Take three

It proves to be a lot harder to blog when the summer is over and the fall schedule is in full swing.  I started two blog posts that never got to the finish line.  Hopefully this one will be the winner!  A lot has happened since we learned about the fate of Daisy more than a week ago.  

After a lot of thoughts and discussions, Bob and I have made the decision to accept the job offer at Tiny Startup Company!  It is such a big leap of faith to switch from Big Corporation to a tiny little company that has not even hired any employees.  I’m proud to say that Bob and I are on the same page and we came to the decision together without any fights or arguments.  At first the one thing that made me the most fearful was the insurance coverage.  Since it is such a new company, the founders cannot even start to buy health insurance for their employees until the employee count reaches two.  So there is no way to find out what the insurance coverage will be.  After a lot prayers and thoughts, we came up with the plan to negotiate with the new company to pay for our COBRA coverage.  In the US, COBRA allows a former employee of a corporation to continue the same level of insurance coverage by paying the full premium (rather than a discounted premium as the corporation subsidizes the rest of the premium for its employees).  The full premium for our current insurance has a whopping $1500 price tag.  If Bob’s new job pays for this COBRA coverage, then we can stick with our current levels of coverage.  We are currently insured with Insurance Company A and have $10,000 lifetime maximum fertility coverage.  We recently discovered that under Bob’s current job, we may be eligible to get another $10,000 lifetime maximum fertility coverage if we switch over to Insurance Company B next January.  If that’s the case, once our fertility coverage runs out by the end of this year with Insurance Company A, we could get new batch of fertility coverage  with Insurance Company B beginning in January.  Bob did a great job negotiating with Tiny Startup Company and got them to agree to pay for most of our COBRA for the next 18 months!  I don’t have to worry about our insurance coverage for the next 1.5 years.  That is truly a big blessing.  

We both know that this new job has its risks. It’s such a new company that it could fold at any time.  The payoff could be huge though.  Bob will get to do what he likes to do and use his talent.  His commute is shorter.  He gets to trade off Big Corporation politics with Tiny Startup politics.  If the company strikes gold and gets acquired by some huge huge corporation, he may even make good money with his shares of stock.  The downside is job instability and a slight pay cut.  He has been doing a very good job at his current position but the office politics is getting to him.  Plus the work he is doing right now is not interesting or challenging enough.  I firmly believe that this is the right decision.  We both have tremendous peace about it.  And if this job doesn’t work out in the future, I have no doubt that he will find another job soon.  We have discussed this with many friends and with our families.  The consensus is that this is a great time to try a startup company since Bob is still young and we don’t have kids yet.  The last point stings a little…. as if not having children is a blessing in this case.  But even if we had a little child right now, we could still afford to have Bob switch jobs.  I am excited for him!  How many people get the opportunity to be employee number one at a company and help build the product of a company from scratch?  I am proud of him.  He will officially accept the job offer on Monday.

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Last Sunday, I finally received a text from Kate,  one of my bridesmaids, asking if we would want to have dinner with her and her family after they finished their family photo session in the city.  I wrote about Kate about a month ago about how disappointed I had been with her for not checking in with me after my first IVF.  I was very tempted to say Yes to her dinner proposal but we had already prepared for dinner.  Through texts, we made plans to see each other in three weeks.  After thinking a lot about it, I decided that I couldn’t just see her without first letting her know about my feelings in the last two months.  I made a decision to write her a detailed email about it.  And I did it on Wednesday!  I just felt that it was the right time.  I let her know that I wasn’t mad at her but I was sad and disappointed that I hadn’t heard from her.  I hit Send and left it at that.  Again, I had tremendous peace about it as I knew that it was the right thing to do.  Kate wrote me back immediately, thanking me for letting her know, and saying that she was very sorry about it.  Apparently I wasn’t the first person who had said the same thing about her so she realized that she has to do better with her friends.  She said that I am very important to her, there is no excuse for her not to check in with me, and she wants to make things right.  I am very glad that we had a chance to clear the air.  I am very relieved.

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Life has been very busy.  I am a group leader of a discussion group for an international bible study organization.  There is daily homework, in-depth summary of the bible passage of the week, and weekly contact with the 15 or so ladies in my group.  I attend a two-hour training bright and early on Saturday mornings at 7am and facilitate my group discussion on Monday nights.  There was a nice long break during the summer since last year’s session ended in May.  I guess that was when I felt like I had time to write my own blog in June.  I already feel a bit overwhelmed with the amount of work that I have now.  And I am also thinking ahead.  What if we decide to head down to Southern California to cycle with L.ife?  How do I handle the unpredictable schedule?  I am someone who would really want to stick with the commitment that I have made.  I really don’t want to skip serving every Saturday and Monday if it’s not necessary.  I don’t want to burden other group leaders repeatedly to cover for me while I am gone.  So my prayer this year is that God will clear my schedule so that I can participate in the weekly training and weekly discussion group as much as possible.  I know that He has called me to this role and He will help clear my schedule for me.  

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A good friend of mine asked me if I felt depressed about my fertility most of the time.  I thought long and hard about it.  Nope.  I don’t.  I am in general a happy person.  I do have moments when I am sad and I need to cry it all out to release my emotions.  But God has protected my emotions.  I am still living life the way I want to.  I am still enjoying life with Bob.  I am still doing my job the way I would like.  I do not feel depressed.  I actually felt more depressed about a year ago when we were so unsure about the next step for us.  I wasn’t ready to let go of being able to get pregnant naturally and “declare defeat” and “succumb” to IVF.  Now my thought has changed.  I have decided that IVF is the way that will most likely result in our desired take home baby.  It is hardly a defeat.  It takes courage on our part to go this route.  So thankfully, I am not depressed.  

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Who has gained weight from IVF?  My favorite jeans aren’t comfortable anymore.  I detest this side effect of IVF.  

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I have been taking a nice break from taking my basal body temperature.  A week ago the back of my hands and my forearms were filled with tiny bumps and rashes that would flare up and itch when it was hot outside.  Dr. E said that it could be contact dermatitis or a sudden allergic reaction to the supplements.  She suggested that I stop taking the supplements for now.  Once the bumps subside and the itch stops, reintroduce them slowly to see it they were the cause of such a skin rash.  It is a weird sudden break from TTC: no temping and no supplements.  AF should arrive on Monday.  I will most likely go at the end of the week to get a saline sonogram.  

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Wow this is long.  But I did finish!  Thanks for sticking around until the end.  You get an award for being persistent and patient!

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16 thoughts on “Take three

  1. so good to hear from you!! been thinking about you! Congrats on the new job opportunity! And, I think it’s great you confronted your friend and hopefully it healed the situation. Your bible study sounds interesting! Glad you are enjoying it and it’s so good to hear you are happy with God has you know! He has great plans for you!

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    • Hi Caroline, great to hear from you too! The bible study is a lot of work but it’s one of the best things that I have ever decided to do in my life. It’s the most in depth bible study ever. I bet you would love it. I’m sure it’ll have a class in your area if you’re ever interested: check out b.ible s.tudy f.ellowship.

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  2. Congrats on the new venture! I admire anyone who has the courage to leave the familiar for something new and exciting… I can’t stand my job, but I’m too afraid to leave behind the security, and move on.

    It also takes tremendous courage to confront a friend. Good for you for speaking up, and letting her know you were disappointed in her. And I’m so glad she reacted well… that’s a good friend.

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    • Thank you! It’s a nerve wracking process but also very exciting. Yeah while trying to decided, we had so many what-ifs in our heads… What if it fails… he wondered what if he couldn’t do the job well… what if what if. But in the end, the potential pros outweighed the potential cons. With my friend, I knew that our friendship is stronger than what it has been in the last two months. I took a chance but I knew that it would most likely be okay. So glad it is! She IS a good friend.

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  3. It’s so good to hear from you! I can identify with much of your post and how much more challenging it is to blog now that we are into the hectic fall season. You have a ton on your plate! Still, it sounds like you have been directed into it all by the Holy Spirit, and that is what matters 🙂

    On a separate note, I think the average is 5-10 pounds weight gain per IVF cycle. Boo. I know. Part of it is the extra fluid. Part of it is the extra hormones and the havoc that they wreak on our metabolisms/appetites. Part of it is that we are only permitted very limited exercise. Still, I always counted IVF weight gain as part of my future pregnancy weight gain. Someone else wrote about it that way, and it helped me think about it that way. I can deal emotionally with pregnancy weight gain so much more easily!

    On a weird note, I had quite a few sudden outbreaks of rashes/bumps/etc during IUI and IVF cycles. Honestly, I think my body was so overloaded with extra hormones that I developed quite a few sudden allergies to lotions, metals, etc. Hormones make your skin more sensitive. Also, the synthetic drugs tend to overload your liver, which then detoxes through the skin, making your skin itchy and uncomfortable 😦

    Hugs!

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    • 5 to 10 pounds per cycle!?! Oh boy. I wonder if it has to do with how much drugs you put into your body. I wonder if it’d make a difference if we do mini-IVF with minimal drugs. I may have gained 5 to 6 pounds in the last two cycles. Don’t know coz we have hidden our scale. Yikes. Okay I’ll try to think of it as part of pregnancy weight gain.

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  4. That’s so awesome about your husband’s new job opportunity! Congrats! It sounds like you have been really busy, and I truly admire your optimism and strength through all this.

    About the weight gain, I am not going through IVF, but I’ve been on hormone therapy for the past couple of months following surgery to remove my uterine septum and I have gained several pounds. In fact, I was just noticing today that my favorite jeans are very tight :/ I’ve actually been trying to put on weight since the start of our ttc journey in 2011 so it’s not entirely a bad thing, but when all the weight gain is in the bloated tummy area it’s not too pretty! Sigh, the things we put ourselves through. Best of luck to you in the months ahead! It sounds like there are lots of promising opportunities on the horizon.

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    • Yeah so I’d like the weight gain to be more evenly distributed. I totally see the bloated tummy and also my thighs for me. Thanks Annie! I am excited about my hubby’s new opportunity!

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  5. Congrats to Bob on the new job! There is a lot to be said for working where you’re happy, even if it’s not the best paying job. And I’m glad you guys are hopefully going to keep your coverage!

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    • Yup I would LOVE to have a happy husband and I think we’re going to achieve that this time. Hoping and praying for continued infertility coverage.. although I hope that Clay is it for us! Then we won’t even need the extra insurance money.

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  6. Isabelle, that excellent that Bob got the job and you have COBRA covered by the new firm! Nicely done, Bob! You have a bucnh going on outside IF–which is great, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s nice to think about other things besides IF during these downtimes.

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