MicroblogMondays: No Such Thing as Anonymity

I was listening to a podcast the other day about DNA testing and how people are excited about connecting to their relatives through a DNA database.  I paid particular attention at one point when egg and sperm donors were mentioned.  With this technology, egg and sperm donors who wish to keep themselves anonymous will not be able to keep their identity under wraps.   That means people like my children who have been conceived with the help of donor eggs have the means to find the people to whom they are genetically linked.  They will be able to see who contributed to 50% of their DNA and those that share their DNA. I have never wanted to keep my children’s conception story a secret.  I want them to have a complete picture of who they are and not to have to find out about the donor conception part of their life through a test or anyone other than me.  I recently purchased a book called “You Were Meant To Be” and started to read it to the kids.  Bunny is a book worm and frequently requests to read this book.  She calls this book “Be”.  She fills in the blank for certain words of the story.  Okra likes the book too but he is more into trucks and trains.  I explain to them that a piece of me didn’t work so I needed help from our donor.  The book itself is simple enough to explain a very complex situation to toddlers who are not even two years old.  This is my first step to make this part of their life a normal part so it will not be a surprise in the future.  I do not want them to be like those who are tremendously hurt because they find out about their biological origin well into their teenage years or adulthood.  If my kids want to find out who the donor is through a DNA database, I will have no problem with that.  They have the right and the freedom to explore who they are.  When we first pursued egg donation, our donor did say she was open to meeting with us.  So maybe this will come true and the kids can have a even more complete picture of who they are.  Then we will connect with our donor so they don’t even have to find her through a database.  We will see how this all will unfold.


5 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: No Such Thing as Anonymity

  1. We had the help of a donor embryo for our little guy (in addition to a surrogate). It was very difficult to find an Asian egg donor, so after A LOT of discussion, we used an embryo from a family who decided to donate their remaining embryos after they decided they did not want to have any more kids. I, too, would be completely fine if the little guy wants to find out more. All I know is that he is half Chinese and half Scottish-Irish by ethnicity. His Scottish/Irish side shows up A LOT – he was QUITE GINGER when he was born and still has tinges of red, even after his hair has darkened. He is also very fair skinned, and not in a cream-coloured way very fair skinned Asians tend to look (would “very good butter” be a good way of describing it?). Heck, I want to find out about ME, too (like how much “other Asian” I have. I’m on the darker side for Chinese and people don’t seem to know what kind of Asian I am. I get asked if I’m Vietnamese, if I’m Filipina or Thai QUITE A BIT. Someone once asked me if I’m Indonesian. I get China was basically EVERYWHERE, but still, you gotta wonder).


  2. Came over from Stirrup Queens, and you’re right it does make it a bit trickier if the donor wanted to remain anonymous. We had decided that if went donor eggs/embryo route we’d be open with our kiddos about their origin.


  3. That’s awesome. How wonderful for your twins to have their story from the beginning, all honesty, and how wonderful to have tools like they book to help, and an open donor. (Our egg donor was totally closed, but our sperm donor was open to a point, and before it didn’t work out I worried about the discrepancy.)


  4. I think the genetic ancestry stuff is really exciting and interesting but I’ve heard so many stories of families being torn apart by it. I think you’re very smart to be truthful with your kids at an early age, even though they can’t truly understand yet.


  5. Interesting post! I think it’s great how you are so open about their origin to the twins. It is also nice that your donor mentioned she would be open to meeting with them if that’s what they choose in the future.


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