Today has been an interesting day.
One of my clients came in for his speech therapy as usual. We went into the therapy room. Before his mom exited the room to let him work with me, she apologized and said, “I am so so sorry that we haven’t practiced the words that you gave us last week. I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks last week and had to have a D & E.” I was so shocked and felt heart broken for her. “Don’t even apologize for such a thing! I am so sorry for your loss.” I went and gave her a hug and started tearing up for her. She teared up as well. I cannot even begin to fathom what she has gone through in the last two weeks. We got ourselves together and I went on with my session with the boy.
When we were done with the session, the mom and I started chatting about her miscarriage. She and her husband had gone into get her 19 week ultrasound with the kids so that they could all find out the sex of the baby. It was at that appointment when they discovered that the baby boy had no heartbeat. She was so shocked. She gets pregnant easily and things usually go easily for her at all of her pregnancies. She had no symptoms. She didn’t even look pregnant. And just like that, the baby was gone. I really don’t wish anything like this upon anybody. Although she is a fertile person, I really wouldn’t have wanted this to have happened to her. I probably would fake a smile or two and be bitter for a day or two when I finally discovered about her pregnancy had it not gone this route. I really didn’t want to find out about her pregnancy this way. My heart was sad and heavy.
I also shared my journey with her. She actually understood what I had gone through since one of her best friends who is in her late 30s as well went through IVF twice and got two sets of twins. Anyhow, I didn’t expect to have a special bonding time with this mom going into work today. I hope that giving her a chance to talk about it somehow helps to heal her heart a bit.
After that happened in the morning, I went about my usual business in the afternoon. My infertile pregnant friend sent me messages on Gchat. She has gone back to work since Monday and she has been feeling sleepy. I told her to hang in there. She told me that she has 16 more weeks to go. It’s fine. I just went on my business. She then asked me questions about my cycles and clinic choices. I stalled for a bit and didn’t respond until later in the afternoon.
me: Insurance pays for whatever services they billed. so we probably have money for the transfer. We don’t know yet. One round at a time
Her: Don’t worry, things will work out
I don’t know. That just didn’t bode well with me today. First of all, in nowhere did I say that I was worried. And really? She knows that things will work out? How? Is she a prophet? I at first didn’t say anything. Then I thought that maybe this would be a good chance for me to say something so she doesn’t mindlessly offer her platitude repeatedly.
me: I know you mean well, but you don’t know if things will work out. I may never have a child or I may. You don’t know and I don’t know. I just try my best to do what I can. The rest is not up to me. But thanks for asking.
Radio silence on her side.
Maybe I will lose this friendship. Maybe she is offended. Maybe I am petty. I just feel the need to say something to her finally. If she had said that she hoped that things would work out, I’d take that. But that was not how she put it. My hubby was saying that I could say that to her, but I also have to prepare for others who make mindless suggestions and comments and I can’t possibly speak to every single one of them this way. I hope that infertile pregnant friend is right, that things will work out in the end. I do not wish to prove her wrong. I would LOVE for her to be right. But what she said really doesn’t help me in this situation.
Now I think about it… Isn’t it interesting that I had a bonding time with a fertile person over an unfortunate event and a disconnect and maybe even a loss of friendship with an infertile pregnant person?