Having emotional stability at home makes a huge difference in the outlook of life. Plus getting encouraging news again and again also has an amazing effect on my emotions. All these positive changes mean that I can deal with baby bumps a lot more easily. Last Wednesday was my presentation to expectant moms. I was so thankful to God as He put my life back in order again after having a few chaotic weeks. Otherwise, it would have been a lot more difficult for me to put on a brave face and talk to these pregnant ladies. I also think I could separate my emotions out because I am passionate about my work. It really was not bad at all. There were a total of 15 of these ladies. I stood there in front of them talking about brain development of babies and the different ways they could interact with their babies from the first day of birth. Because all the expectant moms were sitting down, I could focus on their faces instead of their big bumps. I cared more about connecting with them and making sure they understood what I was saying rather than worrying about them being pregnant when I was not. It was a success. It has also been going well at work with my pregnant coworkers. I made small talk with the pregnant ladies at work rather than avoiding them all together. I sat in the lunch room one day, listening to my engaged pregnant coworker talk about her wedding and altering her dress. I felt brave. I didn’t chime in but I did not flee either. I welcome this change as I do not want to feel even more isolated than I already feel. I hope that this is an upward trend for my emotions in the next few months as we gear ourselves up for our donor egg cycle. I like the Isabelle in this state much better than a few weeks ago, when life was grim and the bottom of the pit was dark. I am slowly climbing out of the pit. The view is getting better and better.
I have not been feeling particularly nice these past few days. It’s weird because my period has already passed so I can’t blame it on PMS. I did see many pregnant ladies on Sunday though. There were many different sizes of bellies. Every corner I turned there was a big bump. My husband said that these ladies were all out there to haunt me. It could well be true. At church I turned around and saw this lady that got pregnant the month after she was married. She got married nine whole months ago. She is about to be due. Talk about crazily fertile people. It doesn’t help that her bump is extra huge because she is so petite. And then I turned to the other side and noticed that a lady who already has the cutest two-year-old boy all of sudden had grown a belly. I must not have paid much attention to her in the last couple of weeks. I swear that I just saw her not too long ago and her belly was flat. When did that happen? Fertile people have a way to sneak up on you without you even knowing. I thought I would be safe in the early elementary Sunday school class that I teach. Ugh. Wishful thinking. A six-year-old announced to me that there was a baby in his mom’s tummy. Thank you very much, kid. I did see his mommy in the parking lot from afar.. Hmm.. Her belly was flat. But kids don’t lie. She could be just 12 weeks along. Did I mention that Sunday school kid already has a younger sister? I guess this is what happens when you can so perfectly space your children apart. She could well have experienced some sort of infertility or losses. But I was feeling particular judgmental on that day. Anyhow. The Sunday bumps must have started me off on the wrong foot this week. My Dear Colleague shared with me that she thought that she was accidentally pregnant with number three. Fortunately (?) it was a false alarm confirmed by a negative pregnancy test. She does NOT want a number three. I looked her straight in her eyes and said, “If that happened, that would be the end of our friendship.” It sounded like a joke but I was actually dead serious. Yup. I don’t think I can handle Dear Colleague’s baby number three in 2 1/2 years. Hey Dear Colleague, I know you read this. I still love you but if number three truly happens, I will step away from your life for a little (or long) while. Anyhow, yup. I am feeling particularly bitchy. Thank goodness the universe is allowing this friendship to continue on and blossom. I need her support. Anyhow, hopefully after this week I will be back to be the nice person that I usually am, provided that I am not again bombarded with big baby bumps everywhere I turn.