Pregnancy at Work

I have been lucky.  The last person who got pregnant and gave birth was my Dear Colleague, one of my best friends at work.  And it was two and a half years ago.  That was when we just started trying to conceive.  Since we’re such good friends, her pregnancy was an okay event.  Ever since then, no one at work has ever gotten pregnant.  Our office is filled with singles, married people who are done with kids, or married people who seem like they don’t want kids.  I have enjoyed a very safe period of time during this whole roller coaster ride of TTC and IVF journey.

About eight months ago, I mentioned about a coworker who got engaged after a long term dating relationship.  My very first thought was that she would start trying right after her wedding and would get pregnant immediately.  I called myself silly at the time for having that as my first thought.  Then I consoled myself and thought, well, it’s okay for her to get pregnant since she works for another department and historically I don’t get to see her much if I don’t walk over to her side of the hall or have lunch in the lunch room.  I thought to myself that I can survive having an “instapreg” (coined by my dear friend M) at work if I don’t have regular contact with her.

What a naive thought.  My immediate boss, the clinical director for all professional services, quit her job about a month ago and left in the beginning of this month.  And guess who took over her role?  Yup.  My engaged coworker.  We have departmental meeting every other week.  So it means that I will see my new boss regularly.  So then… I consoled myself again and thought, hey maybe she won’t be trying to get pregnant right away because she just got promoted and would want to focus some of her effort in this new role.  My Dear Colleague has a way of getting information from anybody that she gets to talk with.  So she got the scoop on this new boss’ intention and confirmed that New Boss will start trying to have a baby right after her wedding in late October.

Great.  If she gets pregnant in the next few months, then I’ll have to endure a growing belly in the next year or so.  Maybe I can handle it… but the anticipation is sort of killing me.  I have just enjoyed so much to be free of sights of pregnant coworkers.  I mean, I did and still do have a few clients’ moms who are pregnant.  But… I got over these pregnancies fast.  And I don’t really personally know them much so it’s okay to see them weekly.

My Dear Colleague also told me that another coworker of ours who got married a couple of years ago started trying to conceive about six months ago.  She hasn’t been successful yet.  I have been dreading her news.  Suddenly she announced that she was quitting her job here and would move onto building a private practice.  Her last day was today.  We had a potluck for her yesterday.  I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to bear waiting for her pregnancy news.  My Dear Colleague, the one who knows everything about everyone, broke news to me that another coworker is 16 weeks pregnancy.  What???  I thought I was safe.  This is a new coworker who joined us a few months ago.  I don’t recall her being married.  She is apparently having a baby with her boyfriend.  Dear Colleague also broke the news to me that this coworker is deciding between two girl names.  One of the girl names is the exact name that I will give to my boy in the future.  WTH???  First of all, this is a boy name.  BOY NAME.  Why in the world would anyone give a boy name to a girl?  And second, give me a break.  This is NOT a common name.  Out of so many names in the whole wide world, she wants to name her GIRL the one BOY NAME I have chosen for my baby boy.  My lovely Dear Colleague was trying to steer her away from giving that name to the baby and kept on praising the other choice.  I hope her tactic works.  But even if she does give the baby MY NAME, I would still name my boy the same name.  I don’t care.  And the good thing is I don’t see this coworker much so I can avoid seeing a growing bump if I want to.

I think I have a problem.  Maybe this is something I ought to bring up with my therapist.  *sigh*

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19 thoughts on “Pregnancy at Work

  1. “You Bitch!” One of my favourite episodes of Sex and the City is the one from the first season where the gals travel to Connecticut for a friends baby shower and Charlotte discovered her intentions to use her baby name. Even though Samantha probably thinks Charlotte is being ridiculous, she was there to defend her friend. I remember thinking, that’s the type of friends who I want in to have in my life. Although you are not being ridiculous, I will “YOU BITCH!!!” her for you!

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  2. This is painful and I know how annoying it is when you fear bumps will be growing everywhere around you. That being said, when I went through a phase like this I talked about it with my therapist. Unfortunately (fortunately?) we can’t stop the whole world around us from conceiving and having babies, so it would be good if your therapist could help you better live with it.. good luck! xx

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  3. At my old work – someone was always pregnant. My problem was keeping my mouth shut when one of the women continued to eat junk food and drink Mountain Dews in front of me. (It didn’t help that she got pregnant on a 3rd date – talk about not having to try…) I made baby blankets for all three babies born during my two years there – and it was therapeutic – difficult at first, but helped me let go some of my own feelings and be happy for them and their families. I know this is so hard – you are doing a good job of dealing with all of it. Hugs

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    • So I saw this newly pregnant coworker in the lunch room the other day. I couldn’t bring myself to say hi to her. And guess what she was eating? Instant noodles for lunch. Instant noodles!! I usually do not judge people for what they eat. But come on, there is a baby growing inside and the best you can do is instant noodles? Yes I guess I am judging….

      You’re a much bigger person than I am… I doubt that I would make any baby blankets for anyone even if I could sew…

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      • Ack! The sodium content alone in Instant Noodles, oy vey. I was horrible at keeping my mouth shut and would say things like, “Are you sure you should be eating that? ” I was bad though for a couple weeks during our own move and I am sure strangers were judging me.

        It is so difficult to go through this and still have to interact with the world around us – the pregnant women at work or in the grocery store, etc. I may have made gifts, but I still could never go to a baby shower.

        Forever hopeful for you ❤

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  4. Oh Isabelle. I hate when this happens. When I moved from DC to NC, the whole pregnancy at work environment changed. In DC, no one was ever pregnancy. But now, of my two closest friends at my new job, one had a baby in April and the other is about 25 weeks pregnant. And EVERYONE keeps saying I’m next. In the midst of my miscarriage. It’s so hard to deal with these landmines. I usually need a day or two to feel stunned and sad, then I just remind myself that it’s not a zero sum game, it will be me eventually. But it’s so hard. Good luck hon! xoxo.

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    • I totally have to eat my words. The number of pregnancies have reach a critical mass, so I’m just annoyed, mad and feeling sorry for myself every day. Hope you’re hanging in there and that nasty ursula is gone!

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  5. Someone just recommended a song I like on YouTube which is available for purchase on iTunes. Despite the fact that I like the song and would happy have purchased it, I’m not going to because the lead singer is pregnant.

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  6. I was surrounded by preggos for a while at work, then when they all had their babies and went off on leave I felt relief…until they all started showing up at the office randomly to show off their new babies! I always used to hide when I heard the sound of a baby crying down the hall. Whatever happens I know you’ll navigate the baby minefield at work with grace.

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  7. Oh it’s so hard 😦 it’s really not easy. I’m sorry about the name too. My SIL has nabbed one of my all time favourite names ever, including the middle name! I hope your therapist can come up with some technique to help you navigate the world of bumps at work x

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  8. Bleah, I hear you about the anticipation/dread of pregnancy announcements. All the wondering-why-some-have-it-so-easy can also bring up painful feelings about IF that we (sometimes) succeed in burying or at least ignoring. I think it would be a great thing to bring up with your therapist. Wishing you grace and peace of mind!

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  9. Oh I am so sorry girlie!! I know it’s not easy but hold on to the promise that God also has big plans in store for you and hopefully soon you will be flashing a growing baby bump too 🙂 xo

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  10. I love the “instapreg” term! That is going to be used from now on! It sucks seeing people at work get pregnant so easily and then you have to interact and deal with them. There was one lady at my job who got pregnant the same time frame that I did IVF. It sucked hearing her talk about finding out the sex of the baby and just having those reminders. I hope that coworker doesn’t use your name! t hope you will be getting pregnant soon and then you can enjoy your growing belly!

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  11. Pregnant coworkers are the worst ( love the phrase instapreg btw!) Ugh I’m sorry honey. Don’t feel bad or crazy, I’m exactly the same…I’ve had 5 pregs coworkers since ttc and my company only has 22 people in it! Sending strength xx

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  12. Just echoing everyone…it’s hard not to feel guilty, I know, I still do for lots of this kind of stuff, but I’m glad you’re hearing from everyone how completely normal you are and that you owe nothing to anyone. It’s a minefield. Thank you for continuing to show me support even though I’m sure my blog posts can be a minefield, too. It just sucks how *long* it takes to get to baby!! But you will, and I will dance when you do.

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  13. I worry all the time about pregnancy announcements as well. I’m not working in an office anymore so I don’t have to worry about co-workers now, but it is still a struggle with family and friends. Ugh – this journey just sucks sometimes. Hugs!

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