There is Life!

In my ovaries, that is.

I had no expectation for the monitoring scan on Friday.  I hadn’t felt much of any cervical fluids until maybe Thursday night or Friday morning.  I didn’t know what I was going to see at the appointment.  I did have a fleeting fear that my ovaries would be asleep forever and nothing would grow for the rest of my life.  That’s really silly, I know.  But that was a fear that I had for a couple of days.

Imagine my surprise when the nurse practitioner found two follicles on the right ovary.  There was a 14mm and a small 8mm.  Remember this is my natural cycle as the Clo.mid failed to help grow any follicles.  So the follicles come totally from my body, not the meds.  I was surprised that two were visible.  Remember the last cycle we had an 18mm, and 12mm, and a 10mm.  So it seems like if we wait a little bit, the 8mm may actually grow bigger.  The NP reassured me that these weren’t cysts.  She could see some cervical fluid and the thickening lining meant that my estrogen was building up. The NP told me to make an appointment at the front desk for an ultrasound in two days.  She would talk to Dr. No Nonsense and give me a call regarding any instructions for additional medication.

I was out at the front desk making an appointment when the NP came back out and told me that Dr. NN did not want me to take anything.  Just return on Sunday for the scan and if the big follicle is up to 18mm or so, we’d trigger on Sunday night and retrieve on Tuesday.

I was so surprise that there was life in my ovaries!  I totally thought that the wait for the next step would be very long.  I am so grateful for the Lord to show me His power on my body even though I had very little trust.  Before the appointment, I wouldn’t never have imagined that we’d be talking about trigger and retrieval at the appointment!  I was utterly amazed at the turn of the event.

While I was making the appointment, Dr. NN walked into the front desk area.  He waved at me with a smile and pointed at his throat to indicate that he was sick and couldn’t talk.  So I continued with my conversation with the front desk lady when he walked by me and patted on my shoulder twice.  I don’t know.  From the high five to patting on my shoulder.  Dr. NN is more warm than he shows on his face.

Bob was so happy that something was growing!  And it’s okay if we only get one egg and hopefully one embryo.  But we also had hope that the smaller follicle would catch up.

Fast forward to today.  We went in at noon for an ultrasound.  The waiting room was filled with patients.  It did not even seem like a weekend clinic.  After 20 minutes, we got called in.  A real RE did the scan today.  The lining was 8mm and the follicles were immediately visible on the screen.  The bigger one measures 16mm today.  The smaller one measures 13mm!!!  Wow this tiny thing is showing its game and joining the party!  It’s no longer tiny.  I was very surprised that it grew 5mm in two days.  So the lesson is, don’t ever look down on these follicles.  They sometimes surprise you in the biggest way.

I mean, there is a chance that the smaller follicle doesn’t contain an egg.  But there is also a chance that it does.  And we may get two eggs after all without any meds.  Now that’d be the best case scenario for this cycle, which I didn’t dream of having two days ago!  We were told to return tomorrow for one more scan.  Most likely we’ll trigger tomorrow night and have a retrieval on Wednesday.

I am so thankful to be in this position to have hope again that we’ll make some embryos this time.  These past two weeks my patience has really been tested.  And my trust for the Lord has been tested too.  My head knowledge is that I know that the Lord has a plan. But sometimes I let my fear take over.  At this rate, we may retrieve on Wednesday.  If the next cycle progresses normally (meaning no cysts and no delay), we still won’t be able to do a fresh retrieval and transfer before December 21 (when the clinic closes for lab clean up and the move across town).  I can’t help but think that this is the Lord’s way of telling me to take a break from all the meds and start fresh all over again in the New Year’s.  And it’s not necessarily a bad thing.  After pumping myself with hormones for three straight months, it may be time to rest for real.

I really hope that this cycle will result in two more embryos so we can name them Kevin and Lucy.  🙂