanitizing wipes. It will be sooooooo much better than a multi day road trip. Get two baby carriers. Buy three seats.
Yes to a baby care and or CPR/first aid class. Maybe around 24 weeks?
Girl, it’s time to put “find a ped” at the very top of the list! They may have a screening or application process for insurance, vaccinations, etc!
Yup, please register and let someone throw you a party! I would be happy to email you some of my twin must haves! It’s less overwhelming than you might think.
Again, my opinion: yes to maternity pictures. Maybe to birth photography (there are already going to be soooooo many people in the room because of twins and the surrogacy situation). So if all goes well, maybe just ask a nurse to snap a few. YES YES YES to new born pictures at home!!!!!!! Find a photog that will come to your house with some props if possible!!
Work wise…is it really your responsibility to find your own coverage? If so, I would t stress yourself out re native language. I assume you are going to take 12 weeks? It will be OK if your fill in can’t see everyone. Your number one duty is to these little ones and the time will fly by.
So many details and minutia but you and bob are going to be AMAZING parents!!! I am so excited for you!!
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Email me! Ask me anything twin related and I’ll do my best to help. I know it’s useless to tell you not to stress so much but please try. 🙂 I have friends who adopted and had next to nothing when they got that wonderful call. They bought a car seat and some clothes on the way to the hospital, and their son slept in a suitcase his first few nights. The only things you really need at first are a place for them to sleep, some clothes to wear, and bottles and formula for feeding. That’s it! Everything else can be bought as you need it and questions can be asked as they come up.
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It’s so wonderful to see you have reached this milestone. I keep you and Bob and the twins on my mind and am so thankful you are at this point of your journey. What a wonderful crazy blessing to have all these things to do for those two miracles that you will soon be holding in your arms ❤
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It’s totally okay that you haven’t bought anything yet. We didn’t find out about A until the day after she was born. We did have some stuff because I’m a daycare provider and we’d fostered a baby previously. A daycare parent brought us a car seat and lots of people dropped off diapers/wipes/clothes etc. for us. The hospital will give you formula and diapers/wipes more than likely when you head out. Ours gave us all the swaddles they used on her in the NICU and a ton of long sleeved onesies that have the fold over at the end of the arms to keep them from scratching. As everyone else mentioned, I would go with flying and definitely use carriers. I, like MPB, would panic about having A in the car seat and not being able to see her while driving, even for short trips. She was a preemie and super tiny in that car seat even if she did pass the 5 hr test she had to do in it to get to come home. If there’s anything on your list you can delegate, totally do it. I can’t wait to “meet” your little ones!
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I get the waiting to do things, I was the same way. Just start cleaning out whatever stuff you have laying around so when you get the nesting urge you can get started.
I suggest buying less stuff. Likely you won’t use much of it at first and will probably have to go buy other things you didn’t think you would need. Gift cards are the best for this.
As for your pediatrician, if you’re with Kaiser I can highly recommend mine depending where you live. I also know several in the South Bay through work I’d be happy to suggest as well. Email me if you’re interested!!
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Whatever your timeline for nesting and prep, I’m just so excited that you’ve reached this milestone. You’re going to be a great mom!
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