Those are the words that were written in an email from Dr. No Nonsense’s nurse to me. I was so emotional I nearly teared up.
It has seemed like many months of waiting, although it has only been four months since we found out that our last effort of my own egg cycles was over. It took me a month to finally reach the point where moving on to egg donation felt like the logical and acceptable next step in our path. The processing of choosing a donor and realizing that it wasn’t going to be an easy task was a bit overwhelming. Once we thought that we could work with a mixed Chinese/caucasian donor, my uterus was not cooperating. I think I had probably lost perspective along the way. I had wanted things to move forward at my timeline since I had never anticipated problems with my uterus. I should have realized by now, after being at this infertility journey for a few years, that when God has a time and a plan for you that do not match your own, there is absolutely no rushing it. Who would have known that my own RE could not do a simple procedure that even a regular OB/GYN (like the one that I had before) could easily perform? This is me rushing the timeline, and God saying No.
So what do we do? We wait. Right? Nothing you can do. In the meantime, I had requested the in-house donor coordinator at my clinic to contact the donor that we liked. Although originally she had told me that she wouldn’t contact the donor until the month before the donor’s available time, which would be July (meaning right now), she started trying to reach the donor in June some time. The coordinator and I have since exchanged a few emails. Each time she told me that she had left voice messages and emails, but still had not reached the donor. She would try and let me know.
How did I feel about it? I actually felt okay. I feel that you don’t have much control over this process anyways. So if this donor could not be reached, it’s not hard to imagine that maybe God has other plans for us. I had been reading up quite a lot of posts on the site called “Parents Via Egg Donation”, and came across a post called “The Truth about Donor Po.rn”. The title totally got my attention immediately. What the heck is donor po.rn? I read on. And then it was as if a light bulb went off in my head. This is basically talking about intended recipients of donor eggs poring over many many donor profiles trying to find the most perfect donor, and once decided on a donor, became uncertain about the first choice and went on to look at more agencies, clinics, and other sites to find a more perfect donor. The post also talked about it as “The Grass Is Always Greener” syndrome. So, I see two sides of this phenomenon. Once you choose a donor and decide on her, do not second guess yourself, because if it works out, the baby that you will have is meant to be the baby that you will have. On the flip side of it, don’t fall in love with any donors. If a donor does not work out, then you choose someone else that may work out.
I think I did mention this. In addition to the in-house donor pool, we also looked at the donor pool of a local agency. There was one particular donor that we were originally interested in when we first met with the donor agency person. She is half Chinese, half Caucasian. She had donated in another city last year, and had only eight eggs and one embryo that was transferred and became a pregnancy for the recipient. However, there was no frozen embryos left. She is young (currently 24) and was chosen again for a second cycle by another couple despite the less than stellar first cycle result. She was going to complete a cycle in end of May and we were waiting to see the results. I was very pleased when I found out that the second cycle, which was done at a different clinic than the first one, yielded a much better, or I would say, excellent results. Twenty-five eggs were retrieved and 18 were fertilized. The recipient transferred two day-five blastocysts and became pregnant. Six blastocysts were frozen for future use. I remember reading her profile and liking her answers. I remember seeing her pictures and thinking that this was someone with whom we could work. In June, the donor agency person asked us if we wanted to work with this donor. At the time, we were still waiting for my hysteroscopy at Kai.ser to be done in mid-July, as well as choosing between this donor and the in-house donor who could not be reached. I was honest about it with the agency person. And I asked if we could be matched with this agency donor first before I get clearance from my RE so that the donor could start testing early. The agency person came back saying that usually REs don’t do any testing with the donor until the recipient is cleared. Oh well, then we just had to wait.
When we were on the architecture river boat tour in Chicago, my phone rang and it was UC.SF’s number. I knew I had to pick it up. It was the very nice donor coordinator calling me letting me know that she had been trying to reach the in-house donor but had not been able to reach her for six weeks now. So she told me to start thinking about other donors. I was feeling really at peace at the moment. It is clear that a decision has been made for us. After all, we don’t have to choose between two donors. Good thing we did not fall in love with any donors, per advice. I informed her of the other possibility with the donor agency. She was pleased to hear that and told me to contact her once my hysteroscopy is completed.
You know how my life was really chaotic in the last couple of months. With all the family issues going on, all the bad news that we got from doctors about my uterus, and just all the waiting, one could easily feel weighed down. I know I was. It felt really heavy that life could feel so grim. However, I had always held onto the trust and belief that God would one day take me out of the bottom of that pit that I have been talking about. And plus, it seems that God was giving me that time to physically, spiritually, and emotionally be ready to start the egg donation process. I went from being nervous, skeptical, angry, and apprehensive about it, to fully embracing the idea of having my own baby regardless of where the genetic source comes from. It has really taken me a few months to come to this point. I just want a baby. And when God blesses us with one, that will be the baby that we will have. The timing is everything. If we had started any earlier, then the baby would have been a different baby.
After the successful procedure on Wednesday, I notified the donor agency person that the hysteroscopy had been done, and I had emailed my nurse the results. Once I get a clearance from Dr. No Nonsense to move on with a donor, I’d let her know. That was Wednesday. She said she would wait for my email. I feel that this is no small miracle that this donor is still available. Usually donors get picked quickly. When I saw those words “You are cleared to proceed and identify your egg donor per Dr. No Nonsense” in my nurse’s email at the end of the work day on Thursday, I was so emotional. Wow. We have been not-so-patiently waiting for this moment, and here it is. We can finally proceed with the process. I notified a group of my very best real life, online, and blog friends, and enjoyed the little celebration that everyone was having with us individually.
I haven’t emailed the donor agency person yet. I want to really pray about it and have Bob look over the profile of this donor one more time before we say Yes. Plus I want to make sure that the in-house donor is still not reachable. The pros about the in-house donor is that she could probably start her cycle immediately without doing extra testing. Cycling with her would be a few thousand dollars cheaper than using an agency donor. However, if she is so flaky now, how do I trust that she’d follow through with all the appointments and testing? I really do like the agency donor, and every time I think about cycling with her, I feel at peace. So although it costs a few more thousands, and the timeline may be pushed back a couple of months, I still know that it is a good move. I just hope that my body will be cooperating. I have been on those birth control pills which cause me to bleed more than any other time. I thought that once you are on BCP, you don’t bleed. I bled for days, stopped for a few days, and am now currently bleeding again. I am not too thrilled about that. But I know that God has a plan for us. If that includes me bleeding so we can’t start the cycle until the bleeding is done, so be it. We have been waiting for so long. What is a couple more months, right?
So friends, looks like we are moving forward. This gives me chills! Our appointment to talk about treatment plans with Dr. NN is on July 27th. We shall see what he will say about all this.
Will keep you all posted. Thanks for all the good thoughts, prayers, and blessings you can send our way!