I was going to write a long post. I lost steam after starting it. So… I am just going to say that, tomorrow is the first beta day. I had been doing quite well until this morning. I wiped and saw the slightest hint of pink on the toilet paper. That pink sent me to a place of great fear. Maybe deep down I don’t believe that it’s going to work. We had very good distractions throughout the weekend. We had Valentine’s Day dinner and Bob’s birthday celebration. I thought that I was doing great with keeping my emotions in check. Then I lost it this morning. I cried because I felt doomed. Nice to have hubby by my side. He gently stroked my face and head and let me cry. I was tempted to test with second morning urine… but then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bear to see one pink line. So I didn’t do it. I doubt that I will test before going in for the blood draw tomorrow. The appointment is at 7:45am. I’m sure I’ll be highly distracted all morning tomorrow until I get the result. I am preparing myself for a negative result. I know some may say that I should keep being positive. It’s tough when you’ve experienced so much pain after so long. What makes this cycle any different? Then I read Caroline’s post. I’m once again reminded that fear does not come from the Lord. Thanks Caroline. So here I am on the eve of first beta… Hoping for the best. Bracing ourselves for the news that we don’t want to hear.