They are out to haunt me

I have not been feeling particularly nice these past few days.  It’s weird because my period has already passed so I can’t blame it on PMS.  I did see many pregnant ladies on Sunday though.  There were many different sizes of bellies.  Every corner I turned there was a big bump.  My husband said that these ladies were all out there to haunt me.  It could well be true.  At church I turned around and saw this lady that got pregnant the month after she was married.  She got married nine whole months ago.  She is about to be due.  Talk about crazily fertile people.  It doesn’t help that her bump is extra huge because she is so petite.  And then I turned to the other side and noticed that a lady who already has the cutest two-year-old boy all of sudden had grown a belly.  I must not have paid much attention to her in the last couple of weeks.  I swear that I just saw her not too long ago and her belly was flat.  When did that happen?  Fertile people have a way to sneak up on you without you even knowing.  I thought I would be safe in the early elementary Sunday school class that I teach.  Ugh.  Wishful thinking.  A six-year-old announced to me that there was a baby in his mom’s tummy.  Thank you very much, kid.  I did see his mommy in the parking lot from afar.. Hmm.. Her belly was flat.  But kids don’t lie.  She could be just 12 weeks along.  Did I mention that Sunday school kid already has a younger sister?  I guess this is what happens when you can so perfectly space your children apart.  She could well have experienced some sort of infertility or losses.  But I was feeling particular judgmental on that day.  Anyhow.  The Sunday bumps must have started me off on the wrong foot this week.  My Dear Colleague shared with me that she thought that she was accidentally pregnant with number three.  Fortunately (?) it was a false alarm confirmed by a negative pregnancy test.  She does NOT want a number three.  I looked her straight in her eyes and said, “If that happened, that would be the end of our friendship.”  It sounded like a joke but I was actually dead serious.  Yup.  I don’t think I can handle Dear Colleague’s baby number three in 2 1/2 years.  Hey Dear Colleague, I know you read this.  I still love you but if number three truly happens, I will step away from your life for a little (or long) while.  Anyhow, yup.  I am feeling particularly bitchy.  Thank goodness the universe is allowing this friendship to continue on and blossom.  I need her support.  Anyhow, hopefully after this week I will be back to be the nice person that I usually am, provided that I am not again bombarded with big baby bumps everywhere I turn.    

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14 thoughts on “They are out to haunt me

  1. Ugh, I can definitely relate to this! It seems like every time I go to Target there is a pregnancy/fertile convention. I’m sorry you had one of those days 😦

    By the way, I wanted to tell you that I nominated you for a Liebster blogging award (info on my latest post). No pressure to participate if you would rather not and/or have already received one in the past, but I just wanted to let you know!

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    • You’re right – But it’s such a struggle to be always nice and suppressing my feelings when I do feel negative about things. I pray about it a lot and have gotten a lot better, but these feelings still sneak up on me.

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  2. I’ve been feeling like a jerk lately too…I’d love to blame it on the hormones but I think a lot of it is stress too. Once you’re knocked down a few pegs by infertility it feels like my B.S. meter is all out of whack and the littlest thing sets me off. Hang in there, sister!

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  3. Ah heck…I say bitch away! That’s what blogging is for! (and it helps the rest of us feel more ‘normal’…) Sorry you’re feeling surrounded by bumps. I know the feeling only too well 😦

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  4. Sorry to hear you are surrounded by bumps. It sucks doesn’t it. I feel I am constantly surrounded by super fertile people. One friend announce she got pregnant first month trying and while husband was out of the county for 3 weeks that month. How is that even possible! Needless to say I went home and sobbed. Yes blogs are for letting this stuff out so vent away I say!

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  5. Sorry :/ I work in a school (they’re breeders) so I get it. I also wanted to thank you for suggesting my post in the Friday round up. I was very flattered!

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  6. You poor thing! What an ordeal – I honestly don’t know how you got through the day without screaming like a banshee. Especially with the “oops, I think maybe I’m pregnant – PHEW, SO GLAD I’M NOT”. I almost went apoplectic just reading about it! Dealing with DOR like you, it’s even scarier because you never know when your time runs out – I keep thinking, at least if you’re dealing with something that can be fixed, a hurdle to be overcome with a surgery from which you can move on…but this? SIGH. Big bumps SUCK. 😦

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