Off cycle and Clay

It has been a nice break.

But… it’s time to put the thinking cap back on.  I didn’t know I could be such a good procrastinator.  So I forced myself to make an appointment with Dr. E.  It is scheduled for next Thursday.  I was reluctant to cancel my kids at work.  It just so happens that my 10am kiddo and 11am kiddo both cannot make it next Thursday.  Dr. E happens to have availability at 11am.  Perfect.  I go in to see my 9am appointment, hop in my car to drive across the bay, and hope that the morning commute traffic will have died down already.  The appointment most likely will take 30 minutes.  I then can hop back in the car and make it in time for my 2pm kiddo.  It will be a little tight but I will make it happen.  Bob’s work has been so busy that it is not possible for him to take time off to go with me.  It is still important for him to listen in so we’ll just have to settle for a call-in with speaker phone at Dr. E’s office during the appointment.  

Today is CD3.  I freaked out on CD1 thinking that I would have to go in for a baseline scan the next day.  Frankly I was really not ready for another cycle.  I hadn’t asked my questions!  I freaked and freaked and finally wrote Dr. E.  She is so nice.  She responded to my rambling, incoherent message promptly with the following:

“I would take this month off completely from treatment

so there really isn’t any rush at all

Please call the office and we can review the past cycle embryology report and make future plans

talk soon :)”

Yay!  If the expert says there is no rush, who am I to rush into another cycle?  I got the approval for procrastinating for another month!  A heavy weight got lifted off my shoulders instantly.  I don’t know why I am so not ready for the next cycle.  I just… am not.  Maybe it’s because of the insurance money that is dwindling so I feel that we have to be very careful with how we spend it as the next round we’ll have to start using our savings.  Maybe I am a little fearful of another round of unknowns and emotional ups and downs and want to delay it as much as possible.  I just know that I am in a happy place as I got the approval to try things out the old fashioned way this month.  So I am back to taking my BBT at 5:25am, popping all the supplements three times a day, planning a Maya abdominal massage for next week, and being stuck with needles at my acupuncturist’s.

I feel like I have the best providers.  My acupuncturist Dr. K sent me  a message on the day of our failed day five transfer that she had been thinking about me all day.  She told me not to lose hope and for me to call her if I needed anything.  Yesterday when I resumed my sessions with her for the first time since the IVF cycle, she came into the therapy room, gave me a huge smile, and hugged me.  It feels so good to be cared for.  

Dr. K has quite a few patients who actually commute to SoCal to cycle with Dr. Y.  The feedback that she got from all these patients is that at Dr. Y’s clinic, I will never get the highly personalized care that I currently get at my current RE’s.  You get to see Dr. Y once for the consultation.  For out-of-town patients, you contact the clinic for any questions and the clinic contacts you for all the needed paperwork and labs.  Apparently every time the phone call is picked up or made by someone different from the last time.  You don’t get the same coordinator or person in charge of your case.  If you have a question for Dr. Y, you get onto his call list and he will make sure he calls you by the end of the day, most likely around 8 or 9pm PST.  In another word, do not expect to do what I do right now, which is to email Dr. E or any of her staff and get an answer from the doctor herself immediately.  I am truly spoiled.  Don’t get me wrong.  Dr. Y’s clinic is still highly organized.  But the personal touch might not be there.  So again, there is a lot to consider here.

I think about my frozen embryo daily.  I wonder what it all means to have a little fighter that had hung on until the end.  I wonder if this embryo will actually become a baby.  We have a nickname for this embryo: Clay.  It came from my sister-in-law who thinks that this fighter should be called Muhammad Ali.  I told Bob what she said and Bob quickly said, We should name him Clay, which is Muhammad Ali’s last name.  I love it!  It has been known as “Clay” ever since the day it became a blastocyst.  Maybe if Clay really becomes a real baby boy, Clay could be his real name?  One can dream and hope, right?  I wonder what God has planned for us.


13 thoughts on “Off cycle and Clay

  1. I love the name clay!

    I think that off cycles are so neccesary for our mental health. I also think having caring -supportive doctors is so important.

    Saying a prayer for you!


  2. It is so good to hear you have caring people looking out for you. Clay is a lovely name. Hoping the best for “him” and for you! Enjoy your “off cycle” it is so important to have a sanity break especially after all the stress you just went through.


  3. I know exactly what you mean about not being ready for another cycle. I meant to take a 3 month break and here I am almost a whole year later, just getting back in the game. Take the time you need. I hope the day comes when you get to take little clay home with you.


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