MicroblogMondays: Sadness is…

deleting all the reminders of PIO injections and replacement of estrogen patches on my Goo.gle calendar

removing Kevin the embryo’s photo from the fridge and putting it in a folder

seeing that Christmas cards of friends’ children have replaced Kevin’s photo in the prime spot of the fridge

running my hands on the areas made tender by the progesterone injections

feeling the subsiding soreness of those once-tender spots

looking in the mirror and seeing the faded “permanently-marked” circles for injections on my back that no longer need any re-marking

seeing the deflated hot water heating pad that has been untouched in the last three days

spotting the box of syringes, sharps container, and meds I kicked under my nightstand

reaching for the pads in the drawer that I thought I would say good-bye to for a while, but now are needed because of AF’s arrival

opening the freezer and seeing the ice pack that I had been using to ice the injection sites

touching the itchy rectangular residue from the estrogen patches that are no longer required for my lower abdominal area

tearing up while cutting open the Am.azon box and touching the panda hooded towel that is going to be my baby shower gift for my super pregnant supervisor

seeing the date knowing that we are approaching the end of our 48th month trying for a baby

closing my eyes at night having Kevin’s picture vividly in my mind

feeling heartbroken waking up at the crack of dawn losing this pregnancy

 

 

… but, it’s okay to be sad.

And I will be okay.

Microblog_Mondays

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16 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Sadness is…

  1. I know the weight and pain of these moments. You are so smart to let the pain come and to also know there will be brighter days ahead. Hugs. Xo

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  2. It is absolutely okay to feel how you feel. One of the best things I’ve done after my miscarriages was to show myself grace… You are smart to be gentle with yourself. I’m still praying. Xoxo

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  3. It is okay to be sad. It’s a sad thing. And you need to feel what you’re going to feel. But, yes, you will be okay, too. And that is an important anchor to have.

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  4. I’m so so sorry for your loss. I wish you didn’t have to write this, but it was very beautifully written. Sending peace. (here from Mel’s roundup)

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss, and for the sadness. It’s good to catalogue the sad, to acknowledge it so you can heal whenever you’re ready. I’m just so sorry there’s so much of it.

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