MicroblogMondays: Marriage While Parenting Twins

This is a huge topic, but I am not going to go in depth about it.  Let’s just say that marriage while parenting twins is not easy.

After many years of infertility, Bob and I have a solid foundation in our marriage as we journeyed through the winding path of trying for a baby together.  But raising twins has brought the challenges to a whole new level.  The presence of the babies and our new priority of taking care of them means that sometimes our needs as an individual and as a couple are pushed to the side.  Bob’s long commute means he only gets a glimpse of the babies if they wake up late, and he gets to spend about 20 minutes with the babies when he comes home before their bed time.  During the day even with my mom’s help, I am pulled in all sorts of directions by the increasing demands of the babies as their wake time is getting longer and Okra, our baby boy, is going through a phase and has been increasingly whiny.  By the time we sit down at night after the twins have gone to bed, Bob is exhausted from his long day at work and I am exhausted from my long day with the babies.  Despite wanting to have some time together, we often find ourselves on our own smart phone doing our own things.  On the weekend, we try to do something as a family, and as a result, the babies get inconsistent naps and are often overly tired.  If one goes down for a nap, the other one may not.  We find ourselves sometimes running around like headless chickens trying to take care of the babies as best as we could.  I honestly sometimes feel inadequate as a parent.  Did I read enough with them?  Sing enough with them?  Let them have enough tummy time? Talk and play enough with them?  Have enough outside activities with them?  Sometimes I wonder if Bob and I are not paying enough attention to our own needs and each other’s needs because it just takes a lot of time to take care of twins.

Maybe we have to make time for each other despite how tired we are in the evening.  We need to figure something out.


6 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Marriage While Parenting Twins

  1. This isn’t really helpful, but I think that any Mom who reads this could have written it herself. I know I sure could have and I only had one baby at a time!!! It is very tough and you do need to make time for your marriage, but you also need to cut yourself some slack. Mom/wife worry is no joke.
    Good luck and hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is absolutely true of parenting. McRuger and I “lost” each other several times…especially when the boys were very young. We lost sight of our relationship…and were focusing on the kids. The promise we made is, that no matter what, we’d find each other again…and we have (but it’s a long haul). Kids fundamentally change a relationship…the dynamics are completely different…and old patterns no longer work. What I wish we had done differently is realize that the relationship that needs the most attention…isn’t the one with the children (that comes later)…it’s with each other. No matter how exhausted you both are, make time for each other…even if it’s just reading the same book in the same room at the same time….It’s not easy. It’s not romantic most of the time. And yet, it’s so necessary. Let me reassure you, you are doing a fabulous job…even when you feel you’re not.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t have twins, though I can imagine how busy you must be. My second one just turned 17 months old and I am busy and tired all the time. And I don’t even have to constantly watch my eight-year-old. Hang in there, you will figure out something to accommodate each other other than the kids. And hey, they will grow up one day, don’t they? 🙂


  4. For the sake of your babies, find at least an hour every week to be focused solely on each other ~ not the children, by yourselves. Once a month, at least ,take 3-4 hours together without children. Treat these times as a special date time with the person you love; it is. No electronics. Babies NOT focus of conversation. See and acknowledge the other adult in your family. Your marriage and children need this for all of you.


  5. Find time for yourself and for each other, even if it’s small things right now. This phase is short in the grand scheme of life but so hard. There will be time for family things on weekends when the babies are bigger. Plan a Saturday to just stay home and enjoy being with each other. Unless you’re going stir crazy at home all then. They by all means, get out of the house! So all of my advice is to figure out your needs and Bob’s needs and squeeze them back into your family’s lives.


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