A “Cyster” That I Hate

So… Another canceled cycle.  Another cyst.  Or maybe it’s an early recruited follicle.  Nobody knows.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  Tomorrow is Bob’s birthday.  We usually plan an out-of-town trip for Bob’s birthday because it often falls on a holiday weekend.  But because of the possibility of AF’s arrival, we didn’t plan a trip.  My period came at 12:45pm yesterday so I left a message with the answering service for the clinic to contact me for cycle day two appointment.  Bob and I went ahead with our 3pm Thai massage appointment.  I anticipated the clinic to have called me by then.  Nope.  No phone call.  No voicemail.  I called again at 5:30pm.  This time to the nurses station line but I was transferred to the answering service and was told that everyone would’ve left the clinic already.  The answering service lady said she would make sure that my message would get sent to the clinic.  I wasn’t too worried knowing that the clinic is always open on the weekend.  If I can’t get a hold of anyone, I can always show up and ask for an appointment.

Although I wasn’t too worried, it was still an uneasy feeling not being able to plan ahead.  This morning, I called the clinic main number and got the answering service again.  The lady put me on hold to try to connect to the clinic but no one picked up the phone.  About 30 minutes later, I called the nurses station again.  This time someone picked up.  I was told that they were still trying to confirm a couple of things with the doctor and would get back to me.  It took another phone call from me before I was contacted.  I had never had this much trouble getting an appointment on the weekend.  We were supposed to go ride a train today as part of Bob’s birthday celebration festivities.  However, Bob has been under the weather and is still recovering so he opted to take it easy.  Good thing he wanted to relax instead of wanting to go out.  Our 12:45pm appointment made it impossible for us to go anywhere far away.  The nurse on the phone said that the clinic did not get my message and apologized profusely for that.  I like it when people accept responsibility for their faults.  It makes it feel like they care.

We arrived early at 12:35.  No one was there to check anyone in.  I stood there for another ten minutes before someone came back to the front desk.  I was wondering if they would ask me to pay for the ultrasound scans from the previous cancelled cycle.  Nobody asked me for any money.  Phew. We waited for another 30 minutes before being seen.  First the nurse took my vitals.  I hated it that I had to weigh myself and my weight has gone up and up… my current weight is a whole ten pounds heavier than my last conventional IVF cycle one year ago.

Sitting on the table waiting for the doctor to come in, I told Bob that I really just wanted a cycle that is clear cut without any doubt that we can just proceed.  I guess no luck this time, again.  The doctor came in and was trying to find my ovaries.  I had a full bladder because I went to the bathroom right when I checked in and had to wait for a long time before they called me to the back.  She pressed on my right ovary and finally found it.  It was fine with one follicle.  Then she went to look at the left ovary.  She pressed and pressed.  There it was.  A big dark cycle.  A familiar sight that I just hate.  It was measured 19x15mm.  So approximately 17mm.  There was also another follicle on the left.  We went over my history talking about the previous cyst and how Dr. No Nonsense still asked me to take Letro.zole just to see.  So her game plan was that I should check my estradiol to get more information about this cyst-like thing.  Maybe I could still take Letro.zole depending on the result.  So yet again, I got my blood drawn.  I was told to go home and wait for the blood work result and the phone call.

I wasn’t too upset or anything.  At least not like the last time on January 1st when we saw that big cyst and learned that the cycle could be canceled.  I was very upset, went home, and cried like crazy.  This time, I was just a little numb.  Bob and I walked to the elevator and he said,

“You have a ‘cyster’  that is sticking closer to you than a brother.”  This is a reference to Proverbs 18:24, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

HAHAHA that totally cracked me up.  My husband is HILARIOUS.  I was laughing so hard in the elevator.  This journey can  really use some humor.

Just now, the same doctor who did the scan called.  She said that the estradiol level is 75.  For any level over 50, they typically would recommend canceling the cycle thinking that I may not respond to the meds.  She said that at this point, it’s hard to know if it’s a cyst or a lead follicle that I recruited way early in the last luteal phase.  Only time can tell.  She recommends doing estrogen priming again after the next ovulation so I don’t start recruiting follicles early.  I asked if I could still start a cycle after my cyst is resolved, because I do grow follicles after a cyst is resolved.  She said that it’s possible.  Just talk to Dr. NN’s care team.  Too bad it’s a holiday weekend so Dr. NN and his nurses won’t be back at work until Tuesday.

So yet another canceled cycle.  We’re in pretty good spirits.  At least I am not too down or crying like a mad woman.  Bob always said that there is a reason why we are delayed and this is a way to exercise our discipline.  But I am just a bit numb.  I just want to get started and I am so ready to get the transfer done.  Why can’t we just have a normal cycle like every other person on the planet?

My dear friend Jane Allen suggested Millicent, Harper, or Hilda for a cyst name.  Whatever its name is, I just want it to go away!  Is that too much to ask for?  UGH.  Or… If it’s not a cyst, but an early follicle, I just want my body to listen to me and STOP growing follicles early.

We just can’t catch a break, can we?  SIGH.

I really need God’s strength and patience for this in order for me to appreciate the big picture and not to get too hung up on the little annoying things that are called “cyst” or “early follicle recruitment”.

IVF #8 never seems to be able to take off.  Next month?  I don’t know.  I really really hope so.