Girl Cousin who lives on the east coast is in town for a wedding. She sent out a last minute email to all the cousins to see if anyone can join her for dinner this Sunday.
My first reaction: I wanted to hide.
Not that I don’t want to see my Girl Cousin. If we were to get together, I am sure we’d have a lot to talk about. She’s an acupuncturist and has some friends who also have fertility issues. The last time I saw her was at my Boy Cousin’s wedding last October.
Well… Boy Cousin is the problem. It has not been a year since his wedding and his son was already born. Eleven months after he and his wife got married.
I don’t know if I am ready to see him, her, or the newborn.
I sometimes feel bitter when I think about them. And I don’t want to force a smile or force my interest on the baby.
My brother already responded and said he and his family can’t make it.
Bob would rather watch football on Sunday.
I was thinking, maybe Boy Cousin wouldn’t come because the baby is barely a month old.
He just wrote me a FB message asking if I could make it. I closed FB once I saw the message.
I know this is totally a first world problem. I still haven’t decided but I am leaning towards not going.
Sorry Girl Cousin…. I would love to see you. But a baby is in the way.
Would you go?
In Quest of a Binky Moongee 
Nope. I wouldn’t go. Take care of yourself right now. You are in tune with your emotions and this visit could be difficult so I would just let it be. I feel ya lady. I was recently in a similar situation and didn’t go and felt good about that.
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I have suddenly become very selfish and I am focussing on what I can manage and what is good for me. Possibly because we are heading into ivf again and after our last disaster I feel I need to have as much in the way of energy resources as possible. I can’t do this if I put myself into stressful or painful situations. I would be honest with your cousin and see if she can’t meet up for a cup of tea instead?
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You shouldn’t go if you dont feel like it. Your emotions and feelings are important.
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Ugh. If I felt fragile personally and strongly about avoiding baby I would not go. And I would not feel guilty. If I were close to girl cousin I might call her or message her to provide some reason. If not I would make up a credible excuse if I felt it was necessary (yes, I’d lie) but otherwise just say I’m not available.
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I agree with the other ladies, don’t put yourself through it if you can’t face it. This journey is hard enough and you need to look after yourself and be in control of things where you can xxx
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I wouldn’t go. First of all, because it’s short notice and I often tense up when people “pounce” on me. Second, the baby, for obvious reasons. Nothing wrong with declining under these circumstances. Enjoy you’re free time on Sunday! XOXO
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Go with your gut 🙂
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I wouldn’t go either. No guilt in making that decision. It’s the best one for you.
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I would feel torn, as you sound. Maybe you can see her another time this weekend without other family?
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You know, I just had a scenario where I asked myself something very similar. My answer would be that you can’t give support and good company when you are running on empty emotional reserves. So, there will always be another time (just like, as I remind myself, their already – born kids will always be there). The question should be, what fun thing should you read or bake while not meeting said cousins?
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Honestly, no, I wouldn’t go. Not sure if that is the correct, or healthy response, but in my mind, you have to take care of you first. I’ve missed many events because of babies, and looking back, I don’t regret missing a single one of those!
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A fellow blogger described it as going to the dentist -prepare for pain. If you think the time spent with your cousins is worth the pain, then go, if not, join Bob and watch football! (which BTW would be my husband’s reason for not going)
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It truly depends on how you feel about it. I personally don’t have issues with hanging out with babies, so I would go. But if you would be upset the whole time, then definitely don’t go. You need to put yourself first.
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No. No time for feeling shitty. You don’t need to feel badly about it. I missed some family occasions when I was feeling low and I try not to feel guilty about it now. Self preservation is the name of the game.
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I agree, just politely decline and say you have other plans. You need to take care of yourself right now.
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Go with your gut and if you feel like it would make you feel worse, then stay home. I would personally go because I don’t mind being around babies and a part of me is competitive…as in competitive towards the devil. I would want to go just as a “spiritual” throat punch to him. LOL
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Not if it was going to cause me this much stress, I wouldn’t. You’re going through a lot right now and you deserve to not have to put on a happy face for someone.
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I probably wouldn’t go. If I was having a hard time even deciding what to do, I probably am not in a place to be around that situation. I would protect myself and that would mean avoiding the whole thing.
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Hmm this is tough. I just say go if you really want to go and not because you feel obligated to go. If you do it out of obligation, you might end up having a miserable time. If there is a part of you that thinks it will be enjoyable – it could be fun.
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In her book on IF Melissa offers this piece of advice: “Do whatever you want….unless it will cause bigger problems later.” If you don’t want to get together with the cousins, then don’t, unless you think it will cause bigger problems later. By the way, I don’t think this is really a first world problem. People in developing countries and throughout history have all struggled with infertility and the emotions. Very common human experience I would say. Hugs.
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