Mystery Cycle

Friday was cycle day 17.  We had our fourth scan for this cycle. The three follicles that were visible on cycle day 8 and cycle day 12 were no longer there.  Instead, the nurse practitioner saw two antral follicles on the right side and not much on the left side.  We discussed about whether my FSH for this cycle was too high, hence my body did not get the signal that my ovaries needed to take action.  And the lining was not thick at all, which means that I will not have breakthrough bleeding any time soon.  Basically, my body has not gotten the message that, hey let’s grow a follicle.  It’s still waiting for that cue.

I wasn’t surprised at all, nor was I upset.  I expected this to be the outcome.  Anything can happen at this point.  My body may eventually get the message that we need to start growing a follicle, or my body just wants to shed the lining and start all over.  My NP and I discussed about the need to test my FSH.  I used to test my FSH level every single cycle when I was with Dr. E.  Ever since we switched to UCSF, the protocol doesn’t include testing of any of the hormones.  So I will have to pay extra out of pocket if we test the FSH level.  The NP would discuss with Dr. No Nonsense about the findings of my scan and let me know around lunch time.

It was so nice that Bob was there with me.  About half way through the scan, he extended his hand so I could hold it for the rest of my scan.  I love the silent support that he gave me during that time.

We arrived about ten minutes late as we should’ve left home at least five minutes earlier.  Parking was challenging and took another five minutes.  We checked in and just sat there for a long time while all the ladies in the waiting room got called in one by one.  I was getting a little impatient of the wait.  I was supposed to be seen at 8:15.  We checked in at 8:25.  I was still sitting there at 8:50.  My 9am client  was supposed to be waiting for me at work three blocks away from the clinic.  Good thing I knew that my 9am client’s mom would be okay with me being a little late, but it was still tough for me to sit there and wait.  I called my work and let them know that I would run a little late.  It was at that moment when I saw a lady walk in the clinic.  She was Chinese with long black hair.  I saw her face and I recognized her.  There was a lady that I met on an online forum who also cycles at UCSF.  We emailed each other several times and we almost met up once.  Her gmail messages included her little picture so I kind of knew what she looked like.  I quickly looked her up online on my phone and showed her picture to Bob. Bob wasn’t really sure if it was her.  So I watched her every move trying to figure out if this was really her.  It seemed like she had bumped into someone at the clinic unexpectedly and was excitedly catching up.  Then she checked in and sat down.  At 8:55, I walked to the counter and asked the check-in lady if my scan would be coming up soon since I had to be at work in five minutes.  The check-in lady consulted with the nurse and told me that I’d be seen in five minutes.  I walked past the Chinese lady and gathered up enough courage to go up to her and asked if she was so and so.  And she was!  I am so glad that I had enough guts to go up to a complete stranger and say Hi.  The worst that could happen would be that it wasn’t her.  No biggie.  But it was so much fun that it was her!  We quickly exchanged notes on where we were in our cycles and what she was doing there.  It was so nice to bump into her.  That was when she got called in (even before I did!).  Later I found that there was a chart mix-up as the nurses didn’t get my chart after I was checked in, so they didn’t know that I was sitting there waiting.  Had they seen me at a normal time, I would never have bumped into this online friend.  What a nice coincidence!

Anyhow, I was twenty minutes late for my first client of the day.  But it was okay.  When I got back to my office after my first therapy session, I saw that I had a missed call.  It was my nurse who called to let me know that Dr. No Nonsense wanted to schedule a scan for me next Friday.  I emailed her back and confirmed the time as well as to ask her about my conversation with the NP about checking my FSH.  My nurse responded saying that Dr. NN didn’t want me to do the FSH.  Just come in for a scan.  At lunch time, the NP called me as promised and repeated what Dr. NN said.  This time she explained in more details.  Basically my FSH is most likely high at this point so we’re just waiting for my body to rebound.  There is no need to check my FSH.  Hopefully somehow my body will get the message that it’s about time to grow a follicle and pop an egg.  The NP said that women with high FSH sometimes do not respond to Cl.omid but somehow would grow a couple of follicles on their in the later part of the cycle.  She said she just saw a patient like that earlier on that day.  I was thinking, hey she was talking about my online friend who I had bumped into!  She was trying to do an IUI after taking Cl.omid but it took a really long time for her to grow those follicles.  Now she was at 17mm and 9mm and was waiting for the instruction to trigger.  I hope that my ovaries do the same thing as hers and grow some juicy follicles.

I’m not going to lie.  The wait is tough at times.  I remember right before this cycle started, my fear was that we would have a cyst or AF would delay which would further delay my plan to retrieve in November and do a fresh transfer cycle in December.  I dismissed my fear at that time calling myself silly for worrying about something that had not even happened.  The good thing is, although it is sometimes difficult to wait, I am not depressed, down, or upset.  I am feeling at peace most of the time.  I carry on with my life daily without feeling anxious that things aren’t going my way.  This is truly a blessing to not to be constantly anxious or nervous.  This blessing can only come from God.  So I am thankful for that.  I sometimes think about my plan of transferring in December and I can’t help but think that it’s probably not going to happen.  That will  mark the end of the third year of our TTC years.  And when the transfer actually happens, it’ll most likely be some time in January or February, which marks one year since our last transfer.  When I think about that, sometimes the thoughts are depressing.  Then I have to remind myself of my motto: “Take it one day at a time” and not go too far ahead of myself.  Hopefully my body will solve this mystery very soon.

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14 thoughts on “Mystery Cycle

  1. I am so grateful that you are not agonizing over the hiccups and delays. Do you always have high FSH or does it fluctuate significantly? I ask because sometimes this can be a sign of immune issues for women who are not AMA (where higher FSH can be a function of diminishing OR with age).

    I hope the peace you have found continues. All the best in the coming week and at Friday’s scan.

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    • Yeah my diagnosis is diminished ovarian reserve with comes with high FSH and low AMH. I am 40 so I’m in the AMA category. I did consult with Dr. Braverman who said that I most likely have immune issues because of my endometriosis but I was so overwhelmed with information at the time that I didn’t continue pursuing testing and treatment with him. Thanks girl for your hope and well wishes!

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      • Hmn. I thought you were younger. This rings a bell now. Are you going to be on any immune protocol for your transfer cycle? I dont mean to push. I just want you to succeed and worry that without supports all your tremendous efforts could be for nought (speaking from experience). Of course we must all choose our own path and I certainly get feeling overwhelmed with the possibility of inmune issues on top of DOR and AMA. Hugs, honey.

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  2. That is so fun that you ran into your friend! I admire your strength and your patience! You are amazing! I hope your scan on Friday goes well and that you continue to feel peace as you work towards your transfer.

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  3. Wow, I didn’t know that about the FSH and cl.omid not working together. I’m glad that you are still doing so well emotionally with this though. I know the delays are hard. I hope this whole cycle moves along well now. 🙂

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  4. That’s great that you ran into your friend in the waiting room–I’m always curious if someone I’m sitting in the waiting room with might be a fellow blogger.

    The waiting can be tough, but I agree with Jane, that sometimes our bodies just need a break. Hang in there hon!

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  5. You are so strong and have such grace in handling this cycle. I’m hoping that your body just needs a bit of a break and you will be on your way to the next round and a transfer very soon!

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  6. I’m still so hopeful that your ovaries are going make this happen on their own and you’ll get a good egg this cycle, but I’m glad you’re feeling okay no matter what happens. It really is impossible to control any of this, but I truly believe your take home baby is coming soon.

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  7. Sorry this cycle is messing with your head (and your plans) so much. Sometimes it just seems like our bodies never cooperate! I’m so glad you’re managing to keep you cool about it though.

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