After meeting with Dr. No Nonsense last Friday, I had an impression that we could schedule a transfer any day in November. Since I will have a day off on November 11, I was imagining taking November 12 and 13 off, and transferring on Friday the 13th. Apparently, it doesn’t work that way. On Monday and Tuesday, my nurse and I were emailing back and forth. She told me that November 13th is too close. A more realistic date for the lab schedule and to have enough time to build my lining is November 24 or November 25. That’s the week of Thanksgiving. Of course it’s better to transfer earlier, but it just doesn’t sit well with me to take November 24 off for a transfer. Do we take a day off also on November 25? If so, then should we just take the whole week of Thanksgiving off? Plus I have a prior engagement on November 24 that I could possibly get out of if necessary, but it’s not really necessary. After talking back and forth with Bob, we decided to go for November 25. My other consideration is that I need to find an acupuncturist that is willing to see me on the day before Thanksgiving. I can no longer go to my usual acupuncturist since she moved to another city. Or I can forgo acupuncture all together.
My nurse sent me a calendar so I have a better idea of what to do when. The following will happen barring anything unexpected:
October 26 Start Lup.ron
October 31 Take last birth control pill
November 1 to November 5 Expect period to start
November 5 Call nurse if period does not start
November 6 Begin one estrogen patch
November 9 Remove old patch and apply one new one
November 12 Remove old patch and apply two new patches
November 15 Continue two new patches every three days
November 18 Remove old patches and apply four new patches
November 19 Lining check, Bob to sign consent
November 20 Projected date of thawing the eggs and fertilization, Bob to give sample
November 25 Estimated date of embryo transfer
I have Kais.er insurance, so whatever my clinic prescribes is not going to be covered my insurance. I tried to get my new OB/GYN (my previous one left the practice) to prescribe some of these meds, especially the non-fertility ones. She refused because she is not part of my care for this, but she said that she could write the script for progesterone once I get pregnant. Well, it never hurts to ask, right? Although the answer was No this time.
I was comparing prices of meds last week calling around different online pharmacies and the local Wal.greens specialty pharmacy. I am surprised to find that Fre.edom is not the least expensive one. The local Wal.greens specialty pharmacy is the most expensive. For the one Lu.pron two-week kit, two vials of progesterone in oil (I need three but I have one in my posession), and the four boxes (8 patches each) of generic estrogen patches that I need, I save maybe $100 ordering from Av.ella Pharmacy.
I often check on goodrx.com to find discounts on drugs since I have to pay out of pocket. I have successfully used the discount codes for many different drugs in the past, such as Medr.ol or Val.ium. I have never done that for fertility drugs. This time I found a discount coupon for the Lup.ron at the local Wal.greens specialty pharmacy. Last week I physically went to check with the pharmacy staff if I could use the code for Lup.ron. I explained to one of them that I had used these codes for other drugs, so I just wanted to know if this would work also for Lup.ron before I place an order. All I got was a blank stare at first. Then she went and asked another staff member. Without even checking anything, this other lady told me that they would only take manufacturer’s coupon and nothing else, even for non-fertility drugs. I know that what she said is not true because I have used the discount coupons from this website numerous times and it has worked every single time. But there is no point of arguing. I walked away knowing that it is not worth my time, effort, and money to try to get the discount to work. I would be better off just ordering painlessly from an online pharmacy and having the meds delivered to me without me having to wait in line and argue about anything.
That’s what I did. I placed an order for the medications yesterday. They will be delivered to me tomorrow. I will be ready to do an injection on Monday. My first one in the last seven months.
What am I currently thinking and how am I feeling?
I am happy that we have an opportunity to have an embryo transfer before the end of the year. I know that my chances are a lot higher now than when I was cycling with my own eggs. The aspect of donor eggs is not a source of stress or anxiety at all. I am not bothered by the fact that I need to use donor eggs. I feel grateful that it is a choice for us.
But I have mixed emotions. I feel that I should be more excited than I am right now. I am hopeful. But at the same time, I have these thoughts that things could go wrong at any step in this process. I can tell you what goes through my mind. Given my history of bleeding through birth control pills, I wonder if my menses would start before I take my last pill. If that happens, does that throw things off? What if my lining does not grow? What if I don’t respond well to the estrogen patches? What if the eggs don’t thaw well? What if the eggs don’t fertilize well? What if there is only one blastocyst? What if there are no blastocysts? What if we transfer one and it doesn’t work and we have nothing to freeze? What if, what if, what if.
Sometimes, I am scared to death that this won’t work.
The fear is definitely there and it is very real. It’s not something that I can just brush aside. Those of you who have been on your own fertility journey for a few years probably have similar feelings about this. When things go smoothly, you can’t help but wait for the other shoe to drop. So what have I been doing to counter these fears, what-ifs, and negative feelings? I pray. Every single morning on my drive to work, I barely listen to the radio. I often turn it off when I turn onto a road where I can see Pacific Ocean. And I pray. I pray for the ladies in my bible study group. Each one of them. I pray for Bob, for his leadership in his own bible study group, for his work, for our unity and harmony at home, and for my work. I pray for those pregnant ladies in my blog world for their pregnancy to go well. I pray for those that are still waiting to get pregnant. Then I pray for myself. I pray that the Lord will replace my fear with calmness, peace, and strength. I pray that I will depend on Him every single step of the way. I pray that whenever I am scared, He will remind me of His sovereignty and His perfect plan for us. I pray that the Lord will give us the miracle that we have been waiting for. And I pray for the perfect timing and the perfect number of embryos that are in His plan. I need this daily. And I do this daily. As the time approaches the transfer, I am very sure that I need to submit myself to the Lord more than ever. Even with these prayers, there are a few moments during the day that I am fearful of a failed cycle. But I am always reminded by the Lord of His goodness. No one knows what is going to happen except God. And God is the only one who can give life. Fretting over it is not going to help me. So I need to focus on the present, and I am trying really hard to do that. I sometimes recite this: “I am doing everything I can to get pregnant”. The rest is really not up to me since I am not the one who has the control.
But let me tell you, despite being fearful at times and scared to death, I also did some other things that some may feel could jinx things for myself. Once we picked a transfer date, I looked up our potential due date. You didn’t read it wrong. Yes I did. I didn’t do it for the first transfer but my friend did for me. I myself looked up the due date for my second transfer. Now for this third transfer, I feel hopeful and know that looking up the due date is not going to jinx anything, if it is in God’s plan for us to get pregnant this time. Another thing that I have been doing is to search for one piece of maternity clothes that I can buy and keep in my closet. It’s something tangible to look forward to. Something to remind me that it is very possible that I will be able to put that piece of clothing item on in the near future. You know, maternity clothes I have seen so far in brick and mortar stores are hideous. Last weekend I went to four places and did not see one piece of clothes that I like. So I may have to go online and buy myself something.
So here we are. A bit over a month from now I could have an embryo inside of me trying to implant. I will continue to take it one day at a time and hopefully won’t go too crazy as the time gets closer!