MicroblogMondays: Attitude Towards Platitudes

Microblog_Mondays

A couple of weeks ago, a lady from my bible study group asked about my cycle.  I gave her a brief history of my journey.  She was sympathetic about my situation.  She went on to tell me about one of her friends who also struggled with making a baby and tried IVF without success.  Then of course she went on vacation.  And of course she got pregnant on that trip.  So of course the message is that, when you relax, you’ll get pregnant.  Six months ago, I would’ve felt a bit negative about it, might have gotten a little offended, and might have said something not too nice about it.  These days I don’t get offended anymore.  I just told her how wonderful it is that her friend found success so unexpectedly.  I did emphasize that it doesn’t happen to everyone.  She said, maybe it’ll happen to you.  And I responded sincerely that I surely hope so, but I am realistic about my chances.  Then I left it at that.  No hard feelings.  No anger towards the platitude.

Last week at my 6:15am bootcamp class, I partnered with a lady who has been in the same class with me for the last three years.  We were chatting while exercising.  She told me that she’d stay home on Martin Luther King Jr.’s day because her kids were off from school.  We chatted about her kids for a little and exclaimed how big they were getting.  She of course asked us if we were planning on having kids.  Six months ago, I would’ve said something generic like, Oh when the time comes or if we’re blessed enough.  On that day, I decided to be open and told her that we’d been trying for three years and went through many rounds of treatment.  I felt that it’s not a shameful thing and I have nothing to hide from her.  She looked a tiny bit shocked but quickly recovered from it.   Of course she then told me that her friend had treatment and had a baby.  Then she went on to get pregnant naturally not once but twice after that.  She said, That could happen to you!  Again, I would’ve gotten annoyed in the past.  Nowadays, I smile and say how wonderful it is that it happened for her friend.  It sometimes does happen.  But not all the time.  She said that she believes it’ll happen for me.  I thanked her and said, I hope so too!

I am quite happy that being annoyed by a well-intentioned person’s platitude is no longer a given in my life.  I am slowly learning to embrace this journey and am truly okay with people telling me about their friends’ miracles, at the same time educating them that whatever miracles they tell me do not always happen to everyone.

I like being in this new state.  Not bitter.  Just wanting to engage and be okay with it.  And also okay with talking about my journey without feeling the need to look for a reason or excuse for our childless state.  I like this new attitude.  I hope I can keep up with it.

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14 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Attitude Towards Platitudes

  1. Wow, I am so happy for you! That is a state of mind I never reached as I was always so bitter when people would tell me those success stories. Now, I do know that they happen (obviously ;)) BUT I also know that many times they do not happen and I wouldn’t want to give anyone false hope. So, I guess I still get annoyed by those stories but mostly because I want people to understand that it is awesome when things do work out that way but it is also possible that maybe they won’t. I am happy for you to be in such a healthy place right now. I am really inspired by how sweet and understanding you are towards people.

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  2. So glad you can feel this way, and with your sensitive redirecting of people’s comments hopefully next time they won’t say the wrong thing to someone else who isn’t able to bear it.

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  3. Congratulations on finding a bit of peace. I never got to that place while I was in the midst of it, and it took me a couple of years after we stopped trying altogether! Good for you, girl!

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  4. I’m glad you have such a zen attitude towards platitudes. I know they’re only trying to help, and I would – like you – say that I was very happy for their friends (because I am). But these days I feel the need to educate – and so I point out the medical impossibility or stats of my particular situation, or why it is so hard to “just adopt.”

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