MicroblogMondays: Maui In Photos


We finally did our “real” honeymoon, five years late.  So glad that we chose Maui.  It was indeed a beautiful place for honeymooners and apparently babymooners as well.

Like I said in my last post, there were plenty of pregnant ladies on the plane.  These ladies with bumps were also spotted on beaches, restaurants, and hikes.  A favorite game between Bob and me was spotting a lady in bikinis on the beach and asking, “Is she pregnant?”  Out of all the ladies that we spotted, I’d say 9 out of 10 times those ladies were pregnant.

I have been sick for the last week and a half.  I am still sick right now.  Majority of the time on Maui I was coughing and having a stuffy nose.  I think that was why I was so tired the first two days we were there. Our original plan was to go watch the sunrise at the summit of Haleakala National Park in the first two days of our trip since we would still be on California time.  But due to my crazy fatigue, we didn’t make it on day one or day two.  Instead, we just hung out on the beach and chilled.  The condo that we rented had everything that was needed for a beach day.  You’d often find us in our swimsuits and coverups hauling two beach chairs, a beach umbrella, a bag with towels and sunscreen lotion, a novel, and a bodyboard.  We only had to walk across the street from our condo complex to a very nice and calm beach.  It was so serene to just sit on the white sand and watch the ocean.  The sun was hot and the umbrella helped to keep us cool.  However, at times, the wind was also blowing strong.  Don’t let this picture fool you.  The umbrella flew away a few times.  Imagine me or Bob running after it in the hot sand.


That IS Bob in the water facing the ocean on the right side of the picture.

I went into the water quite a few times.  It was quite fun the first couple of times when the water was calm.  The final day we went to the beach it was significantly windier.  The water was so choppy that floating on the bodyboard was a little bit scary.  Quite a few times I thought I was floating too far away from the shore and panicked a little bit.  For someone who is not a good swimmer, it was quite a scary thing.  The waves flipped me over quite a few times.  All in all, I am very thankful that we rented a place so close to the beach so we could go as often as we would like with the convenience of going back to the condo and washing up without getting into our rental car.

I have always loved Hawaiian food, so I am very happy with the food choices there.  Many good restaurants were within walking distances to our condo in Kihei.  I particularly loved the macaroni salad that came with all my Hawaiian plate lunches.  To save money, we also ate in a few times.  We picked up fish from Costco: ono, opah, blue marlin.  Fish that we usually don’t find here in California.  We ate very well there, but I also loved that we had a balance and didn’t overspend on dining out.


My own cooking: ono with asparagus


loco moco, kalua pork, and fried spam musubi


loco moco, again


macadamia nut pancakes


seared ahi tuna and coconut shrimp


two kinds of poke and pineapple cole slaw


mahi mahi and ono fish and chips


french toast with mac nuts


kalua pork moco


korean chicken and short ribs

And then there was dinner at a fancier restaurant our last day.  The chef apparently made one too many crab dips so we got that dish on the house at the end of our dinner.  Who doesn’t love some free food?


buffalo shrimp


short rib pot pie


mahi mahi with lemon caper sauce


crab dip on the house

Okay enough food talk.  Here comes my favorite part of the trip, which involved getting up at 2:15 in the morning.  Yup.  You read it right.  TWO FIFTEEN A.M.  I guess if you want to watch the sunrise on the summit of Haleakala, you have to leave Kihei at no later than 3am so that you can get a parking spot on the summit. Otherwise, you’d have to park somewhere lower and that’d have defeated the purpose of getting up so early.  Sunrise was at 5:48 that morning.  The night before we were going back and forth about whether or not we should do it.  Out of the fear of missing out, we said screw it and let’s get up early in the morning.  I went to bed at 8:45 the night before since I was still feeling sick anyways.  Bob probably didn’t go to bed until closer to 9:45.  Waking up wasn’t as torturous as we had imagined.  Bob even measured out the coffee grounds and the water for fresh coffee the night before.  It took about one hour 45 minutes to drive up that winding road to the summit.  Being from California, I am very used to winding roads.  The road wasn’t as horrible as some people on message boards described it to be.  It was like a zoo by the time we got to the summit parking lot at 4:45am.  It was pitch dark.  Park rangers with flashlights directed us to a parking spot.  We were dressed in our light down jackets and jeans, but it was still cold.  The temperature was probably about 45 degrees.  Comparable to a colder night in San Francisco.  As warned by my friends, I brought blankets and towels from the condo.  They proved to be very useful.  Instead of standing inside the glass hut on the summit, we opted for standing out in the open and braving the wind and the cold for a better view.  Bob wrapped a towel over his head and a blanket around his body.  He looked like he just got off a camel in the desert.  My phone’s compass pointed us to the east, and we occupied a spot facing that direction with plenty of crazy people who stood around like us.  We looked up and could see so many stars in the sky.  It was a great idea to come so early because the changes in the lights in the sky were phenomenal:

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Standing there at 10,000 ft above sea level, you can totally see and hopefully appreciate the grandeur of God’s creation.

That same day, we got a massage in our condo.  I felt that I slept funny the day I was staying at home being sick.  My back had been hurting and the massage was heavenly.

After much debate, we decided to also do Road to Hana.  I got mixed reviews from various people who had done it. Some said you don’t want to miss it.  Others said that it was really nothing much to see.  We don’t know when we’d come back to Maui again, so we decided to do it.  After reading many times on message boards about it, I paid $5 and downloaded this app.  It approved to be the best $5 that I had ever spent.  This app uses the GPS on your phone to guide you where to go.  It tells you what sights were must-sees, what sights to skip, where to park, where to eat.  On the way back, it also tells you stories about the history of Hawaii.  I highly recommend it.  You can download it at the app store.  It’s called “Road to Hana GyPSy Driver Tour”.  It will be the best $5 you will ever spend.  With this app, I didn’t have to look at a map or flip a book.  Since the road was winding as well, I would have felt sick and thrown up looking at a map or a book.

I am very glad we went.  It was beautiful out there.  There is really nothing much to see in Hana.  The journey itself is the highlight.


black sand beach

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This was about the best vacation one could have.  Eight days was the perfect length.  We got to spend quality time with each other.  Bob didn’t have his phone with him the whole time so we could have a conversation.  We had beach time, lazy time, crazy time to see the sunrise, driving on the road to Hana to see the lush side of Maui, massage time, reading time, and even a lot of Gilmore Girls time.  Yes we watched plenty of Gilmore Girls on Ne.tflix.  We talked a little about our next steps for our fertility treatment but majority of the time we just relaxed and went with the flow.  It was perfect.

On the beach and on the flight back, we were surrounded by babies and little children.  These babies were all so cute in their little swimsuits.  Bob repeatedly asked if I could imagine my own little baby in a swimsuit playing with sand.  It didn’t quite make me sad, but it is a reminder of what we have been longing for.  My dream is that next time we go to Maui we’ll be with our baby as well.  I am really hoping that this dream will one day come true.


MicroblogMondays: Anniversary on Maui


Despite me being sick, we are having a blast on Maui.

Believe it or not, I have been sick since last Tuesday night.  I had to leave work early on Wednesday.  I lay in bed all day with a severe sore throat and feverish body on Thursday.  I was still not feeling well enough to see kids on Friday, but had to return to work to finish things up before our vacation.

Even with a hugely stuffed up nose, none of this matters.  Because, I am here on vacation for our 5th anniversary.  We arrived here without a hitch.  Rented a car, bought groceries at Costco (as recommended by numerous people including a popular guidebook), and drove to our condo.  The view from the balcony is to die for:


The photo doesn’t do it justice.  All day long, the lighting and color of the ocean change.  This is a picture in the morning.  We sat in the balcony and ate our breakfast looking at the ocean.  Before I woke up, I could hear all the birds chirping and the sound of the waves.  This is so drastically different from our life in California.

We could have chosen a restaurant with a great view but so-so food for our anniversary dinner.  We eventually chose good food over a view. We were not disappointed.





The spicy tuna tacos, the steak appetizer, and our fish of the day entrees were all so tasty that the dinner was very memorable.

The night ended with a wonderful shave ice:


The next day, we sat on the beach in the morning.  The breeze, the warm sand, and the cool ocean water made it a perfect morning:


When we were saving up money for this trip, we had always called it our “babymoon”.  I saw plenty of pregnant ladies on the plane on our way here.  I know that we are nowhere close to that, but we are not sad about not having a baby growing inside of me yet.  We are keeping our faith that one day we’ll be able to celebrate the growing of our baby in a way as memorable as our trip to Maui.

As for now, I’ll savor every bite of raw fish I can enjoy here on Maui for the next six days.

MicroblogMondays: Maui Is Around The Corner


Our much anticipated 5th wedding anniversary trip to Maui is just around the corner.  Five days from now to be exact.  Back in January when we planned the trip, we were wondering where we would be in our quest of our binky moongee during our Maui trip.  Would we be in our second trimester?  If our February transfer had failed, would we have found a new donor already?  Would we be in the middle of our new cycle?  Despite the unknowns, we decided to forge ahead with our plans for our 5th wedding anniversary trip because living life is as important as waiting for a baby.  I would not have imagined ourselves to be in this uncharted territory: deciding if carrying a baby would be a dangerous choice for my body and my baby.  My therapist was right: it seems like this is a season of uncertainty and we’d better get used to this space.  Bob and I have discussed about the various case scenarios.  We are trying to figure out the right direction for us.  It is no easy task.  How does one go about doing that?  Therefore, we are not forcing ourselves to make a quick decision.  Maybe those eight days in Maui will give us some down time to continue to let the news sink in.  Maybe one path will emerge as the right path for us.  I am grateful that we made a decision to love ourselves and plan a trip.  A very good friend of mine who has been banking embryos finally prioritized an overseas trip over a banking cycle.  She has missed many opportunities for travels in the last year because of her fear of missing a cycle.  I am so proud of her that she has chosen to live life this time.  In this cruel journey, we have to make a choice to be kind to ourselves.  Although this is not the babymoon that we had hoped for, I am still looking forward to sleeping with the sounds of the ocean, sunrise at Haleakala, savoring every bite of fresh fish, enjoying all the fresh fruit Maui has to offer, bathing in the sun on the beach, sporting my brand new swimsuit, and spending some quality time with my dear husband.  Hopefully during the time of our trip God will give us the clarity and maybe a new perspective that we need to move forward in our journey.

MicroblogMondays: Transfer Is Approaching


The next transfer is slowly creeping up on us.

I have been on Lu.pron and estrogen patches for a few weeks now.  The one and only lining check is going to be today at 11:30am.

How have I been feeling?  Mostly at peace.  I pray for peace and strength, and total trust in the Lord daily.  I did have one moment of panic about one week ago but it went away quickly.  I found myself in a different state this time.  Lighter, perhaps?  The old me would have been very on top of things.  However, this time, I have been quite forgetful.  I often get startled by the Goog.le calendar reminder for the Lu.rpon shot at 9:15pm. At times, I truly forget that an injection has been scheduled daily.  Maybe I feel that there are better things to do than to get overly stressed about the injection?  As long as the phone reminder does its job, I have nothing to worry about.  I was supposed to leave a voicemail with my clinic after I started my estrogen patch.  I did start the patch, but totally forgot about calling the clinic until my nurse hunted me down with a phone call.  This is very unlike me, but it tells you how much I am not thinking about the transfer.  After taking a break since our failed cycle, I finally contacted my acupuncturist for a few sessions leading up to the transfer.  When she saw me last week, I shared my feelings with her about this cycle.  She observed my face and my body language and said I did look lighter.  It’s so interesting to know that she could actually see it on my face.

Another interesting thing is, today’s lining check does not stress me out.  The last time I was stressed out because I had a date set and I really wanted to do it right before Thanksgiving.  With my mind set on a date, the appropriate thickness of the lining was very important on my lining check date.  This time we don’t even have a set transfer date.  Transfer will be any day between February 1 and February 5.  So the thickness of the lining today is not as important.  I feel that I am just going with the flow.  Whatever the nurses and doctors say, I’ll follow.

Don’t get me wrong. Even with this newfound “lightness”, I am still hopeful.  I am still thinking and planning ahead for a pregnancy.  I do think about a couple of months down the line what I will be doing with my new pregnancy.  Recently, Bob and I started talking about planning a trip for our 5th year wedding anniversary.  We were originally going to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon.  Because I just didn’t have enough energy to plan another thing right before our wedding, we abandoned that plan and went somewhere locally (and still had a blast).  We always talk about going to Hawaii but still haven’t gone.  We have already saved up the money for it.  We have even labeled our savings account for that trip “Babymoon”.  So we are going to go.  I haven’t booked anything yet pending Bob’s vacation approval from his work. But during all the research and planning, it did cross my mind that anything could happen at that point.  We could be 14 weeks pregnant.  We could have failed the cycle and be still looking for a donor.  Or we could have found a donor and our planned trip would be right in the middle of our cycle.  But you know what?  I can’t let all the what-ifs stop us from living life.  And I choose to believe that by the time our trip rolls around, I will be bringing our baby along.  It will be a trip for our family of three.  Isn’t that a wonderful thought?  I will even sacrifice the enjoyment of consuming various kinds of fish that Hawaii has to offer for the sake of my child.

And how’s Bob doing?  He is doing much better.  He was angry at God for a while but he seems to be in a better place.  He can pray again and we pray together.  He is also hopeful about this coming cycle but not as “light” as I am.  He is still skeptical about it and sometimes feels that we should save every single penny up for more treatment, such as the money we have already set aside for our babymoon trip.  I just let him go a little crazy for a while before he comes to me and tells me that we should go on our trip.  😉

So yeah, I guess transfer will be here before we know it.  I am really ready for it.  Hopefully I can keep my “lightness” through out these next few weeks.

MicroblogMondays: It’s Good to Get Away Despite the Bugs


After some crazy few days, this vacation feels very well deserved.  It seems like a perfect time to get away after major car trouble and broken hot water heater.  And I am grateful that we did arrange for a get away.  We are at a coast town right next to the Pacific Ocean.  We are always drawn to the ocean.  A majority of our road trips are along the coast.  The water just calms both of us down.  This is our first time coming to this town.  I in fact had never heard of it until some of our best friends came here last year.  When I called the hotel where they had stayed and found that there was still one room left for the days that we wanted, I jumped at the opportunity.  We have not been disappointed.  The room is nice with a king bed, nice decor, and a full kitchen.  The bathroom is on the smaller side but I knew that from reading the reviews and I didn’t mind it.


The room has a view of the ocean far far away. It is still a view nonetheless. It just gives you a sense of peace peeking out the window seeing the water in the midst of sunset.


The best kind of vacation is to be staying somewhere you can walk to shops and restaurants. We just parked the car and go everywhere on foot. To Bob, this is like heaven because he can have a drink without worrying about driving. We had some very yummy food.  Being unpregnant means time for wine and beer.



The experience that stands out the most was not the view or the food or any other attraction. It was being attacked and what felt like being eaten alive by gnats.  At breakfast yesterday, we chose a restaurant with great reviews. A table outdoor was available immediately. Since it was sunny and crisp outside, we didn’t mind the cold weather. We sat down and were ready to enjoy a nice breakfast. The longer we sat, the more uncomfortable we felt. These tiny little fly-like bugs were gathering around us. The more we waved them away, the more they came.  A wait staff person brought a bucket with s candle inside in order to fight off these gnats. They only increased in number. Moving to another table away from the flower pots didn’t help at all. The owner came by, apologized, and told us that only certain people attract gnats. We are apparently those people. We discovered that it was more Bob than me. When Bob walked away to stand in the parking lot, I noticed that the gnats weren’t as interested in me. All I could see was poor Bob taking off his jacket and sweatshirt and shaking them like crazy. His whole body including his head and all over his back was covered up with little gray dots. It was quite disgusting. He returned when the food arrived. More and more gnats were floating in our water glasses. It was just simply too hard to put food in your mouth when you are afraid of eating extra proteins from the bugs.  At that point, we just looked at each other and laughed hysterically.  What else can you do but to laugh? I am just glad that we still have a sense of humor about the situation.  We were at that point waiting for a table inside the restaurant.  If nothing turned up in the next couple of minutes, we were just going to pack up the food and go.  Fortunately, a table opened up.  We finally moved inside and ate in peace.  Even after we left the restaurant, we discovered that Bob was the magnet for these gnats.  As long as we were outdoors, we were attacked.  The owner of a hat store where we escaped into told us that the key is to walk briskly.  We took the advice and walked super fast.  Once we walked away from the water, the gnat situation improved tremendously.  We could walk peacefully in the sun.

We saw quite a few babies and little children on this trip. Despite being disappointed in our recent loss, Bob is as curious and drawn to the little ones as always. He doesn’t shy away from them or avoid them. He looks at them,  smiles, and wonders aloud if he will wear his baby or put him/her in the stroller in the future. I admire his resilience and hopefulness. It’s inspiring and encouraging to look to the future. 

This afternoon we will enjoy a massage for the both of us.  Hopefully this will be another highlight of our trip.  Despite the crazy gnat incident, we are still enjoying a very quiet, peaceful, calm, and relaxing vacation with each other.  Hopefully this will be our last end-of-the-year trip that we will be spending just by ourselves.  Next year, we hope to have to bring a little person along anywhere we go.

My Time Off

Today is the fifth day of my Christmas break.  I am glad that I am not in the office.

Things were interesting in the office the last couple of weeks.  After the most recent loss, some days felt worse off than others.  When that happened, I often stayed in my office and avoided social interactions.  Even one of my male coworkers noticed.  One day he saw me in the kitchen heating up my lunch and asked me how I was doing.  I told him, “I am not doing too well, but it’s okay.”  He had a concerned look on his face, not at all awkward that I gave him an answer that went outside of the usual pleasantries.  I told him that it was just life.  Then I walked back to my office with my hot lunch.

And then there was my supervisor’s baby shower.  The day before the baby shower, my no-longer-pregnant coworker (the one who always talked about her pregnancy) came by my office and asked if I was going to the baby shower.  I told her I wasn’t, just like what I did for her shower.  I told her that I’d give my supervisor a separate gift afterward, but I wasn’t planning on being there.  No-longer-pregnant coworker then said, “I have a favor to ask you.”  She handed me a piece of paper titled “Wishes for Baby”, one of those baby shower games for people to fill out their wishes for the baby.  She said no pressure.  I could fill it out or I could just toss it in the recycling bin.  I was honest with her.  I told her that I most likely wouldn’t fill it out.  I took it and left it on my desk.  I just wonder if no-longer-pregnant coworker really thought about my feelings.  If I wasn’t going to attend the baby shower, would I actually want to participate in a game?  The piece of paper ended in the recycling bin.

The day of the baby shower, my friend Q, who was supposed to be my lunch date, totally forgot that she was supposed to have lunch with me.  So at noon, I walked over to Pane.ra Bread and had lunch by myself.  I did make it back at 1pm just in case we had a department meeting.  Well the shower was still going on.  Being so close to the conference room, I could hear all the laughing inside.  The baby shower continued on until 2pm, a total of two hours.  I had prepared a gift for my supervisor.  I gave it to her right after my last client of the day.  I didn’t want to do it in her office since it’s very close to other people’s offices.  When she came out of the bathroom, I waved her my way.  She was babbling about some work stuff while she entered in my room.  All I wanted to do was to get this part over with.  While she was still talking shop, I handed her my gift.  She was surprised and happy.  I didn’t do much of an explanation like the last time with my other pregnant coworker.  I simply just said, “I don’t go to baby showers but I wanted to give you this.”  It was a gift that she had on her registry.  She gave me a big hug so that was nice.

My last day of work was last Friday.  It was also my supervisor’s last day of work before her maternity leave.  Our work holiday party was that night.  A few weeks prior, before my beta, my Dear Colleague and I joked about me going to the party being the designated driver for Bob because I would be pregnant and would be forbidden to drink.  Well, for somebody who had gone to every single work holiday party in the last 12 years, I just did not feel like going to our work party, socializing, and talking about things that don’t matter to me when deep down my heart just died a little after the last cycle.  But I knew I wanted to say my good-byes to my supervisor.  Right before I left work, I looked for her and found her in the copy room.  I went in and said my good-byes.  She was surprised that I wasn’t going to attend the party.  I told her that I didn’t feel like socializing.  We chatted a little about how she was doing and what she’d do before the baby comes.  We hugged each other and that was it.  Yesterday when I chatted with my Dear Colleague, she told me that my supervisor wondered aloud to a small group of people at the holiday party about me.  She said something like, “I am worried about Isabelle… I wonder how she’s doing.”  My Dear Colleague just pretended that she didn’t hear it.  But I think that maybe my looks and my demeanor recently did show that I wasn’t doing too well in the last few weeks.

Yesterday, Dr. Gentle, the OB/GYN surgeon who did my last hysteroscopy, squeezed me in for a saline sonogram.  Dr No Nonsense had told me to get a hysteroscopy again to check the cavity.  I emailed my own OB/GYN who said that she doesn’t do it in her practice.  She referred me to the surgical team.  I knew that it would take forever before I could get an appointment if I went through the scheduling people.  So I emailed Dr. Gentle directly.  She is really the nicest doctor ever.  She wrote me back saying that she didn’t have availability for a hysteroscopy this week, but she could see me for a saline sonogram, which to her is a better way to look at the whole system right before a transfer.  I got the Okay from Dr. NN’s nurse.  Dr. Gentle wanted to see me this week because it is best to look at the uterus right after menses for the lining is usually thin.  This time I had to wait 30 minutes as Dr. Gentle was running behind.  She came in with another doctor probably in training.  They were funny.  They talked shop while getting me ready.  Apparently my cervix was wide and they couldn’t distend my cavity without clipping my cervix and placing a balloon inside.  It was uncomfortable but nothing intolerable.  Originally they thought that they saw scar tissue that turned out to be the balloon.  Dr. Gentle showed me how the whole cavity and the lining looked nice and smooth.  I got the ultrasound picture as a souvenir.

Staring at the ultrasound photo, I couldn’t help but think that yesterday or the day before would have been our first ultrasound to check the heartbeat.  I would have been 6 weeks 4 days, right when people check their heartbeats in an IVF cycle.  Instead of a little blob inside my uterus with a heartbeat flickering away, my uterus looked sadly empty.  Yes I know it is good news to have a smooth lining.  But it’s still sad to know what could have been.

Emotionally, I had been doing well until yesterday.  All of a sudden, I panicked.  My clinic’s fees will go up in 2016.  I wanted to pay for the frozen embryo transfer before the end of the year for tax return purposes.  The fee schedule I received from my billing person shocked me.  It went up at least $600.  I checked with her.  She said that all the fees are going up beginning January 1st.  I don’t know.  I just panicked.  It’s not very rational.  But, I started searching for a new donor to prepare for the possibility that our FET doesn’t work.  There aren’t too many choices out there.  My mind went really far: the FET not working, another fresh DE transfer not working, we are out of money to try, we will be childless.  Then I came across California Con.ceptions, a clinic that specializes in offering embryos that are made with donor eggs and donor sperms.  The cost is a fraction of what it is with a DE cycle, and the success rate is super high because of double donors.  But is this really what we want to do if all else fails?  I literally sat there for three hours googl.ing, thinking about things, and panicking all by myself.  It was just not healthy, but I couldn’t help myself.

When Bob got home, I was trying to see how I could break the news to him that the fees are going up at our clinic.  I somehow brought that up along with California Con.ceptions.  The talk about double donors made him really upset.  I don’t have to go into details but the sheer panic of not knowing if we would ever have a child we could call our own is really tough on a marriage.  We didn’t have a good evening.  But you know, I think it is necessary to talk about these things, our fears, our concerns, our frustrations.  I am glad we had a chance to do that.

This morning, Bob’s car died when he exited the freeway to get to work.  He just couldn’t accelerate but he was able to pull over the shoulder off the exit.  He said that he lost all power including the steering wheel and the brakes.  My heart about jumped when I got his call because it is never good news when he calls me on his way to work.  He had it towed to our mechanic’s shop.  I am just glad that it happened in the morning and he was safely away from the freeway.  We have been talking about buying a new car but because of the cost of all of our cycles, we have been pushing off purchasing a new car.  Both of our cars are old, so driving the car on our road trip could be a bit dicey.  *sigh*  When we worry about money, there are always more expenses.  However, I am just so thankful that the Lord protected him from any danger on the freeway.  The more I think about it, the more thankful I am.  Also thankfully, Bob is in good spirit.  He is not too down about the car.  He is now working from home and it is good to have him around.

This is my vacation so far.  I will be meeting with one of my best friends for lunch tomorrow, Christmas eve.  Christmas day I will be making steak for dinner.  We leave for our little get away on Saturday.  It’s nice to be able to wake up in the morning not worrying about going to work.  It’s also nice to be able to clean up whenever I want to, do nothing if I want, and basically do whatever I feel like.  I really love this kind of vacation.  I hope that the rest of my time off will be as peaceful and uneventful as possible.

MicroblogMondays: A Few Pregnancy Related Things


Without ever talking to my pregnant supervisor about her pregnancy, I get to know a lot about it.

How so?  My office is situated right next to the elevator.  I keep the door open when I am working.  My supervisor’s voice carries.  Whenever she exits the elevator or waits for the elevator with her patients, she is often talking about her pregnancy. I don’t think it’s intentional.  It’s just that many of her patients get to see her once every few months.  I am sure they are quite surprised to see her baby bump.  The time it takes to travel from the first floor to my floor is perfect for them to ask a question and for her to answer the question about her pregnancy.  And when their visit finishes, the walk from my supervisor’s office to the elevator is also a perfect time for them to ask questions such as when she is due and other things.  Just being in my office, I have learned that:

  • Yes she wanted to find out about the sex of the baby given her type A personality but her husband convinced her to wait, so now they do not know if it’s a boy or a girl
  • Her due date is the very last day of December
  • She will try to work until the end of the year
  • She’s been buying baby stuff in neutral colors, and good thing, according to her, that gray is in this season, but she has also purchased some yellow and green
  • She finds it amusing that there has been one pregnant woman after another in this office as she talks a bit it quite a few times with her patients

You know me.  If I can’t stand it, I will go shut the office door.  I cover my ears and go la la la.  Lately I have been good.  I don’t have to do these things to protect myself since protection has not been needed.  Lucky you.   You all get to read about the details of her pregnancy here.  🙂


Last year, I shared about these ladies that I was able to help because I shared about my journey openly with them.  The one who was in my bible study group last year continued to share with me about her struggles and journey.  She is a very private person and only shares her infertility problems with me and her mom.  With my encouragement and her RE’s assurance that she was a great candidate for IVF, she mustered enough courage to look into it and actually followed through with it despite being extremely scared of the process.  I emailed her to ask her for an update.  The day we got the news that our donor disappeared was the day she wrote me back with her pregnancy news.  Honestly I was happy for her.  I knew that she’d get pregnant because it seemed that her problem was mainly male factor infertility.  However, due to how heartbroken and disappointed I was on that day, I could not bring myself to writing her back and congratulating her.  It took another two weeks to respond to her.  She then let me know that she had a scary experience in the emergency room for five hours fearing it was an ectopic pregnancy.  Praise the Lord that it wasn’t.  But that was scary enough.  I am so relieved for her and am grateful that I can be joyful for her.  I just hope that her pregnancy continues to go well.


A very dear friend of mine has had quite a rocky road on her quest to become a mom.  She never got pregnant naturally.  Her IVF cycles resulted in an early miscarriage, BFNs, and subsequently the loss of twins at two different times, one early on and the other one at 16-week gestation.  I wrote about her in this post.   At that time, I finished my post with these sentiments:

“As for my other friend and myself, I am also hopeful that we will eventually have our take home babies.  She mentioned that we would have our playdates in heaven for our babies who went up there first.  I said, let’s have our playdates on this earth with our take home babies first.  I truly believe that this will happen in the future.  We just don’t know when.  But I truly believe that our babies will play together on this earth.”

Guess what?  Half of my wish has come true!  My very dear friend finally gave birth to a baby boy and a baby girl last Friday.  My heart is bursting with joy, love, and relief for my dear friend that her twins have finally arrived.  I am very confident that the playdates will happen.


The last thing is not really pregnancy related, but I can twist it in a way to make it so.  🙂

One of my best friends, my maid of honor in fact, asked if I would be interested in a girlfriend weekend getaway mid-January.  Just two nights somewhere in Southern California.  We could go to the spa, hike, go to the pool, eat, and just relax.  The old me would be like, Well, I don’t know what I will be doing then because I won’t know if I will be doing a cycle.  But the new me jumps at any opportunity to go have fun and live life.  The best thing of all is that my husband is 100% supportive despite him having to shell out money for me to go play.  What’s better than having someone else plan the trip for you and you just have to show up?  So I said YES to her.  She immediately purchased the plane tickets and will go on to plan the rest of the trip with the choice of hotel and everything else.  I really just have to pack my bag and show up at the airport.  🙂

How is this pregnancy related?  Well, if things go accordingly to plan (which I hope they will), I will do a transfer in November.  In January I could be at least a few weeks pregnant.  My hope is that I will go on the trip and proudly refuse to drink because of the little life that will be growing inside of me.

How about that for something to look forward to?