All These Weddings

So… What does a woman who struggles to get pregnant think about when her friend is engaged?  

I don’t know about you.  Lately the first thing I think about is, I hope she doesn’t try to conceive right away.

So why does it have to be always about me?  I don’t know… because I am selfish?  But I can’t help myself.  This is a brand new thing though.  I didn’t have the same thought last year.  Oh maybe because we were knee deep into our fertility treatment last year that we didn’t pay attention to other people.  This year, I have some room in my head to think about others, especially those friends who are getting married.

So here is the list:

One wedding in mid-April before our overseas trip.  The bride is 38.  I am quite sure she will try for a baby very soon.

Another wedding is in end of April.  The groom is my friend and has expressed concerns of trying for a baby “so late”.  He is 30 and the bride is 33.

Yet another wedding we’ll try to attend in another state.  That one is in June.  The bride, my friend, is in her early 30s.

Finally, my coworker who got engaged over Christmas and will get married in October.  I have heard her say multiple times that she can’t wait to have a baby.

I don’t wish this struggle on anybody.  Really.  But I, for obvious selfish reasons, do not want any of these friends to try to conceive right after they get married.  I don’t want them to struggle, but I don’t want to deal with the pain of yet another pregnancy announcement so quickly after a wedding.  The best solution for me, admittedly and shamefully selfish, is for them to enjoy their newly married life for a little while before they try for a baby.

And hopefully by then, I will be rubbing my own big belly while saying congratulations to them.  

Not too much to ask for??


9 thoughts on “All These Weddings

  1. I can so relate to this, so if it is selfish, you aren’t the only selfish one 😉 At one point I made it a point to distance myself from some newly married friends as I expected them to be making announcements soon after their weddings. I think I have gotten a little better (at times), but I still know what you are feeling. I do hope you are rubbing your big belly SOON while you are congratulating them.


  2. I understand this 100%. I had these feelings a billion times over. I don’t actually think its selfish so much as just not wanting to be hurt again and again. Perfectly understandable in my opinion.


  3. Same thoughts, same reasons. It still stings a little even after having a baby. My sister-in-law just got engaged so I’ve tried to advise her about enjoying married life but not waiting too long to start trying, in case they have trouble too. Will it hurt if she gets pregnant right away? Probably. But I have a year before that’s a danger. 🙂


  4. I have the same thoughts. It is the reason we came back to pursue donor eggs again last fall. DH’s cousin got engaged and my first thought was “oh god, she’ll be pregnant within a year and how am I going to endure this? I’ll have to skip all family functions…” We got a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday… It totally makes me anxious.


  5. Bahaha, I think the same thoughts too. I feel a kind of generalized disillusionment/resentment (depending on my mood) of the whole concept that people (which means SOME people) have a choice when to have a baby or not, when for others there isn’t a a choice, not really. IFfers can “choose to try” but that doesn’t mean the same thing as “choose to have a baby,” at all, because the baby may or may not follow the trying.


  6. I know exactly how you feel… My husband’s brother is getting married the end of April, and I feel exactly the same way about them. Like they are going to beat us to having the first grandchild. It sounds silly, but the feeling is so real to me. And no, I don’t wish this on anyone, but I do wish for understanding, for them to get what I’m going through.


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