This is a huge topic, but I am not going to go in depth about it. Let’s just say that marriage while parenting twins is not easy.
After many years of infertility, Bob and I have a solid foundation in our marriage as we journeyed through the winding path of trying for a baby together. But raising twins has brought the challenges to a whole new level. The presence of the babies and our new priority of taking care of them means that sometimes our needs as an individual and as a couple are pushed to the side. Bob’s long commute means he only gets a glimpse of the babies if they wake up late, and he gets to spend about 20 minutes with the babies when he comes home before their bed time. During the day even with my mom’s help, I am pulled in all sorts of directions by the increasing demands of the babies as their wake time is getting longer and Okra, our baby boy, is going through a phase and has been increasingly whiny. By the time we sit down at night after the twins have gone to bed, Bob is exhausted from his long day at work and I am exhausted from my long day with the babies. Despite wanting to have some time together, we often find ourselves on our own smart phone doing our own things. On the weekend, we try to do something as a family, and as a result, the babies get inconsistent naps and are often overly tired. If one goes down for a nap, the other one may not. We find ourselves sometimes running around like headless chickens trying to take care of the babies as best as we could. I honestly sometimes feel inadequate as a parent. Did I read enough with them? Sing enough with them? Let them have enough tummy time? Talk and play enough with them? Have enough outside activities with them? Sometimes I wonder if Bob and I are not paying enough attention to our own needs and each other’s needs because it just takes a lot of time to take care of twins.
Maybe we have to make time for each other despite how tired we are in the evening. We need to figure something out.