A thing or two about my family

Hi everyone!  It’s been a while since I wrote a post.  Time just flies ever since the Fall began.  I can’t believe that we are approaching Halloween already.  Soon it will be Thanksgiving and then Christmas……

My cousin’s wedding was lovely.  It was a perfect courtyard ceremony at a winery followed by a cocktail hour and a reception at the Cellar Room.  It was just the bride, the groom, and the officiant.  No wedding party.  Simple ceremony with a simple message.  The bride looked stunning, very much in love, and was totally radiant.  My poor cousin looked very tired.  It must have been overwhelming to be entertaining over 30 out of town guests for a couple of weeks.  It was so sweet that after the cake cutting, the bride surprised my cousin by singing him “From This Moment On”.  It was priceless to see him all of a sudden realize that his bride was serenading him as he was chatting with others.  He quickly turned around, walked straight to her, held her hand, looked in her eyes, and soaked in the sweetness of that moment.  Priceless.  It was just so nice to see him so in love.  I did wear a dress that allowed me to eat as much filet mignon as possible.  By the way, the filet mignon was one of the best that I have had at a wedding.  Kudos to my cousin for choosing a decent caterer.

I am happy to report that none of my “elderly” relatives (meaning my aunts and uncles) asked about baby, fertility, or anything remotely related to that.  Someone did bombard me with questions and suggestions though.  I am Face.book friends with one of my cousin’s best friends.  She has a four-year-old who is full of energy and did not stop running the entire night.  She came by to say Hi and to inquire about my expertise in speech-language pathology.  Then she proceeded to make all sorts of suggestions about baby making.  She even looked at Bob and told him to “get busy” that night.  HAHA.  Uh… does she not know that you can only get pregnant during a certain time in a cycle??  I just smiled.  What else can you do?

It was also lovely to see my two female cousins on my mom’s side of the family.  They are sisters who live on the opposite sides of the continent.  The last time I saw them was at my own wedding two and a half years ago.  Their mom was my favorite aunt who passed away about nine years ago, at age 52.  It was so fun to watch these two cousins talk.  The younger one lives in L.A. and has a larger than life personality.  You wouldn’t miss her if you were in a room with her.  She is very loud and she talks a lot.  Her older sister is relatively quiet.  It was so funny to watch them talk and catch up with each other.  You’d see the younger one yapping away while the older one just nodded the whole time.  They were the same way when they were nine and twelve.  Some things just don’t change.  🙂

Older female cousin is an acupuncturist on the east coast.  Towards the end of the dinner, she looked across the table at me and mouthed “Are you pregnant yet?”  Now, this question is totally different from the questions that nosy relatives might ask me.  She is somebody with the credentials and the potentials to know what I am talking about.  So when we were on our way out, I approached her and gave her a two-minute version of our struggles.  It was an unexpected bonding time between me and her.  She knew EXACTLY what I was talking about.  There was no need for explanations for any terminology.  I was really just giving her a two-minute version and she understood.  She treats people with fertility problems as well.  Now my very loud younger female cousin was the one who eavesdropped and asked loudly about “follicles” and what that all meant.  Didn’t I just say that some things don’t change?  🙂

The rest of the weekend was exactly how I had envisioned it: bonding time with my hubby and my Bro’s family.  The vacation rental that I found is nestled in a small town in the wine country.  The owners are two men.  I assume them to be gay and I think only gay men could be so thoughtful in preparing for every single detail of their house.  It was equipped with everything that you would need to live in this place comfortably for an extended period of time.  The welcome basket had a personalized note to us with our names.  It was filled with wine, cheese, nuts, crackers, homemade jam, and fruits and vegetables from their own garden.  The rest of the weekend was relaxing, with onsite massages for me, Bob, and SIL, a visit to the winery within walking distance, and hanging out with the whole family in the backyard over pizza, wine, and snacks.

The biggest joke that we made that weekend was about my Bro’s first Girlfriend.  They dated back when they were teenagers.  They broke up when Girlfriend started dating Bro’s best friend at the same time.  Bro would not have anything to do with a cheater.  I was never very fond of this Girlfriend.  She has a strong personality and is very loud.  She married my Bro’s best friend, who happens to be the older brother of one of my best friends.  I always feel fortunate that my SIL became my SIL instead of Girlfriend.  My SIL and I had been friends before she started dating my Bro.  I wouldn’t be close to Bro’s family if Girlfriend had become my SIL.  I usually learn about her news from my Bro who is still friends with her.  She in fact requested to be one of the bridesmaids for my SIL and subsequently volunteered to be my niece and nephew’s godmother when they were born.  My very easygoing SIL just said Yes to both requests.  Anyhow, you can probably tell that I am not very fond of her.  So this Girlfriend and Bro’s best friend got divorced and didn’t have any kids.  She remarried in December 2012 at the age of 42 43.  Needless to say that when Bro broke the news to me that she was pregnant on her first try the month after her wedding, I was totally shocked and jealous.  That was when we were attending all the IVF seminars and deciding on the RE.  I was not happy that she did not have to wait and got lucky right away.  I was the most bugged when she posted on Face.book that “God has not forgotten” her after all.  So does it mean that I am forgotten by God because I have not been able to get pregnant?  Last weekend, Bro saw on FB that Girlfriend was about to have a C-section this week.  We reminisced about the past and my SIL blurted out that we should all thank her for saving us from having Girlfriend in our lives.  Imagine her being my SIL?  I shuddered thinking about that.  Girlfriend is going to give her girl a name that would sound very funny if you say it with a Cantonese accent.  We teased my niece all weekend long and called her that name with a Chinese accent since she could have had that name had Bro married Girlfriend.  I shuddered again.  Thank goodness God has had a better plan, that my SIL is in my family instead of Girlfriend.

Did I ever mention about my mother?  She is a lovely lady who cares deeply about everyone.  My mother is also someone who cannot keep any secrets from her sisters.  She had been living in my house with me six months of the time for about 15 years now.  The other six months of the time she is out of the country visiting with my father who refuses to live in the States.  That could be another post in itself.  My mother knows about the fertility struggles that we have had.  She has been very helpful with supporting us by making brew Chinese herbs.  She encourages me to visit an acupuncturist.  And she firmly believes that we’ll successfully make a baby one day.  But… did I mention that she cannot keep a secret?  She left the country for her annual overseas visit in April.  Bob and I started our fertility treatment in May.  I had been hoping and praying that we would successfully become pregnant before she came home in October.  Unfortunately that’s not happening.  I really don’t want her to go blabbering about our fertility issues with her sisters.  I want to control who knows about our struggles.  One time I told her to not to talk to her sisters about us.  She at first agreed, then protested saying that my aunts are also my family.  Can you see my hesitation in telling her things?  My mother came home this past Wednesday and the first few moments that I saw her, she shared someone’s pregnancy news with me.  I am sorry but I pouted.  I had had a very difficult day on that day and did NOT need her to tell me anyone’s pregnancy news.  She quickly questioned my attitude and told me not to feel that way.  There are certain things that my mom would probably never understand, as she got pregnant very young very easily.  I love her to death but I just do not know how to share our IVF journey with her without fearing that she would go announce it to the public.  But you know what?  I have to be brave and share with her.  We’ll start our next cycle in November and mom is always around.  Bob is the one who mixes the meds.  He does not want to hide in our bedroom for that.  He wants to be honest and do it in the dining room like we usually do.  I need to pray for God’s courage to sit her down and come up with a good way to talk to her so that I get her guarantee that she won’t talk to her sisters about it.  It’s tough enough to live with your mother.  It’s even tougher when you have no intention to let her be in your business.  But those are the cards I am dealt now.  So I just have to do it.  I don’t know when this conversation will take place.  It may not be that big of a deal.  Maybe she’ll be able to keep something to herself for once?  I am hoping.

How about that for an update on my family?

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11 thoughts on “A thing or two about my family

  1. I’m guessing she was just referring to herself when she post about God not forgetting her. Still, it would have irritated me, too. Particularly because it isn’t like they were trying for months and months. Sheesh.
    I don’t know your mom of course but I’d suggest just sit down and have an honest talk with her about everything you’ve had to go through and how hard it is to constantly field questions while worrying about the treatment itself and could she please promise to keep it to herself for now?

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  2. Good to hear from you again 🙂 I’m glad that the wedding went well. I love when there is someone who you can bond with that truly gets it! As for your mother, it may be helpful for her to see you guys actually going through IVF. My mom said she thought she understood when people talk about IVF, but seeing it was another thing, and she said she really didn’t realize how much was involved in the process.

    We also like to very much control who knows about our struggle, yet my mom and sister continued to share bits and pieces to aunts, mutual friends that we didn’t want them to. We finally told them that they can tell people this is a private thing between me and my husband, and if the people wanting to know really want to know, they need to reach out to us and ask us. Then the ball is in our court, but most people won’t reach out, so it ends there. I don’t know if that would work for you, but people need to respect your wishes if you don’t want them blabbing to whoever may be convenient for them. Just my two cents 🙂

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  3. It sounds like you had a great time at the wedding. Glad you were able to enjoy yourself. My Mom and Your Mom sound like twins. My mom’s go to question is “hows the fertility stuff”. I don’t even know how to answer that questions anymore.

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  4. Glad you ended up having a good time at the wedding! My mom is kind of the same way, she’s told others about our struggle and then said afterwards to me, “I hope you don’t mind, I mentioned it to X…” I don’t really care since I don’t live in the same province as most of those people and it stops them asking me when I’m having kids when I visit. Kind of a blessing in disguise, really.

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  5. Oh I so laugh at those people who think you merely need to “get busy” and POOF! you’re pregnant. Hello, it’s not that simple even for fertiles! Having parents who share the news isn’t one of the reasons I considered when I decided not to tell my parents any of our infertility issues, but it’s made for one more reason why I’m glad I didn’t. Maybe by having your med regime out in the open will open your mother’s eye to see what we go through and might help her be more discreet.

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  6. I’m glad that you had a good time and that Bob had a chance to bond with your BIL. As for your mother; you shouldn’t hide, but hopefully she’ll show some discretion. I personally don’t mind talking about it (but only giving the details to those closest to me), but B doesn’t want anyone to know.

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  7. I’m so glad you had a good time. Family can be so complicated- it’s nice when you can enjoy their company. As for your mother- she reminds me a bit of my dad- he has a good heart, but just doesn’t understand the pain of infertility, and often gives unwanted opinions. I wish I had some magical formula for dealing with that type of person without alienating them, but it really is tough. You’re always walking a fine line. Good luck with her- I hope she’s able to adhere to your wishes, even if she doesn’t agree.

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  8. Pingback: A Fun Trip to Denver | In Quest of a Binky Moongee

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