More Than One

First off, my heart is aching for two blog friends who received devastating news with their beta test results.  If you have a moment, and haven’t already done so, please go give Aramis and Wilhc121 some comfort and hugs.  😦

*****

I guess the 14.5er on Monday caught up?  We have two eggs.

I was feeling very calm all day.  It showed in my blood pressure.  Unlike the last two times, it was back to normal today.  I woke up feeling at peace, calm, and happy.  When I put on those Wonder Woman socks, I thought about the love and support this community has given me.  It totally warmed my heart at 6:45 am.  

Bob and I left an hour and 15 minutes before the appointment.  I constantly checked Google Maps for the different routes that we could take.  We finally decided on a new route that was recommended by the Maps because of the back up that was shown in two usual routes.  It was on a back road that was quite pleasant to travel on in the morning.  We got there in exactly an hour.  The nurse who took care of me was the same nurse the last two times.  We all knew the drill, except that I totally forgot to take off my underwear.  When the nurse came back to see if I had any sores or bruises, I showed her my tiny little bruises on my tummy.  She then said, Honey your undergarment has to come off.  Cued embarrassing smile.  Imagine going in the OR and Dr. E had to take off my underpants first.  

I swear that I wasn’t totally out during the whole procedure.  Everybody was noticing and complimenting on my lucky socks.  So we started talking about how Wonder Woman still looked good, what her real name was, and things like that.  Then I felt like I was out but then I could hear people talking.  Maybe I was hallucinating.  I was awake when they wheeled me out of the OR.  At the door, I think I saw Dr. E and she told me that we got two eggs.  And I was saying in my groggy state that I could hear “everything” they were saying.  And then I said, Oh that’s good.  One more than what we had expected.

Every single time I was in recovery, there would be another woman next to my bed, separated from me by a curtain, and was told by their RE that they had an amazing amount of follicles or eggs.  This time was no different.  When I was still trying to get over my grogginess, the lady next door was told by her doctor that her response was excellent and they expected to see many eggs.  The last two times I was super bugged by that.  This time not so much so.  Somehow I feel that I have my own journey, I have accepted that I won’t get too many eggs, and I will mind my own business.  That really helps with putting my heart in the right place.

Another difference is that I didn’t recover right away like the last two times.  I had to sip liquid slowly so that I didn’t have the nauseating feeling.  Yesterday I had a slight headache going into work.  The headache was getting progressively worse.  At 3:50pm, I quickly went and got the Cetrotide and all the other supplies and locked myself in my therapy room to do the shot.  Finally did the shot at 4:01pm.  All of a sudden, my head was exploding and I started feeling nauseous.  I rested for five minutes and went and got my therapy kid.  The mom saw how I looked and insisted on leaving me alone and canceling the session. She said, Go home and rest.  So they left, and I went on to become violently ill for about an hour.  I felt like something was stuck in my stomach and had to go puke (sorry TMI) in the bathroom three times.  I couldn’t even open my eyes or look at the computer screen as my head was hurting so much.  One hour later, I was feeling much better.  In fact, when I arrived at my acupuncture appointment, my pulse showed that my qi was flowing, which indicated that there was no pain inside me.  What a weird experience.  The whole time, my thought was, Oh No don’t let me get sick the day before egg retrieval.  Praise the Lord that I was fine and dandy the rest of the evening and today.  Somehow today at recovery, it took me quite some time to feel back to normal.  It could have something to do with the sudden illness yesterday.

My acupuncturist also taped three dots on three points on my right ear that represent the Uterus, the Life Gate, and the Kidney.  She told me to press on them once in a while to help with the retrieval and eventually the transfer.

I didn’t get to see Dr. E afterward.  Bob came back from giving his contribution.  He grinned and said that the educational materials have been renewed.  HAHAHA.

I just took a very long nap.  My dreams were full of images of the eggs fertilizing and then the eggs not fertilizing.  

*****

On Monday in my Bible Study discussion group, I opened up and finally shared about our fertility journey and our current treatment after hearing one of the ladies sharing about her struggles with a surprise pregnancy out of wedlock five years ago.  She said she cried every single day until two days before she gave birth, not understanding the purpose of it.  And now she can see what a blessing her little daughter is.  Seeing how she was willing to be vulnerable, I shared about the opposite end of a heartache, the heartaches of not being able to get pregnant and not having embryos that would survive in our IVF cycles.  Yesterday I received an email from one of the group ladies that is my age and is currently about 6 months pregnant.  She wrote:

“Thank you for sharing your personal struggle with the group yesterday. God has really placed you on my heart recently and now I know why. My husband and I also struggled with infertility with no real diagnosis, “unexplained infertility”.  And after our second cycle of IVF, God has blessed us with this pregnancy. As I shared with my close friends and last year’s Bible Study group, it was the most painful waiting period of my life. This process completely stretched my faith and patience as I went through all the emotions, from being angry and feeling unloved by God to complete surrender and humility and like you, peace. Looking back now, I am reminded of God’s faithfulness and just the feeling of joy because I am able to appreciate this gift so much more and I am blessed to be able to connect with other women who are going through this. No one really knows all the emotions and physical pain you go through unless you’ve been through it. I kept reminding myself to just continue to trust in the One who creates all life and His perfect timing because nothing is impossible with God.  So, I will be praying for you this Wednesday for an appropriate response to the meds and for a successful retrieval and transfer! You’re a pro by now, but remember to get lots of rest and, for me, after the second transfer, I ate pineapple core and brazil nuts for the bromelain, which supposedly helps with implantation.”

I am so grateful that she reached out.  Because of her and her pregnancy, I started to pray for an open heart and peace.  I didn’t want my jealousy to take over and consume me.  And here I am, in a pretty good place emotionally.  It shows you that you can never judge a book by its cover.  You just won’t know who had struggled with infertility or not just by looking at their belly.  I am really happy for her that she’s on the other side now.  

*****

First fertilization report tomorrow.  Gulp.

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15 thoughts on “More Than One

  1. I’m so glad you and this woman was able to share stories! I’m very passionate about opening up and sharing our journeys in order to help others and also get encouragement ourselves. Blogging is great, but there is nothing like walking by a friend in Walmart or church and having them smile and say, “I’m praying for you” as they pass on. It’s so comforting. I would never have these experiences if I had never opened up. I’m praying for you and I can’t wait to hear the report 🙂 hugs!

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  2. So so so cool that you opened up! I think that is what the Lord loves – us to walk on our journeys with others. Just like He did with the 12 disciples 🙂 Excited to hear about the report tomorrow!

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  3. I am so happy that you got 2 eggs 🙂 And I really like what you said about acknowledging that you are on your own journey. Making comparisons just makes everything that much more difficult on ourselves and so I am super glad that you felt at peace this time 🙂

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  4. Oh this all sounds like wonderful news. God is so good. I’m praying that your support only builds through this cycle, you remain calm, and are holding a baby by Christmas 🙂 hugs!

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  5. I’m so very happy for you, hun- not just for the two eggs, but for the fact that you have come to a place of peace. Sending lots of love, and looking forward to hearing some good new on the fertilization front!

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  6. yay for two eggs! Fingers crossed for continued good news and awesome story about sharing your struggle. I did the same on Facebook (I’m just very public) and had a couple others respond with something similar.

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  7. Wow, lady, this is really a great post. And these folks on the other side, they do give us hope and they do put things in perspective. I am really, really praying for this one (hopefully to be two now I guess!) and am thinking of you and your hubby. Heart you!!

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