Tomorrow is the day. First follicle check. Two months ago was the first follicle check for the last cycle. Only one follicle grew. I can grow one follicle on my own. No need to use drugs. Tomorrow will be the first of many hurdles of this making-a-baby project IVF #4. Yesterday, Bob and I had a brief discussion about the outcome of tomorrow’s scan. What if we have only two follicles? Yes we’ll proceed with egg retrieval. What if we have three follicles or more? We’ll do a very happy dance. What if we only have one follicle? …… Hm……
Yup that’s the big dilemma. What if history repeats itself that with four vials of Menopur, my ovaries manage to produce only one follicle? Do we or do we not go ahead to make that choice of egg retrieval? One egg could still grow to be the golden egg. One egg could still make a good embryo. One egg could still be worth it. With the lab’s help to put the sperm in the egg and break that hard old egg shell, it could be beneficial to proceed with it. It’s just a very very expensive experiment. Although we have not made the payment to Dr. E’s clinic, Bob has already transferred the money to my account a long time ago for this cycle. So to him, out of sight is out of mind. To him, the money has already been spent. I do not know how I feel about that. If we don’t go through with the egg retrieval, we’ll spend over $4000 to transfer Clay, our frozen. So that’s a difference between over $12000 and over $4000.
It’s pretty obvious that this is on my mind on the eve of the first follicle check. I feel calm, as in, what’s going to be worse than the last cycle when we converted the IVF to IUI? Nothing is going to be worse than a cancelled cycle. Since I’ve already experienced the worse, I think I am good to go. The only difference is that I will be going in from work instead of having Bob by my side. So if I need a shoulder to cry on, I have to go all the way back to work and hold it all together until our dinner date tomorrow night.
I have rallied many of my friends and family to pray for us, particularly for a good number of follicles, good eggs, and for Clay to thaw well. And most important of all, for peace, strength, and total submission to God’s plan and purpose. Keeping the hope alive here.