MicroblogMondays: Movements

I am currently in Annie’s town.  Bob and I came to spend time with her and her family, and we took professional photos yesterday.  It has been such a lovely visit.  Annie has been doing very well, and we had a great time at the photo shoot.  I can’t wait to see how the photos turn out.  Today I will meet with the nurse practice manager at the hospital where Annie will give birth, and I will also attend Annie’s first non stress test today.  It has been a very eventful and enjoyable weekend.

One of the reasons we really wanted to make a trip here so close to delivery date was for the babies’ movements.  Ever since Annie started to feel them, I had wanted to come and see/feel them move as well.  I was a bit sad that I couldn’t do that because we weren’t planning on coming.  Well, everything fell into place and here I am now.  It has been so magical these past few days.  I sat next to Annie multiple times a day and had my hands on her baby bump.  She would tell me where to put my hands and all of a sudden I would feel a shake or a wave.  Sometimes it would take many many minutes before the babies moved again.  Now I can tell which movement is from which baby.  Baby A is currently in the anterior portion and lower on the right bottom of the belly.  Baby B is across behind Baby A.  So all the movements that are more obvious are from Baby A, and all the more subtle movements from the top portion of the belly are from Baby B.  In the afternoon Baby A was moving quite a lot.  After dinner and a walk, Baby A was super quiet, and Baby B started turning and moving like crazy.  The next morning Annie told us that Baby A woke up at 5am and just moved around and woke Annie up.  It looks like we have one early bird and one nigh owl.  It has been quite amazing to see the movements.  At church on Sunday, Annie tapped me on my shoulder and pointed at her belly.  We could see parts of her bump moving and bulging out quite a few times.  Baby B must have been really excited about the pastor’s sermon.  🙂

I feel very grateful that things have been going so well, and we finally got to see and feel the babies’ movements.  This great sense of gratitude is also mixed in with a bit of sadness, a bit of jealousy, and a bit of surreality.  The babies are doing so well, and being able to feel their movements just highlights to me how alive and well they are.  A year ago we wouldn’t have imagined being here today, feeling their movements, and taking maternity photos.  At the same time, I look at my own body and my not-so-flat tummy that isn’t growing any life inside of it, for a moment, I was overcome with a sense of loss.  This journey has been so complicated and there are so many complex emotions to sort through.  I am glad that I feel positive, joyful, excited, and full of anticipation most of the time.  But boy, when these sad feelings hit, there is no hiding.  Although I have felt some sadness, I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything else, because this is God’s path for us, and these are the babies that He has entrusted with us.  Without our struggles and my inability to carry, these particular babies wouldn’t be the ones that we will meet in the very near future. 

God works in amazing ways, and these babies are a testament to that.

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6 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Movements

  1. A lovely, honest post. The loss you feel from not carrying your children is real, and deserves to be honoured. I’m glad though that it can be balanced with the joy of seeing and feeling your little ones move.

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  2. I can understand the complicated feelings. Of course it’s natural to feel sad at times that your body isn’t the one carrying them. I’m so glad you were able to visit Annie and feel the babies move around and be more a part of everything! And great you did the maternity shoot too. Cute that the babies enjoyed the sermon so much in church!

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  3. And please don’t feel guilty about feeling sad. (Usually there’s some well-meaning family member saying: “This is a happy time! Don’t be sad!”) I think it’s perfectly understandable that there is some grieving involved. But what a beautiful exciting new chapter you have ahead of you! xo

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  4. I don’t think you’d be the amazing mom you are if you didn’t have those sad, conflicting feelings and deep sense of loss. I am so delighted you got to have this time with Annie and the babies and shared these memories and experiences first hand. I can’t wait for you to meet these babies – I imagine you bursting with excitement. Sending so much love to you all.

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