This is a whole new territory. Today is the day before our beta. But I won’t be going to the lab first thing in the morning for a blood draw. I have not been talking to Max the embryo since it isn’t inside my womb. I have not been trying to speculate symptoms or to deliberately try not to speculate symptoms. This is our fifth transfer, and I don’t get to do the usual. It has been easier to wait for this beta because we don’t have to wait 12 to 14 days like when we were with UC.SF, my previous clinic. Dr. E is nice and only asks us to wait 8 days. She said, “If it implants then it implants. There is no need to make you wait.” So we blink, and beta day is just around the corner.
How do I feel about it? I haven’t felt a lot of nervousness, mostly because it has not been a long time since our transfer. Honestly, I sometimes forget that a transfer has taken place simply because it wasn’t my body that received the embryo. And when I do think about it, I am excited, but at the same time a bit ambivalent about it. Like I said, most of the time I don’t feel a lot of nervousness, but sometimes my mind does go to the negative territory. There is every reason to believe that we will get a good beta result. Our embryo is a normal embryo with good grade and great implantation potentials. Our gestational carrier has a great uterus with a great lining. There is no reason to believe that this won’t work. However, I also remember that it doesn’t really matter the odds that are calculated by human beings. It is all in God’s hand. If it is not in God’s timing, then it is not in God’s timing. There is nothing anyone can do. BUT, I also have to remember that my human mind does not know if this is God’s timing. This may well be the time that God says that yes this is your time and you are going to have a baby out of this. So basically we need to trust in God’s timing and not to think too much about it.
Yesterday I went to my bible study training and wrote in my prayer request to pray for the embryo to grow well in my surrogate. Many people came and congratulated me afterwards, but the further I chatted with them, I realized that they totally didn’t catch the part about the surrogate and thought that the transfer was to me. I found a lot of them looking surprised with this new piece of information. I guess it is not easy for people to digest the news that is so out of the ordinary for most people.
Annie has not felt any symptoms. Plus I told her that if she feels anything, it is most likely the effect of progesterone. She didn’t have much morning sickness with her previous pregnancies so I doubt that she’d feel much. Funny thing was, she texted me yesterday telling me that the progesterone sure was working because she was crying over an injury in a football game!
How about this for faith and optimism? I have marked my calendar for the first beta, second beta, 7 week ultrasound, and have looked up the dates for the NT scan and anatomy scan to plan ahead. I am even looking at websites of photographers in Annie’s area for a maternity photo shoot and possibly a birth photo session.
Election day and beta day on the same day is going to make one interesting and nerve-wracking/exciting Tuesday!