MicroblogMondays: Bob’s Misadventure

Microblog_Mondays

As required, Bob arrived at the clinic to give a sample for his semen analysis.  This is not the usual location, the one that he was used to.  Our clinic had moved.  The new fancy schmancy location is like a maze, not one with which he was familiar.  He checked in at the front desk with one of the ladies, who might have been a little embarrassed about the word “semen” because she just looked at the screen and said, “Oh you are here for… okay”.  He was asked to pay up, which surprised him because probably like many husbands, he didn’t listen to or remember his wife telling him that the cost is not covered by insurance because of the special analysis (strict morphology) required by this particular clinic.  A male lab technician came and led him to a room.  At the old clinic, he would usually just be left alone to do his business.  This time, this guy felt the need (or was told, maybe?) to show Bob around the room where he would produce a sample.  He explicitly told Bob where the towels, the DVDs, and the lubricant were.  Awkward…… Then he left.  Bob looked around.  He opened the cabinet door expecting to find “educational material” .  Uh oh.  NO educational material.  Although we often joked about how dated the magazines were and how infrequently the previous location replenished the supply, they were available to help male partners with the process.  This fancy schmancy new location doesn’t even provide any magazines, old or otherwise.  The only thing that was left in the room was those DVDs, which didn’t help because it is not Bob’s kind of thing.  He did look at the cover for giggles so that he could tell me what they were called.  It was volumes one to four of “Boo.ty Patrol” with this posted on the wall:

IMG_2557

Poor guy.  He didn’t have all the time in the world to get it done.  And he definitely did not want to watch any videos.  So he had to resort to his phone.  The sample room is right next to the embryology lab.  He could hear clinging and banging sounds from next door while he was concentrating on his mission.  He didn’t know what to search for at first, so it took him a few tries before he got the right combination of words to get something that was useful.  It really wasn’t easy for a guy like him who doesn’t look at these images online.

Awkward……

I wish that clinics could be a little more considerate when it comes to helping men achieve their goal.  Especially for those who don’t watch videos or enjoy online images.

Bob should get a gold star for completing this mission despite unexpected technical difficulty.

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20 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Bob’s Misadventure

  1. Bless him!! I remember when my husband had to go get his swimmers tested – it sounded like an absolute nightmare! Well done to him for getting the job done, poor guy! xx

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  2. This is hilarious! Poor Bob. You guys should give some constructive feedback on how important “educational material” is for some guys. But good for him on getting the job done, even under duress. Now he needs to go erase those cookies on his phone…

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  3. Poor guy! My husband also had an awkward experience when he gave his sample for our IVF. The remote and the TV headphones were MIA, so the volume was cranked. Hahaha I could hear it down the hall.

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  4. I’m going to be honest here- I don’t really feel bad for the guys in these situations (my husband has had hilarious stories as well). Sure it’s a little awkward, but really? Compared to what we have to go through? It’s a cakewalk.

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    • HA. I agree with you. We really have to do endure a lot more. Although, after all the heavy-duty topics that I wrote about recently, it was good to write something more light-hearted.

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  5. I think I’ve decided that semen analysis always have the funniest stories. When my husband did his, they made a big show of wiping down the chair with Clorox wipes. My husband thought that was gross, so he sat on the counter, which they hadn’t wiped down! I bet that’s what all the other men did too!

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  6. It really is terrible. We don’t have an RE so we’ve been using just a regular OB clinic that doesn’t even have a room. My poor hubby has to use the bathroom or a plain exam room. Poor guy was such a trooper about it.

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  7. That is both embarrassing and funny. I agree that they should have print materials available for men who don’t want to look at the internet or DVDs. I am cheering for Bob on both counts because I loathe porn! I am glad he got the job done. (Mr. Turtle always claimed he just looked at pictures of me. I don’t know if that is true or not but it was a sweet thing to say!)

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  8. I am totally LOLing at this. Poor Bob! Although I’m also with Non Sequitur Chica, this is nothing compared to daily dildo cams! Remind Bob how easy he has it, at least his part of IVF is kinda fun!!

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  9. You know, people always joke that men have it so easy in the process, but it’s stressful! And not titillating at all. I’m glad he was able to get it done.

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  10. Oh wow, that sounds awful! I’ve never heard of a place not having magazines. To each their own, right? How could you not provide different means to that end? And what if you’re an auditory person and need the volume on Boo.ty Patrol? I felt bad for Bob but giggled through this post.

    Also, I can’t imagine the pressure. My husband is a very private person and that was just horrific for him, every time–like your guy, he doesn’t normally look at this stuff. While the dildo cams are horrific and the physical violation of IVF and lack of privacy is the worst for us ladies, I feel like the pressure and possible humiliation of the “business room” is nothing to scoff at. I hope that’s all you need!

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  11. HAHAHA. This is funny. My sperm donor couldn’t do it at all after two trips. I was SO MAD that he couldn’t do this one stupid thing after all I went through. Turns out they let it sit for an hour anyway, so they prefer for it to be collected at home since we live so close.

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  12. I realise how lucky we were, where my husband could produce the sample at home, and drive it to the clinic. We timed them for Saturday morning, so there was no traffic, and I’d stay in bed, so he had his privacy. I have friends in the UK who did the same, or took their husband’s samples for them – stories of course of samples held under their armpits or down between the boobs, to keep them warm.

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  13. Pingback: Follow-Up Meeting with Dr. No Nonsense re: Frozen Eggs | In Quest of a Binky Moongee

  14. Pingback: Bob’s Two Jobs: Collection and PIO | In Quest of a Binky Moongee

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