No more Daisy

In the last two days, I have already prepared myself for bad news.  I really didn’t think that a grade three three-cell embryo would turn into a blastocyst.  Of course I still hoped for the best.  Miracles do happen.  Just didn’t happen to me this time.  I start to think that maybe we got very lucky the last cycle.  I wonder if this is going to be the norm for future cycles.  Maybe the name Daisy is too weak.  Clay didn’t get its name for nothing.  Bob joked that maybe Daisy should have been Delilah.  I seriously laughed very hard at that joke.  Maybe this is still early.  Maybe I have already cried like crazy on Wednesday.  I didn’t feel a thing in my heart when I saw Dr. E’s email.  I find my mind moving towards the next step.  Do we do one more cycle with Dr. E after this so that we can transfer Clay?  Do we keep Clay frozen and start banking embryos down at L.ife IVF in Irvine?  Do we take care of the fibroids first before even talking about banking embryos again?  Unfortunately, having the diagnosis of DOR means that we are in it for the long haul before we can have our take home baby.  That is, if we use our own eggs.  Things may move faster if we go the donor egg route.  I don’t think I am ready to give up on my own eggs yet.  On top of fertility matters, Bob received a job offer at the startup company I mentioned about before.  I am very proud of him!  At the same time, we have to seriously evaluate the offer and see what kind of health insurance we’ll get.  I am okay with a plan that offers a high deductible.  I just need to know what we’re dealing with.  So there you go friends.  The end of our IVF #2.  We have to sit down and talk about what IVF #3 may look like.  We may not go with Dr. E anymore.  As much as I love her, once insurance money is finished, she’s almost three times as pricey as going to L.ife IVF.  We haven’t decided yet.  I think I will need another thinking break from IVF.  Thanks for all the support you have all given me.  It makes this journey more tolerable.

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Edited to Add:

Ugh.  It doesn’t help that one of my friends shared her pregnancy news with me today.  Well, she didn’t exactly share.  She had been quite cryptic about why she had been taking time off and resting at home for the last week or so.  Since I have been on vacation, she knew that I was available online and kept on sending me messages.  So finally I asked what was wrong with her body.  She told me to call her.  Big mistake on my part, especially today.  Once I called, she began to complain about all day sickness and nausea and what not.  I asked again what was wrong with her body.  She then proceeded to ask me to guess why she had been home.  All I asked was, “How far along are you?”  I didn’t say congratulations.  I wasn’t being a good friend.  But hey, I think I could do that today.  I felt no joy for her.  And I was super annoyed to hear her go on and on about the IV drip, the all day nausea, and not having a chance to go on a babymoon because she’s been so sick.  I mean… she has been trying for a baby for a long time (at least 3.5 to 4 years) so I should be very happy for her that she finally got pregnant on her own.  But… I just feel no joy for her today.  She asked how we were doing.  I said… not good, but I didn’t want to go into it.  And then this comes out of her mouth:

“Just let nature take its course.  It’ll happen when you least expect it.”

Yeah.  Maybe true for you.  I said, “With my diagnosis, I highly doubt it that it’ll happen to us naturally without any medical intervention. We’ve done two IVFs and have gotten some bad news.”

I really didn’t want to hear her whine.  So I found an excuse and hung up.  Sorry.  I am not a good friend today.  But I need to self-preserve.

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37 thoughts on “No more Daisy

  1. Are you tempted to try a FET with Clay with your current RE? Do you need to fibroids sorting out first? I’m so sorry this cycle hasn’t gone well, and about your friend. My best friend told me she was pregnant the day of my D&C… Neither of them have jobs, they don’t have anywhere to live and only tried for 6 months. She was avoiding me because she knew about my IVF so she was already 5 months. It’s just horrible and so unfair… There are no other words. I am sending you lots of hugs today xxx

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    • Yes. We are trying to think whether we should just do a transfer or if we should do a fresh cycle and at the end of that cycle transferring Clay so we definitely have something to transfer. Still undecided. But definitely have to take care of the fibroids first. And I think given my age, we most likely will do a fresh to get more embryos and transfer Clay at the same time. Thanks for the hugs. Much needed today.

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      • That sounds like a good plan… Either way next time the fibroids will be long gone and you will be able to transfer at least Clay, and hopefully Clay plus friend/s. I’m thinking of you x

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  2. You are totally entitled to take care of yourself today and not worry about some insensitive person’s feelings. Seriously, you’d think someone who took 4 years to conceive would know better than to spout some stupid platitude at you. How quickly she forgets. So sorry to hear about Daisy.

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  3. I’m so sorry, about Daisy and about your friend. The need to self-preserve is key. I’ve been using it, too, since my best friend fell pregnant after being infertile with her ex, and she thinks it’ll happen to me too, and I feel like there’s no way even though I never got an explanation of my IF, I can’t STAND people who get pregnant on their own and then say they think it’ll happen to you too, no matter how much I love them the rest of the time.

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    • I know that people mean well. I just had someone who said today.. maybe all the stress that you have had makes it hard for you to get pregnant in the last few months (Classic). I know she really doesn’t know much about getting pregnant.. So I found myself educating her about my diagnosis. But at times, you just can even put sense into people. Sometimes it’s survivor’s guilt. So pregnant people who tried for a long time just want you to be pregnant with them as well. But they don’t realize that these platitudes don’t help.

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    • Thanks! I have had many decaf and real coffee, mocha, latte, hugs from friends’ babies, and some sweets. I just told my hubby that I may not attend this friend’s baby shower in the future. Talk about holding grudges. 😀

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  4. I am so sorry!!! Did the RE recommend taking care of the fibroids before transfer? I would prob bank as many embryos as you can since you have DOR then take care of the fibroids so that you can transfer a great embryo and not worry that the fibroids could cause an issue. Wish you lots of luck!!! And don’t you love it that ppl have this infertility advice when they have no idea. Sometimes nature will never take action and we need intervention.

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    • Yes we’ll have to take care of the fibroids first. That’s why we didn’t thaw our frozen for a transfer this time. Thanks for the wishes! I know that for some people they get pregnant on their own even with DOR. But it’s so rare that I just assume that it won’t happen to me.

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  5. Big decisions, friend… abiding with you…

    Pregnancy announcements are the WORST. I am incapable of happiness for others anymore as well. How sad that it has come to this. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.

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  6. Hi! I just came across your blog. I’m so sorry about Daisy and your dumb friend. My 39 year old sister recently told me she was pregnant after trying for not even 4 months. I lost it. I can’t stand the complaining of not feeling well and other stupid comments. Hang in there! Wishing you all the best!

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  7. I’m so sorry about Daisy 😦 And having to hear your friend’s news on top of everything, ugh. All the complaining is so hard to take, especially coming from someone who should know how it feels to be on the other side. My friend who recently shared her pregnancy news with me wasn’t complaining, but she was definitely very self-focused. She asked how I was doing, but when I tried to give her a quick update, she obviously wasn’t listening and immediately turned the conversation back to herself. Sigh, selfish pregnant women, what can you do. I’ll be hoping you have some good news coming your way soon. Hugs.

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    • From my experience, the interaction with pregnant friends will continue to be self-focused until after they have given birth to the baby. Then their focus will be definitely on the baby. It happened quite a lot to me and I just hope that friendships survive esp the ones with mothers and mothers-wanna-be.

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  8. Oh Isabelle! I am so, so sorry about Daisy. I miss her already on your behalf. I was hoping against hope that this cycle would be IT for you. I’m sure it’s incredibly overwhelming to know where to go from here. I’m praying right now that you will have discernment and peace as you walk this road. I’m also praying that you and Bob will be on the same page and that you will feel closer than ever through this.

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  9. I’m so sorry, Isabelle. First of all, for the loss of Daisy. It’s always so hard. And you’re friends…well, I’m speechless. Making you “guess” what was wrong with her. The constant complaining (which isn’t in and of itself so horrible, but come on, she should know better), the inane platitudes may have just done me in. You shouldn’t have to deal with that on top of your loss.

    Congratulations to Bob on the job offer, and I’m hoping at least they’ll have some IVF coverage so he can be happy and you can have a little financial security.

    And PS, sorry I’m so late to comment, things are a mad house over here getting ready for the move: finding a place, constantly cleaning so we can constantly show our place, job interviews for my husband.

    I’m thinking about you and wishing you well. Lots of hugs.

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    • Hey Maddie, thanks for taking the time to comment amid your busy schedule. 🙂 I can feel your support from all the way over here on the west coast. Bob’s offer is from a small startup company so we most likely won’t have IVF coverage. I’ll write a post soon to explain the options we may have. Thanks for the hugs!

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  10. There are some times when it’s just so hard to hear someone else’s good news, and for some reason it almost always seems to coincide when we get bad news. It’s also hard when someone feeds you the bogus “it will happen when you least expect it line too” Ugh, sorry she’s isn’t more sensitive.

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