MicroblogMondays: Approaching Our First Ultrasound


We are currently in Annie’s town waiting for our first prenatal ultrasound.  As you know, we opted out of doing a third beta.  Waiting for another beta was simply something that I didn’t want to do.  So we took a leap of faith, purchased plane tickets, and hope to be able to see some flickering heartbeats on the screen for the first time.

How have I been feeling?  I feel hopeful that we will finally see a heartbeat (or two heartbeats) for the first time in our journey to make a baby.  Annie has been feeling mostly okay. She hasn’t felt nauseated but was feeling yucky last week.  She said that food didn’t sound good at all, and she could not cook raw meat.  Having food aversion is similar with her last two pregnancies.  The difference is that her symptoms only lasted a few days the last pregnancy but it has been persistent during this pregnancy.  Although I felt sorry for her feeling yucky, I was happy that she was feeling pregnancy symptoms.  It is reassuring to know that maybe things are on track and her body has been changing rapidly.  She continues to feel very tired, which is also a good symptom to have.

Despite having a lot of hope, sometimes I still feel anxious as I have the fear that we might not see anything on the ultrasound.  My daily prayer is for Annie’s health and safety, the baby/babies’ healthy growth, safety and protection for Annie’s family, and also for Bob’s and my complete trust in the Lord for what He has planned for us.  I believe that God has been protecting me from having negative thoughts.  Although I still at times have this fear and image in my head of not seeing a heartbeat, I more often have joy in my heart that we may well be on our way to becoming parents.  Not being the one carrying my own baby/babies only occupies a fraction of my mind.  The rest of my mind is very much appreciative of Annie’s selfless choice of helping us build our family.

I am letting myself to have a little more faith that the pregnancy is progressing as it should be.  These are the things I’ve done:

  • lying in bed discussing baby names with Bob at bed time
  • searching online, reading, and watching videos about pregnancy at 6 weeks and beyond
  • telling my dad about the good news
  • upping my 401K contribution per paycheck so it will reach the annual limit by end of July in preparation of maternity leave sometime in August or September
  • sharing our news with my HR person at work so that I could get educated on maternity leave by our HR person
  • marking on my work calendar 12 weeks and 20 weeks so I know when we may have to fly out
  • finding myself thinking about the second bedroom in the house, how we will move the bookcases out of the room, and finally doing window treatment in the whole house after our remodel four years ago
  • thinking about the possibility of doing a maternity photo shoot with Annie and how to go about doing one
  • thinking about the need to purchase a new car to go pick up the baby/babies later this year
  • thinking about the reality of actually having a baby shower

As you can see, I’m making progress in believing that this may well be happening.

Our trip to Annie’s town was as smooth as one could hope. The flight departed on time and arrived early. The whole place was covered in snow.

But it wasn’t that cold. Kenneth came to pick us up as Annie wasn’t feeling too well. It was so wonderful seeing them again. And it is so amazing that we are staying with Annie and her husband so we could save on hotel. Annie’s two younger kids were waiting out front for us in the snow. We went to pick up eggs from the chicken coop in their backyard.

Annie and Kenneth are truly lovely people.  They made Bob a turkey/Thanksgiving dinner because Bob usually gets a prime rib Thanksgiving meal with my family and would miss having turkey. Annie couldn’t contain her excitement last week when she said she had a surprise for us. Bob was so touched and had a wonderful time having his turkey dinner for the first time  in the past year.

The highlight of the night was the homemade piñata that Annie made for us. After the boys busted it open in the garage, we found what Annie had hid inside. She knit two pairs of booties and a headband for our babies. 

We have the most thoughtful gestational carrier. I feel so blessed. 

So friends, this is it. We will find out the state of our pregnancy later this afternoon. I hope to have good news to share.

MicroblogMondays: An End and a Beginning


Our trip up north was much needed for a change of pace and  to get away from the mundaneness of our typical life.  During those five days, we enjoyed hiking, massages, driving along the coast, wine tasting, and eating.  We also did a whole lot of nothing.  Although we were only 90 minutes away from home, it was a whole other world out there.  The breathtaking sceneries, the yummy wines, the slowness of life, the hospitality of the innkeepers, and the scrumptious homemade breakfasts made those few days nothing short of magical.

Four breakfast dishes are shown here for four mornings, with wonderful company of other B&B guests including this hilarious Filipino older lady who told story after story of her adventures coming from her country to the United States.

I had been craving oysters so my wonderful husband drove me to a place known for their seafood and we had a delicious lunch with a dozen oysters, crab sandwich, and clam chowder.

One of the highlights was a hike in the redwood forest a mere 10 minutes away from our bed and breakfast.  The increased heart rate while climbing uphill, the fresh air, and the tall redwood trees are a reminder of how much we should enjoy and appreciate nature and exercise in our lives.

Needless to say, the ocean is always breathtaking and a great reminder of God’s handiwork.

 I didn’t quite want to think about the upcoming cycle during this trip, as I just wanted to get away from it all.  However, we could not escape the reality of it as we are still pretty much in the middle of our cycle.  We still haven’t heard from Dr. E or the company that was supposed to share the epigenetic sper.m test results with us.  Bob actually doesn’t want to find out about the results since they would not change our desires to transfer two embryos.  So daily it crossed my mind to email Dr. E about it but I still haven’t.  Annie has been taking estrogen to prepare for her lining.  One evening during our trip, she sent me a frantic email about running out of the insulin syringes for the Lup.ron that she’s been injecting.  I guess the 14 syringes that came with the Lup.ron kit and the extra 10 syringes provided by the pharmacy were only enough for 24 days, and she needed to be on it for a total of 28 days.  I forwarded her email to Dr. E asking for help, but I didn’t sleep too well that night wanting to resolve the issue the next day.  I am glad to report that it got resolved quite easily but it was nevertheless an interruption of my otherwise tranquil mind that was relatively free of the thoughts of reality.

Since we returned on New Year’s eve, our trip marked a perfect end of 2016, a year that was full of ups and downs like the previous four years since we started trying for a baby.  I am glad we had a moment to take a breather and just be by ourselves without the hustle and bustle of life.

Just like Christmastime, I opted for doing nothing special for New Year’s eve.  We had a very early, no frill dinner, and had a glass or two of the yummy champagne that we bought on our trip.

We went to bed like usual and didn’t even wait for midnight to ring in the new year.  It was just another evening and another day.

Tomorrow is the day Annie will have her lining check to confirm the transfer.  If all goes well, in a week, she will be lying on the same table and I will be staring at the same screen in the transfer room just like the end of October.  Bob told me yesterday that despite all the setbacks, his desires for a child are as strong as ever.  I feel the same way too, and I feel blessed that we are on the same page.  May our resolve to bring home a baby align with God’s perfect plan for us in this upcoming cycle.  May this be the beginning of something super magical.

MicroblogMondays: Without My Husband


This will be the longest Bob and I are apart from each other since we got married.  I wish he were here with me in Hong Kong.  The trip is not the same without him.

Why didn’t he come, you may ask?  This is kind of a last minute trip as an effort for me to spend some time with my aging grandmother and celebrate her 98th birthday before we embark on our journey of maybe/really/hopefully/finally making a baby.  I anticipate our life to be a little bit busy flying to Annie’s state periodically for appointments when we get pregnant.  Then I won’t have the freedom to just hop on a plane for a trip out of the country as easily as right now, when we are just waiting for Annie’s lining to be built and for the transfer to take place.  If Bob came with me, we would have had to also go to India to see his parents, and two weeks would not have been enough time to visit both places.  Since I just saw my in-laws for an extended period of time in the summer, my presence in India is not required.  However, if Bob had come, then his mom wouldn’t have let him just go to Hong Kong and not fly home to India.  Because of all these reasons, we decided that it was best for me to just do the trip alone.

The 14-hour-flight was actually pleasant.  I slept for 7.5 hours on the plane.  The two movies that I watched were both a trigger for me.  Finding Dory made me think about my unconventional way of creating my family, and Up always makes me cry.  I have watched that movie quite a few times so I started crying even before the flashback scenes got to where Ellie was told she couldn’t have a baby.  I didn’t care about what the guy next to me would think of me and cried an ugly cry.

Once I got off the plane and freshened up at home, my dad and I went to see my grandmother.  She has aged quite a lot.  Compared to how she looked and sounded 2.5 years ago, she is now a lot slower with her movements and her response time.  She has become more suspicious about people and things and her memory has deteriorated.  She doesn’t go out anymore unless my dad gives her a ride.  She walks very slowly and insists on using her umbrella as her support rather than a wheelchair or a walker.  My dad only drops her off at places where she does not need to walk up and down the stairs or even an escalator.  When I speak to her, I need to speak slowly and often repeat myself several times.  It pains me to see her this way as she had been so mobile and lucid for so many years.  And it also pains me to know that it will be a little while before she can meet my future child.  I just hope that she is still going to be around for that.

My BFF and I met up the first day I arrived.  It was great to see her as the last time we hung out was 2.5  years ago.  We have known each other for 30 years. I had to catch her up on all that has happened to us including the whole history about our donor disappearing, frozen DE cycles failing, the need to use a gestational carrier, the whole fresh DE retrieval with the twist of positive cocaine urine test and to the most recent development of waiting for a transfer.  Just like many other people, she asked if we had thought about adoption since it’s not my eggs or my uterus in this endeavor, as if adoption is automatically the best plan for those who can’t get pregnant naturally.  I gently explained to her our choice and the rationale behind that without being offended or emotional.  Education is the best way to respond.  And yes, even though it is not my eggs or my uterus, I still want to start my family this way.

I realized that it would have been so much more fun to have Bob around.  Coming here by myself, many people asked me what I wanted to do.  To me, this is just me coming home and having a chance to hang out with my friends and family. If Bob had come, we would be taking many different modes of transportation and going to many different places. Without him being here, I don’t have a lot of motivation to do much. I’ll be seeing my old friends of 30 years as well as my college friends. I originally didn’t want to see my old friends since they don’t know much about my fertility journey.  I didn’t want to get together with them and their kids. It would just remind me of how far they have gone with growing their families while I’m still trying to get started. I thought more about it and decided to have a girls’ night without kids.  That way we can still catch up and I will not be constantly reminded of what I don’t yet have.  I’ll also be going to my grandma’s birthday banquet and will see all my younger cousins and their new babies.  I just hope that no one will ask me when I will have mine.  And I hope even more that if someone does ask me, I will handle their questions with grace.

Thanks to technology, Bob and I get to talk to each other and see each other’s faces on video chat. It makes life a little easier without him around. Ten more days before I go back to my husband and fourteen more days before our transfer!

Breast Scare and Grandma

One of my grandmothers is going to turn 97 or 98.  (Age and year of birth of that generation in the Chinese culture is often vague.)  I haven’t seen her since our trip to Asia in April 2014.  It is tough to live so far away from the majority of my family.  Grandma had been in very good health until this summer when she fainted and was hospitalized.  Physically she is fine.  However, her mind might have been a little chaotic.  As someone who used to have the best memory (remembering everyone’s birthday), she exhibited some symptoms of mental confusion and at one point didn’t even recognize my cousin who lives with her.  She no longer takes the shuttle from her home to the market for her breakfast, which was her routine for 20 years.  Her mind has improved since the summer, but it feels that a visit with her overseas is necessary at a time when she is still relatively lucid and healthy and we can still spend quality time together.  I do not want to go when it is too late.  Since we have been trying to sort out the whole donor egg cycle and surrogacy, there has not been a good time to go.  The timing seems good now that we are down to the wire in terms of preparation for our gestational carrier’s transfer.  The legal paperwork will hopefully be completed by the second week of October and we are hopeful to do the transfer the first week of November.   Grandma’s birthday this year is October 22 (it changes yearly according to the lunar calendar).  My brother is set to fly over for a visit around that time.  It would be good for me to go around the last two weeks of October just in time for a transfer in the first week of November.  I was doing my search of reasonable airfare and then…

I found a little lump on my right breast last weekend randomly while watching TV.

It felt small and it moved around a little, but it was definitely something new.  I freaked out a little but decided to make an appointment with my primary care doctor online.  I scored an appointment for Monday afternoon.  I am not going to lie, but my mind was going fast and I was worried.  You know how it is.  Our worries about the future cloud our judgment as our mind jumps to conclusion.  The worst case scenarios flashed in my head.  Fortunately, prayers for peace and the determination to stay away from Goog.le search had kept me sane.

My doctor reviewed my mammogram results prior to coming in the exam room.  My one and only mammogram two years ago was normal but did indicate that my breast tissues were dense and fibrous.  Upon palpation, my doctor couldn’t even find the little lump at first until I pointed it out to her.  She said it felt more fluid-filled, like a cyst.  Just to be sure, she also examined my left breast and found a bigger and denser lump on the top left part of it.  She said that since this one felt more solid, it’d be best for me to do a scan.  She put in an order for a mammogram and told me to go to radiology to make an appointment.

At radiology, I was told that I could be seen immediately.  However, the staff members asked me a question that was taped on the counter: Do you have new masses or lumps on your breast?  I answered yes.  Because of this yes, I was told I had to go to the “Breast Health Services” downstairs.  Over there, I was told that I had to be scheduled to see a doctor there first.  The first opening is this coming Monday late morning.  So that means that I have had to wait a whole week to see this doctor before I can get any scans.

During this week of waiting, I still freak out at times, thinking about the possibility of me being sick and us bringing a baby into this world and the baby not having a mom.  The mind can go to the worst place fast.  But I am mostly at peace with this and am just waiting for the appointment.  I pray that I surrender everything to God as He is the one who is in control.  It could be psychological, but ever since these two lumps were found, I could seriously feel my breasts throbbing with soreness at times.  Speaking with others helps.  Both of the coworkers that I spoke with have had the same happen to them.  Both were checked out and were fine.  It’s helpful to know that the results could be normal.  This has also freaked Bob out.  The first night was the hardest as he was worried and wondered why we had to deal with one thing after another.  He has since then calmed down and has also just been waiting patiently for the appointment next week.

Because of this new development, I have been hesitant with the trip to Asia.  What if these lumps are more serious than I would like?  What if treatment is needed?  What if what if what if.  I have delayed looking into plane tickets but then I am also mindful that I would like to be around for all the initial scans that Annie, our gestational carrier, would have if/when we get pregnant.  It will be even harder to schedule a time to go see my grandmother in the near future once a pregnancy is achieved if I want to be as present for the pregnancy as possible.  So I have decided to purchase my plane tickets this weekend regardless of the outcome of the exam on Monday.

It is sometimes difficult, but I am determined to focus on the good things: seeing my family, spending time with my grandma, and being full of anticipation for our upcoming transfer.  I pray that the exam on Monday yields good results so that my mind can rest and truly enjoy the good things that life has to offer.

MicroblogMondays: In-Laws and Best Friend


My father and mother-in-law decided to come visit from India for about seven weeks, seven years after they last came to see their one and only son.

Do you know how huge this is?  They were the ones who refused to meet me the last time they came.  They adamantly opposed our marriage.  They were extremely upset that Bob and I got engaged and later got married.  My father-in-law was so angry that he refused to speak to Bob for another ten months after that.  Needless to say, nobody from his family came to our wedding.  Bob was very sad, but at the same time very happy that we got married.  What a dichotomy.

So we went from that, to them refusing to let me go to their home the first time we visited India as a married couple, to my MIL asking why we didn’t stay with them the second time we visited, to not wanting to come visit, to now agreeing finally to come visit.

This is huge.

Bob has been very excited about this potential visit, but at the same time wearied about having them around for the first time as a married man in our own home.  After five years of marriage, he wants to show his parents how he and I have made a home for ourselves.  But his parents are such hardcore hindu and vegetarian that huge changes have to be made in order to accommodate them in our house.  We will have to clean out all the meat products, even chicken broth.  We will have to wipe down the whole refrigerator.  We will have to buy all new pots, pans, utensils, bowls, and plates because the ones we have now have all touched meat.  This is no laughing matter.

And then there is a problem of weather.  They want to come in mid-June and leave in early August.  That is when the weather is the most overcast and cold in our area.  They complained about being cold the last time they were in town when the temperature down in the south bay was in the 70s.  They had their down jackets on all the time.  They are used to the weather at least in the 80s if not 90s.  I don’t know how they will survive in the 50s and 60s weather.  Turn on the heater, perhaps?

And then there is me and them.  I think that it’s a wonderful thing they are willing to come visit.  Bob lives with my mom for about six months of the year. Although my mom is the most considerate person, it is still a third party in this household of two.  So it takes a big person to be able to live peacefully with a mother-in-law for such a long stretch of time.  He has been doing that since we got married five years ago.  Now his parents are only here for 7 weeks.  I should be able to deal, right?  I truly hope so.  Bob usually does not come home until 8 something at night.  I am usually home by 6pm.  I will have to entertain my in-laws for two hours every night alone.  I mean, I should treat this as an opportunity to get to know them and learn how to make some South Indian food.  But it is still a little worrisome for me that I will be alone with them.

Another semi-worry is that my in-laws have only speculations about our infertility but do not actually know anything solid about our journey so far.  Given how unsupportive they have been of our marriage, it is difficult to share with them our need for fertility treatment.  I can’t imagine sharing with them about using donor eggs to get pregnant.  I know that it is highly likely that their visit will coincide with our next donor egg cycle.  It takes time to find a new donor and to start a cycle.  If we ever travel out of town for a cycle, then it’d be very hard to cover up why we have to go.  Bob was very nice.  He offered to tell his parents to postpone the trip until later this year or next year, but I told him not to because really, we cannot put off living life and other things just because we have to make a baby, right?  My mother-in-law had not really talked about us having a baby until a couple of months ago.  Since then, she started talking about it weekly and is obviously concerned about my age.  I don’t know what will happen when she is physically here and if this talk of baby and my age will come up.  I will deal with it when it comes.

But then, a few weeks ago, my best friend of 30 years who lives overseas told me that she wanted to come visit in the summer with her husband and my goddaughters.  The last time she came was before she gave birth to her oldest daughter.  That was years ago.  I got all excited about their visit and totally planned on taking two weeks off to go places with them.  They would stay with us, of course.  I knew that my in-laws would come in June and leave by early August.  I was really hoping that my best friend could come mid-August so I could have both my in-laws’ and her visits this summer.  Last week, she notified me that due to the girls’ school schedule, they could only come the first two weeks in July.  My heart sank as that coincides with my in-laws’ visit.  I told her that I would ask Bob to negotiate for his parents to come a bit later.  I know that his father has some religious rituals he has to do in September but I know that it is not until mid-September.  Maybe they could be flexible and move their dates.  My best friend hesitated and asked if it was a good idea to even ask.  I was thinking, asking doesn’t hurt, right?

Wrong.  Bob asked.  He asked really nicely.  Just a suggestion and if it didn’t work out, my best friend’s family could come in 2017.  His parents were actually very upset that he even dared to ask.  His dad was screaming at him saying that he would have ten thousand things to do when he goes back home in August.  How dare him that he even opened his mouth to ask.  Then his mother yelled at him for asking.  She thought that they were the elders that should not have been asked to accommodate just a friend.  In my opinion, a simple “No” should suffice.  It didn’t have to lead to drama.

My best friend was right.  It wasn’t a good idea to ask.  I guess I was using my own mentality and was thinking that my parents would have accommodated if someone made such a request.  Oh well, my best friend and I will plan a trip for her to come next summer so we can all go visit Alcatraz, Monterey, and other places that her daughters really wants to visit.  It boggles my mind that nobody comes to visit for all these years and all of a sudden they all want to come visit at the same time.

How did Bob turn out to be such a good soul?  After all, he was raised by his parents who have such narrow world views.  I don’t know.  But I am grateful that my husband doesn’t think the way his parents think.  I don’t hold it against my in-laws.  I know that it’s hard to change.  I just feel bad that my husband got yelled at because of me.

So yeah, I don’t get to see my best friend here in the States this year.  And I hope that my in-laws will have a good visit.  A lot of prayers are necessary for me and Bob to have tremendous love and patience for his parents.

MicroblogMondays: It’s Good to Get Away Despite the Bugs


After some crazy few days, this vacation feels very well deserved.  It seems like a perfect time to get away after major car trouble and broken hot water heater.  And I am grateful that we did arrange for a get away.  We are at a coast town right next to the Pacific Ocean.  We are always drawn to the ocean.  A majority of our road trips are along the coast.  The water just calms both of us down.  This is our first time coming to this town.  I in fact had never heard of it until some of our best friends came here last year.  When I called the hotel where they had stayed and found that there was still one room left for the days that we wanted, I jumped at the opportunity.  We have not been disappointed.  The room is nice with a king bed, nice decor, and a full kitchen.  The bathroom is on the smaller side but I knew that from reading the reviews and I didn’t mind it.


The room has a view of the ocean far far away. It is still a view nonetheless. It just gives you a sense of peace peeking out the window seeing the water in the midst of sunset.


The best kind of vacation is to be staying somewhere you can walk to shops and restaurants. We just parked the car and go everywhere on foot. To Bob, this is like heaven because he can have a drink without worrying about driving. We had some very yummy food.  Being unpregnant means time for wine and beer.



The experience that stands out the most was not the view or the food or any other attraction. It was being attacked and what felt like being eaten alive by gnats.  At breakfast yesterday, we chose a restaurant with great reviews. A table outdoor was available immediately. Since it was sunny and crisp outside, we didn’t mind the cold weather. We sat down and were ready to enjoy a nice breakfast. The longer we sat, the more uncomfortable we felt. These tiny little fly-like bugs were gathering around us. The more we waved them away, the more they came.  A wait staff person brought a bucket with s candle inside in order to fight off these gnats. They only increased in number. Moving to another table away from the flower pots didn’t help at all. The owner came by, apologized, and told us that only certain people attract gnats. We are apparently those people. We discovered that it was more Bob than me. When Bob walked away to stand in the parking lot, I noticed that the gnats weren’t as interested in me. All I could see was poor Bob taking off his jacket and sweatshirt and shaking them like crazy. His whole body including his head and all over his back was covered up with little gray dots. It was quite disgusting. He returned when the food arrived. More and more gnats were floating in our water glasses. It was just simply too hard to put food in your mouth when you are afraid of eating extra proteins from the bugs.  At that point, we just looked at each other and laughed hysterically.  What else can you do but to laugh? I am just glad that we still have a sense of humor about the situation.  We were at that point waiting for a table inside the restaurant.  If nothing turned up in the next couple of minutes, we were just going to pack up the food and go.  Fortunately, a table opened up.  We finally moved inside and ate in peace.  Even after we left the restaurant, we discovered that Bob was the magnet for these gnats.  As long as we were outdoors, we were attacked.  The owner of a hat store where we escaped into told us that the key is to walk briskly.  We took the advice and walked super fast.  Once we walked away from the water, the gnat situation improved tremendously.  We could walk peacefully in the sun.

We saw quite a few babies and little children on this trip. Despite being disappointed in our recent loss, Bob is as curious and drawn to the little ones as always. He doesn’t shy away from them or avoid them. He looks at them,  smiles, and wonders aloud if he will wear his baby or put him/her in the stroller in the future. I admire his resilience and hopefulness. It’s inspiring and encouraging to look to the future. 

This afternoon we will enjoy a massage for the both of us.  Hopefully this will be another highlight of our trip.  Despite the crazy gnat incident, we are still enjoying a very quiet, peaceful, calm, and relaxing vacation with each other.  Hopefully this will be our last end-of-the-year trip that we will be spending just by ourselves.  Next year, we hope to have to bring a little person along anywhere we go.

MicroblogMondays: Pre-Train Trip Saga


Today should be the conclusion of our train journey to Chicago that we have been looking forward to for a few months now.  Since I do not have wifi on the train, I am writing this blog post in advance and it is scheduled to be published on Monday morning.  Since I am writing this prior to the trip, I can’t tell you the experience.  However, I can tell you how stressed out Amtrak had made me in the days leading up to our trip.

If I didn’t have a crazy train enthusiast husband, I probably would never know anything about Amtrak’s usual delays and potential cancelations.  But I do have a crazy husband who constantly checked the status of the train that we were going to take.  Train number 6 runs from Emervyille, CA (our station) to Chicago.  Train number 5 goes from Chicago to Emeryville.  About 1.5 weeks ago, train 5 was stuck in Iowa due to some tracks that were washed out by the flood.  That particular train was about 36 hours late arriving in Emeryville.  The resulting ripple effect caused both 5 and 6 to be canceled on certain days following the epic delay.  The trains were totally canceled.  The passengers could not be rebooked for another day because all the trains were sold out.  Imagine my stress level when train 6 (the one that we were going to take) was running on June 28, June 30, but canceled on June 29 and July 1.  Our trip was going to be on July 4th.  The interesting thing is, you couldn’t find any of these updates on the Amtrak website.  All it said was “No status update due to service disruption”.  We found updates on some Amtrak enthusiasts’ forum.  I originally gasped at how delayed the trains could be (mostly 5 to 6 hours, sometimes over 13 hours).  As the days passed, our expectation had gone lower and lower.  We went from only wanting 2 hours delay, to not caring about any delays as long as our train would still run on our departure day.  Imagine having to scramble for last minute plane tickets to Chicago if our train was canceled.  And because this was caused by natural disaster, we weren’t sure if Amtrak would refund the train fare to us.  The stress of it all made me a bit crazy for a few days.  To give myself peace of mind, travel insurance including trip cancelation was purchased.  Those fifty-eight bucks were the best investment ever.  I had been breathing better because of it.

Plus, I have been all ready to entertainment myself on the train.  Here are the things that I have prepared:


  • Coloring book for adults
  • 50 colored pencils
  • Sketch book to document our journey
  • Micron pens to use with the sketch book
  • Pass the Pigs (the most hilarious game ever throwing pigs and earning or losing points, thanks M!)
  • iota – another game that is pretty interesting
  • Books: Orphan Train, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, the Girl on the Train (on iPad, not pictured)
  • iPhone games: Can You Escape 1, Can You Escape 2, Criminal Case, Cross Fingers, and possibly more puzzle games

Can you tell?  I am totally ready for the 51 hour journey and any delays that get thrown our way.

If you get to see this post, it means that we are on our way there.  Hopefully you get to see this!

MicroblogMondays: Choo Choo!!!


Bob and I had been talking about taking a trip somewhere for the Fourth of July weekend.  One of the choices was to drive up north for about ten hours to visit with my friend Chloe and her family.  After the little incident between me and Chloe, I don’t feel ready to spend a few days with her.  I have this instinct to guard my heart and to protect myself from any more insensitive or hurtful comments, although I know that Chloe will be extra careful with me when it comes to talking about my fertility.  Still, I don’t want to risk it, especially at around the time when we expect to be in the middle of a egg donation cycle.  Plus, after all that we have endured in the past nine months, Bob really wants to have something to look forward to.  I do too.  We still have to live life, right?  Bob’s first love is trains.  He talks about trains on a daily basis.  He has been wanting to take an overnight train ride somewhere in the country.  Sometimes when Bob cuddles with me at night, he would ask me what train we are pretending to be taking.  I would often say “a train to Chicago”.  He would slightly shake his body and make quiet train sounds while we fall asleep.  I really want to make him happy and to thank him for being there with me on this life journey.  I checked the Amtrak fare for California Zephyr that runs from San Francisco to Chicago.  After doing some calculations, riding a train on July 4th is cheaper than any other days  around that time.  I originally hesitated booking because of the unknown timing of a DE cycle. However, living life is more important.  If a DE cycle happens to be around that time, it can wait.  I am done holding off our life because of infertility. The whole train ride will be over 51 hours.  A roomette was our original plan since it contains bunk beds.  However, after I saw that a bedroom has a lot of extra space, a possibility for two people to sleep in the lower berth, and its own in-room shower and sink, I was sold.  It costs a lot more money to book the bedroom.  But I figured that a train journey is an attraction in itself.  So the extra money is worth it.  All the meals are included.  There is no wifi on the train, and the cell phone reception is reportedly spotty. I guess we really have to interact with each other in these 51 + hours.  Haha.  It’ll be good for our relationship.  Free of unnecessary distractions.  We’ll spend a week there and fly back on July 11th.  That means that I’ll celebrate my birthday there in Chicago!  One of my best friends lives there so we’ll be spending a lot of time with him and his family.  AND, one of my best online friends lives a few hours away so we may have a chance to finally meet up!

I shared the news with Chloe, who, although was super bummed about not seeing us in July, took it really well and was excited for us.

We are so excited about the trip.  It’s important to build memory as a couple, especially something more fun and memorable than our IVF cycles.

Three more months.  Can’t wait!

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MicroBlogMondays: Time for a Trip!


In light of all the hiccups in our cycle, I really really need something to look forward to.  I have two weeks off in December.  Going away for a few days would be a wonderful way to conclude our year, albeit one that is without a pregnancy or a baby.  Bob was hesitant in spending money on anything since saving up for donor egg cycles is not a joke.  However, it’s no fun to spend every single penny on fertility treatments.  After some talking and persuading, he softened up and agreed to ask his boss for a few days off.  Being granted those days off is fantastic especially since he hasn’t been with this company for long.  I searched and made careful considerations.  I wanted a location more than two hours away but not farther than four hours away.  Along the Pacific Ocean coastline would be ideal.  And a bed and breakfast with good breakfast and within walking distance to restaurants and attractions would be a bonus.  I am happy to announce that we found such a location with such an accommodation!  Pacific Grove is the destination and this nice inn is where we will stay.  What is even better is that this inn offers a 20% discount for Sunday to Wednesday if we mention Ye.lp during booking.  We got a very good deal for December 28 to December 31.  After I confirmed everything, my dear husband began to be very excited about the trip as well.  I originally wanted to spend the end of my two-week wait on the trip post transfer.  At the rate that my current cycle is going, I know that it is very likely that Bob and I will be walking on a beach without any embryos inside of me.  But that’s okay.  I am very grateful that we are still able to get away for a few days.  Always look on the bright side, right?

A Fun Trip to Denver – Take Two

(I don’t know what happened.  Wordpress has been acting up.  I wrote this whole post, triple-checked the preview, and posted it.  Then I found out that 2/3 of my post was not published.  This is take two.  Hopefully it works this time!)

It’s been a while.

Since my last post, we have flown over to Denver for a vacation and a wedding as well as done two more consultations. Let’s talk about the fun part first.

Bob and I had never been to Denver. When we received the wedding invitation to my friend K’s wedding, Bob had just lost his job. We calculated the cost and found that flying two people out of state with airfare, car rental, accommodations, and cost of food would cost more than a few hundred dollars. When you lost one income, you have to be cautious.  When we got married, K flew from Denver and sang at our wedding.  I felt that it was the least we could do to celebrate her and her fiance.  So we bit the bullet and bought the plane tickets.  I am so glad that we did as the trip happened right before Bob began his new job.  The timing couldn’t be more perfect.

We made plans to go to the mountains first before the wedding.  We rented a B&B in Estes Park just right outside of Rocky Mountain National Park.  We found ourselves with the most hilarious innkeeper who happened to LOVE Bob.  He talked a mile a minute, made us the yummiest breakfasts, and sat in the same room and chatted with us the whole duration of the breakfast.  Very interesting character.

Here are pictures of the breakfasts:

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We saw the most spectacular views.  We drove on the Trail Ridge Road and the sceneries were breathtaking.  The mountains were covered with snow.

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We saw this at one of those gift shops in Grand Lake:


Bob loves it.

We visited many lakes and hiked up to one of them.  I was okay reaching the altitude of 12000 ft while riding in the car.  However, hiking one mile uphill starting at the altitude of 9450 ft was a bit much for me.  I can normally walk a mile or two without a problem.  However, at that height I was huffing and puffing every single second.  It really took me a while to get used to it.

Here is Bob’s back in front of a lake.


This is called Dream Lake and it did look like a dream.


One of the most interesting things is seeing one UPS truck after another driving in the deep mountains.  Seriously we saw more than six or seven USP trucks in one evening.  I guess people living remotely tend to do online shopping?

Remember a secret Face.book group that I have been a member of?  I had never met any of my friends in that group in real life, until this trip to Denver.  One of the ladies lives in a suburb.  We arranged to meet up and we had such a nice time with her.  She looks exactly like she appears online.  We got to see her newly built house, met her sons, and were treated to a very yummy lunch.

The wedding was so much fun.  We got a gift bag as out of town guests.


I don’t want to out my friend on this blog so I will not post any pictures of the wedding.  But I did take a picture of my Sweet Tea Lemonade, with Sweet Tea Vodka and lemonade:


All I can say is that I love her and I love how happy she looked on her wedding day.  My mind did go directly to my reaction if she announces her pregnancy in a few months.  Well, I’ll worry about it later.

When we came back from the trip, my mom was on her way to my cousin’s wife’s baby shower.  My cousin got married last October.  Shortly after that, I heard from my mom that his wife was pregnant.  She is due in September and my mother has been knitting her sweaters for her baby boy.  This has created a feeling of jealousy inside my heart as all I have hoped for is for my mother to make ME baby clothes, not for my cousin.  It’s a constant struggle to keep my feelings in check.  I surely do not want someone else to suffer from infertility like the way we do.  However, it’s not a good feeling that his wife, who is about 38, did not even have to try for a little bit before she found herself pregnant.  I told my mom that I am sorry but I usually don’t go to baby showers anymore.  I am glad that I wasn’t invited to this one.  My mother brought home two bars of chocolate that were given to us as favors from the shower.  Each bar was custom-made with the baby’s information and the parents’ information.  I guess this is a current trend for favors for baby showers since I’ve seen it from someone else’s shower.  I quickly flipped the chocolate bars over so I wouldn’t have to look at the content of the label.  I just can’t believe that some people get lucky so easily and others have to struggle for so long…

Anyhow, that was the trip!  It was lovely.  Bob started his new job a few days ago.  So far so good.  I will write another post about the consultations.