MicroblogMondays: Mixed Emotions

Even though I am no longer trying for a baby, this past weekend was filled with emotional ups and downs in relation to (in)fertility.  It started out with my friend who has been trying for a baby for several years.  She has banked multiple embryos with her own eggs and has been trying to transfer them to make a baby.  Her journey has been quite a roller coaster.  She had a miscarriage after her first transfer, which caused her to decide to go back to banking more embryos.  After that she finally decided to transfer again.  A couple of transfers later ended up in another miscarriage.  After that, her lining had been acting up with fluid buildup and what not, which delayed her subsequent transfer.  After months of trying to build a decent lining, she had a recent transfer and found out that it was negative on Friday.  Saturday was her birthday.  She turned 45.  She is feeling so sad and depressed.  It has been hard to watch her go through such a difficult time.  She feels like there is no hope and she can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I really feel for her.  She still has to transfer all of her embryos and if none of that works, she’d start to think about the possibility of using donor eggs.  It has been such a long journey for her with all these ups and downs that I feel like I have exhausted all the things I can say to her.  I know she appreciates me being present for her, but it feels like there is not much I can say or do.

And then we had a family get together with my mom’s side of the family.  Remember my cousin who struggled to have a baby and pursued egg donation?  She gave birth to her baby six months ago and made it back to her hometown with her significant other and her baby.  I had walked with her from the beginning of her fertility journey until she had her baby in her arms so it was so sweet to see her holding her own child.  Meeting her and her baby with the rest of the family members was definitely the highlight of my weekend.  It was such joy to witness my cousin coming out of the other side of infertility.  During dinner, her younger sister, my only other female cousin, shared with me that she had had three miscarriages in the past year.  My heart immediately hurt so much for her and I started tearing up.  One of the pregnancies ended after they even saw a heartbeat.  She was on Loven.ox for that pregnancy.  There wasn’t enough tissues left for testing so they didn’t know the cause of the miscarriage.  She is now going to consult with a reproductive immunologist in her area to hopefully find out the cause of her problems.  I just can’t believe that all the female cousins on my mom’s side of the family have suffered from infertility.  I will be here to support her if she reaches out, just like how I support my friend I mentioned above.  I hope and pray for a baby for the both of them in the near future.  No more tears and no more miscarriages……

3 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Mixed Emotions

  1. I actually have been doing a lot of research for articles on egg freezing/banking and how women aren’t adequately prepared by clinics that things can go wrong. They just think they can come back, transfer an embryo and have a baby. And it’s so heartbreaking when things like this happen, especially when there’s no great reason. And how awful that this is happening to your cousins. I think after we go through hardships like this, it makes us so much more equipt to walk with something else through their journey.

    Liked by 1 person

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