MicroblogMondays: Baby’s Hair – A Genetic Link


I signed up to deliver dinner to Anna, my infertile friend who just gave birth to her newborn baby.  Let me just say that a lot of courage was needed to click on the link and put my name down.  I love her dearly but the sight of her nursery, the dimmed lighting in the living room, Anna’s hands that kept rubbing her postpartum belly, and her description of the painful labor were a little too much for me.  Baby was sleeping tranquilly.  I commented on the abundance of his dark hair.  Anna exclaimed at her surprise of his dark hair because both she and her husband were born bald and later on grew blonde hair.  I couldn’t help but wonder if I would feel the loss of the privilege of making such a comment in the future if my children are conceived with donor gametes.

Maybe by then I’ll just feel so lucky to have a baby that it doesn’t matter anymore.

(Want to participate in MicroblogMondays?  Go to Mel’s post.)


13 thoughts on “MicroblogMondays: Baby’s Hair – A Genetic Link

  1. Great question, Isabelle. I guess it’s hard to know unless you’re there, and based on all I’ve read, maybe it’s both. But maybe you won’t have to find out 🙂


  2. You are so courageous to visit Anna. It just have been extremely difficult for you. My SIL just announced that one of her friends got pregnant accidentally, and they’re not nearly in a position to have a child. All I can say is UGH!


  3. I have these exact thoughts… I agree with Kimberly… I imagine that there has to be a lot of grieving for the loss of our own genetic children to get to the other side where we are accepting and embracing of doing it differently.


  4. Good for you! Taking food to new moms is tough to do.
    I know it would be hard sometimes to explain why your baby looks different (people will ask, I’m sure) but you’ll love that little one more than enough to put up with rude people. 🙂


  5. I find that people see what they want to see… You would likely pick a donor that is “reminiscent” of you in some way, be it hair colour, features, personality or something less tangible.

    When I was growing up everyone used to say “I can tell you’re D’s daughter… Just look at your hair”… But my Mum’s hair was dyed and naturally a very different colour to mine.

    If you do go down the donor route, there will always be things you can say that your child got “from your side of the family”. Personality traits, mannerisms… So many things.

    I think you’re tremendously brave for visiting and helping your friend. You are such a good person and great things await you… I just know it xxx


  6. It was very generous of you to visit your friend. I truly don’t think I could have in the past. As a donor-egg-mom-to-be, I just shrug off the comments when people say “oh I wonder if the babies will have XYZ” because I know whatever they have, it won’t be from me. It doesn’t bother me most of the time. The only time I get slightly annoyed is actually on other IF boards I’m on where people say “what do you hope your baby gets from you”— I feel like IF people should “know” that no everyone was successful with their OE or sperm…


  7. Good for you! That is such a hard thing to do but you did it 🙂 That’s a huge accomplishment and I know you kicked the devil in the death by going 🙂 Also, I’m believing that you won’t need donor eggs 🙂 God is our healer and believing in your healing today 🙂 xoxo


  8. Pingback: MicroblogMondays: So Lucky | In Quest of a Binky Moongee

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