So… I have been feeling things. I was exhausted yesterday. My right leg started to feel very tired at 11am. Then the fatigue expanded to my left leg at noon time. Whenever my legs are tired, it tells me that I am really tired. At our departmental meeting at 1pm, I was sitting in the chair with my head leaning back resting. I could really use a nap. I tried to power through the next few kids. I was yawning nonstop for my 4pm client. Good thing that kid is usually so oblivious to things around him that he did not pay attention to me doing anything. At 5pm, the thought of standing up in front of the stove making dinner made me feel sick. I was driving home and trying to figure out what I should get for take out. I made a short detour, pulled into the first parking spot I saw, and walked across the street into a Mediterranean fast food restaurant and bought a beef shawarma and a Mediterranean burger. Very thankful that they made it so quickly. When I walked into the house, I was so tired that my mom took a look at my face and asked if I was okay. I told her that I was just tired. I devoured my burger. She came and examined my face and asked, “Are you having your period?” I said no. Then she examined my face some more. Then she said, “Are you pregnant?” I shook my head. I still haven’t told my mom about the transfer and don’t plan on telling her anything until after beta. So I just shrugged and pretended that I didn’t hear her. My mother is smart. She is onto something. But I kept a straight face and fooled her. That was 7pm. I really wanted to do some work but I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I lay in bed and took a nap. I would have continued sleeping had I not had to go pick up Bob at 8:30.
It’s so very out of the ordinary for me to take a nap in the evening. I asked my secret Face.book friends if extreme exhaustion is a good sign or it is progesterone messing with me. I got an overwhelming response of it being a good sign. I still don’t want to read too much into it. Last night I went to bed and woke up four times in the middle of the night. When I woke up at 2am, it was also with a headache. I don’t know what is up with that. But apparently that could be a symptom too. One of my friends who just got pregnant with twins told me that her early symptoms this pregnancy were exactly the same as my current “symptoms”: extreme exhaustion, waking up in the middle of the night, and feeling of tugging on the abdominal area. I told her that I don’t recall having the same symptoms last year although I was on the same progesterone suppositories. She was so crazy and funny. She went through thousands of lines of chat to find out what I said last year. She later confirmed that I said I didn’t have any symptoms last year. So this transfer feels different. I was still tired at work today, especially at 2:30pm when I was writing a report. I couldn’t think straight. But I felt more energy in the evening and could even make dinner for myself and Bob.
A few of my friends have been asking me to pee on a stick. They are suggesting creative ways for them to see the sticks if I don’t want to see them, such as peeing on the stick, not to look at it, and FaceTime with them so they could see the result. Uh. No. If I peed on something, I don’t think I could refrain from looking. My friend Jo is the most convincing one. She thinks that a negative stick doesn’t mean a thing (coz it could still be positive in the future), but a positive stick would be a reason for early celebration. And then I could see the progression of the darkness of the lines. She tries and tries, but I just won’t budge. One of the reasons why I may want to test before beta is that I would want to know if I had a chemical pregnancy. So Jo doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to start testing at 10dpo (yesterday). At 10dpo, it would still be very possible to have a negative test even if there is a pregnancy. I just don’t want to put myself in that emotional state if the test came back stark white. Plus the thought of testing really makes me nervous. So I would rather wait for a few more days and decide. I did order three FRER which arrived yesterday. I was also gifted an extra FRER by my Dear Colleague. I have four in possession but I am not testing.
Am I being crazy? I am sure I am not imagining things. I do feel those things. But whether or not those are pregnancy symptoms, it’s hard to say. I am still quite calm and happy. God is giving me peace and calm and I am very thankful for that. I am still hopeful for a positive outcome. I still want to bask in the joy of the possibility and not knowing. I know I am driving my friends crazy for not peeing on a stick. But I have to do what I need to do to make myself sane. If I am pregnant, a positive pregnancy test will be a lot more likely on 14 and 15dpo than 10dpo, right? So I will wait.
Five more days before beta! Scary…..