A couple of weeks ago, a lady from my bible study group asked about my cycle. I gave her a brief history of my journey. She was sympathetic about my situation. She went on to tell me about one of her friends who also struggled with making a baby and tried IVF without success. Then of course she went on vacation. And of course she got pregnant on that trip. So of course the message is that, when you relax, you’ll get pregnant. Six months ago, I would’ve felt a bit negative about it, might have gotten a little offended, and might have said something not too nice about it. These days I don’t get offended anymore. I just told her how wonderful it is that her friend found success so unexpectedly. I did emphasize that it doesn’t happen to everyone. She said, maybe it’ll happen to you. And I responded sincerely that I surely hope so, but I am realistic about my chances. Then I left it at that. No hard feelings. No anger towards the platitude.
Last week at my 6:15am bootcamp class, I partnered with a lady who has been in the same class with me for the last three years. We were chatting while exercising. She told me that she’d stay home on Martin Luther King Jr.’s day because her kids were off from school. We chatted about her kids for a little and exclaimed how big they were getting. She of course asked us if we were planning on having kids. Six months ago, I would’ve said something generic like, Oh when the time comes or if we’re blessed enough. On that day, I decided to be open and told her that we’d been trying for three years and went through many rounds of treatment. I felt that it’s not a shameful thing and I have nothing to hide from her. She looked a tiny bit shocked but quickly recovered from it. Of course she then told me that her friend had treatment and had a baby. Then she went on to get pregnant naturally not once but twice after that. She said, That could happen to you! Again, I would’ve gotten annoyed in the past. Nowadays, I smile and say how wonderful it is that it happened for her friend. It sometimes does happen. But not all the time. She said that she believes it’ll happen for me. I thanked her and said, I hope so too!
I am quite happy that being annoyed by a well-intentioned person’s platitude is no longer a given in my life. I am slowly learning to embrace this journey and am truly okay with people telling me about their friends’ miracles, at the same time educating them that whatever miracles they tell me do not always happen to everyone.
I like being in this new state. Not bitter. Just wanting to engage and be okay with it. And also okay with talking about my journey without feeling the need to look for a reason or excuse for our childless state. I like this new attitude. I hope I can keep up with it.