Today is cycle day 8, which means we had our first scan after five days of Cl.omid. The results: 12mm on the right, 7mm, 7mm, 7mm on the left. Lining was 6mm.
Compared to last cycle, the progression looked similar as we had a 14mm, 11mm, 9mm, and 9mm. So I thought we were all good to go with four measurable follicles that we could work with. I was a bit nervous going in and I was glad that there were four, although the left ones are a bit small.
Dr. No Nonsense called me personally. His prognosis for this cycle is not as optimistic as I had hoped. First thing he said was that we had only one follicle. I questioned that and asked about the three on the left. His idea is that this cycle is different from the last one. The three on the left are quite small. They may or may not catch up. And it does not help right now to give them a boost because they are too small to work with.
He asked, “Are you going to proceed with the cycle or do you want to cancel?”
I honestly can’t answer that question.
The current plan is to wait for the next scan which will happen in two days. We will take a look at the follicles and see if the smaller ones decide to pick up the pace. I know that Dr. No Nonsense knows a lot more about these cycles than I do. So if he thinks that those three little ones are too small to catch up, he’s probably right. But I have to think that God knows everything that the doctor doesn’t know. If it’s in God’s will for these little ones to catch up, then they will catch up.
Nevertheless, I was feeling quite disappointed when I got the news. I thought that we were good to go just like last time.
I remember what my therapist told me. To get over negative emotions, change what I do. I got up, walked outside to the warm sun, and got an iced coffee from Sta.rbucks. On my way there, I prayed for peace and wisdom for the next step. And I prayed for God to allow those three follicles to grow if that’s His will.
I feel so much better now. I am still slightly disappointed, which I think is normal.
I am sure if we only had one follicle and one embryo last cycle, I would’ve proceeded with it without being disappointed. All along our goal has been to have one good egg and one good embryo. This perspective changed after a very successful cycle last time. Once you have tasted success, it’s hard to settle for mediocrity. However, is one follicle really mediocre? I have to ask myself that question. What is my goal here? Do I aim at one good egg and one good embryo or as many eggs/embryos as possible? If I believe that God has already planned a perfect number of eggs and a perfect number of embryos for us, I have to act on that confidence and faith rather than wavering.
I will discuss with Bob tonight about the next steps and figure out what we’re comfortable with. I am so happy with Bob as my life partner. He’s not disappointed. He’s my rock when I need comfort the most. He reacted in such an encouraging way that I am so grateful having him by my side with these decision making moments.
May the will of the Lord be done.