MicroblogMondays: Mom/Grandma

I have had some reflections (in my head) since motherhood began, but time is lacking in terms of blogging.  I at least want to write about this one particular one:  My mom and I had never been so close in the 43 years of my life, and I hadn’t fully realized the magnitude of her love to me until these past couple of months.

I know my mom loves me.  She has always had a servant’s heart and had taken very good care of me as she had been living with me every six months prior to my marriage (and continues to do so with Bob and me).  But the way she takes care of me and my babies shows me a whole new dimension of her love.

Since Bob returned to work after two weeks of parental leave, my mom has been by my side to care for the babies (and for me).  Her routine used to be like this: going to bed at midnight and sleeping in until 9am.  Ever since her grandchildren came, she has adjusted her sleep/wake time.  She would go to bed at 9pm and get up at 6am.  She would come upstairs to check on the babies at that time and urge me to go take a nap with my ear plugs on.  She then takes care of the babies until time to feed them again.  She has been feeding the babies with me side-by-side so I don’t have to always tandem-feed them.  She washes all the bottles.  She does the laundry for them.  You should see the way she plays with the babies, sings to the babies, talks to the babies, and rocks the babies to sleep.  She won’t let the babies cry more than a few seconds, and she patiently waits for them to finish their bottles even if it takes an hour and the babies fuss in between.  She praises the babies all the time.  She is the gentlest grandma ever.  You can see the love in her eyes and her voice for my children/her grandchildren and for me.

In the past seven weeks, she has experienced many episodes of vertigo.  The first time she was feeling dizzy was in my bedroom while holding onto Okra, my son.  I urged her to go lie down.  The second time it happened, she burst into tears because she felt useless for not being able to help me and take care of the babies.  But I told her not to feel guilty and that she needs to take care of herself so she can take good care of us.  Even when she doesn’t feel dizzy, she constantly feels tired with an aching back.  Well, we have to kind of blame it on baby boy because he’s probably 10 lbs by now.  It is not a small feat to lift him especially when he likes to be held a certain way.  She always jokes that she now has definition in her arms because of them.

Of course she knows that they have no genetic connections to her.  And of course this fact makes no difference in her love for them.  My mother is truly an inspiration for me to learn how to be patient with my babies when sleep is lacking and crying and whining become frequent.

We were not without conflicts.  In the early days when everyone was trying to adjust to this new life with crying babies and without the night nanny’s help, my mother said some very hurtful things to me that I won’t repeat here.  In her overly fatigued state, she didn’t realize how hurtful her words were.  We had our fight.  We shed our tears.  And we reached a new understanding as mother and daughter.  Although the incident was unfortunate, the outcome was unexpectedly good for our relationship.

My father was here for six weeks to help take care of the babies.  He was super helpful with food delivery, watching the babies while I took a breather, and feeding/playing with the babies.  Now that he is gone, I miss him tremendously.  I am quite sure that I would even miss my mother more when my in-laws come next April and my mom has to go back to Asia.

Really.  I don’t think I can function so well these days without my mom’s help.  She is truly the best mom and grandmother.  I am so blessed to have her.

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10 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Mom/Grandma

  1. This brought tears to my eyes – spending these days with your babies and your mom at your side, It just sounds so magical and special, even if there are a few not-so pleasant moments that I think are bound to happen from time to time.

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  2. You are truly blessed. Not just that your mom has that tremendous love for you and her grandchildren, but also the willingness and endurance to help you out so much is amazing. It is a special time for you all. And how lucky you are that you get to have her by your side until April.

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  3. That’s really lovely. I think a lot of grandparents enjoy “feeling useful” (I used quotation marks because it’s not as if she wasn’t useful before – just being her) when there are new babies to look after – and in your mother’s case, with two, she will feel that more acutely. How special that she has the time with you, and your babies. I think you’re both giving the other a gift of love.

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  4. You are incredibly fortunate to have her help. I wouldn’t have survived the first few months with my mom coming over four times a week. Being a mother myself has made me realize how much my parents sacrificed for us, especially my mom who stayed home with us kids instead of continuing her budding illustrations career. I can never tell her “thank you” enough but I know it’s a sweet reward for her after all these years. I said it a lot when my twins were 2 and 3, usually randomly texting her to say “thank you for not killing me when I was a toddler” and such. You will only appreciate your mother more as your twins grow and you walk through the same ages and phases that she went through with you.

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  5. Your mom being dizzy ~ has she had that checked out with a doctor? Can be low blood pressure. Should not be ignored. IT can be seriously dangerous, or just over medication, or……
    Glad all the rest is working out. Working out parent/grandparent dynamics can be fraught; sounds like you two are doing well.

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  6. This is a lovely post. I’m now at 40 weeks (today) so expecting any day now. My mum will be coming over to help and though we don’t always see eye to eye I’m pretty sure she will be the same, and won’t care about the lack of genetic link. So pleased things are going well XXX

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  7. As someone mothering without a living mother (whom I miss *so* much), I am so touched and deeply grateful for you to have this beautiful experience and opportunity. It sharpens the edges of my own grief but that isn’t all bad. Thank you for sharing. ❤️

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  8. This is so beautiful. Sometimes those painful moments bring you to an even closer moment, and it sounds like that’s what happened. I hope your mom is feeling better, and I am glad that she is helping and enjoying grandmotherhood, even if she sometimes doesn’t feel like much help. How wonderful to have close family, despite the miles between you when you’re all at home.

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